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Thread: I fear Iím going to get dumped today

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    The issue is he thinks he's getting dumped... Yes, the gf doesnt approve of that... my point was there are other issues in this relationship based on OPs other post.

    I am a dog owner/mom. My dog can be left alone overnight no problem if need be. Other dogs cant. Only Op knows his dog well enough... not you
    I do not agree with you. At all! Don't know why some folks get dogs.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    Thanks for the support on this. My initial query has far been overlooked for the treatment of my dog. I can be understanding of the critique after my first post, but even after providing some clarification Iím still the antagonist. The medium of the initial post is the exact same as the other posts where I have cleared some points up. It looks like people are willing to pick and choose any information which creates their desired narrative
    Why are you so insecure about your relationship?

    Do you feel more invested than she is?

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    Why are you so insecure about your relationship?i

    Do you feel more invested than she is?
    At the moment I am. Which Iím ok with usually. She is working a demanding schedule and studying for a very important exam in 2 months. On top of that, her and her mum are working at becoming citizens here so there is the added obstacle of the stress and obligation of a court process. I subscribe to the fact that investment doesnít always need to be 50/50 and want to be as supportive as I can. The other side of that coin, every now and then, as I displayed a few days ago, I get a little resentful that Iím giving so much and not able to receive in kind. Iím not proud of this, but sometimes i would like some of the focus back to me. I acknowledge how selfish that sounds, Iím giving everything I can as well as I can for now. Iím just not perfect all the time.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why would she dump you for leaving your dog home for a night out with a friend? Why would she be so upset about it to the point of even breaking up with you and especially by phone? If it was right to leave the pet home alone one night or not I can't say, but I don't think this would warrant a break up.

    Are you sure this isn't your anxiety and insecurity creating this situation and not the cold hard facts of the situation?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    Why would she dump you for leaving your dog home for a night out with a friend? Why would she be so upset about it to the point of even breaking up with you and especially by phone? If it was right to leave the pet home alone one night or not I can't say, but I don't think this would warrant a break up.

    Are you sure this isn't your anxiety and insecurity creating this situation and not the cold hard facts of the situation?
    Itís not just the dog thing. She said to me last night me deciding to leave my dog at home, and the fact we had a tiff earlier in the week ĎIíve shown her a side me me she didnít know I hadí it was an ominous statement.

    Weíve spoken today, on better terms now, but sheís still a bit cold. Iím seeing her tomorrow. Iíll try to figure out whatís going on. Itís defin the hardest week of our relationship so far

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not about the dog and you both know it. She just doesn't want to state that spending a friday drinking and staying out all night pissed her off.
    Originally Posted by Sourmilk
    I went over a friendís house on Friday night. Just for food, beers and football. We had too much to drink and I stayed the night. I left my dog at home.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Dog issue aside, you've described your GF as more stoic and in your last thread she started acting distant seemingly out of nowhere. So now I want to ask, how good of a communicator is she in regards to her feelings? Admittedly I don't know much but it sounds like she could express herself better, instead of giving you the cold shoulder.

    Now of course we all communicate differently and I get that my "advice" isn't exactly objective. I tell my husband immediately (or a tad bit later if the timing is bad) if I'm unhappy so that we can talk through it and we can understand each other. It doesn't mean she's wrong. But my point is that you both will have to find a way to navigate disagreements without you having to think you're going to get dumped every time she disagrees with you. It's not healthy.

    I think the two of you are overdue for a heart to heart conversation.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If you already believed that you and GF were on shaky ground, why would you volunteer this information about your dog without including the fact that you got approval from your veterinarian neighbor?

    Some things are best discussed in an appropriate context. While I can understand that GF's questions may have led you to answer where you spent the night, wouldn't it have made sense to frame it with your concern about driving illegally, so you phoned your neighbor, the vet, who told you that overnight was fine provided that you reached the dog within 12 hours?

    When you see GF, I would avoid being apologetic as though you've done something 'wrong.' All adults being equal, I'd hear out her concerns, and then I'd tell her about the vet and that, while you intend to plan your outings better going forward, you stand by the decision you made, and you're ready to discuss something else.

    You voiced concerns in your last post about coming off as needy at times. I would not compound that problem by going subservient as well. I'd be respectful, I'd avoid defensiveness, but by no means would I be a pushover in an attempt to win GF's approval. I'd offer to agree to disagree, and I'd offer her the option to either carry on and enjoy your time together or otherwise take some time and distance to work through her own thoughts.

    On a less desirable note, if GF is meeting with you to break up, she'll likely make that known early enough to avoid such a conversation in the first place. I hope not, and my fingers are crossed for you.

    I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Living your own life, as you should, and responsibly, based on your own description. You might be different from her expectations of you, but that doesn't make you wrong. It might make you incompatible, and it might not. Couples stay together in part because each person chooses to accept the other person, even the parts that each finds bothersome. Importantly, each person also accepts that their mate may not like everything about them.

    In short, you are comfortable with your choices. Now, be comfortable with the fact that she may not like your choices.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    If you already believed that you and GF were on shaky ground, why would you volunteer this information about your dog without including the fact that you got approval from your veterinarian neighbor?
    I didnít think what I did was so abhorrent. I did the research and made what I thought was an informed choice. I obviously got some heat here over the last few days for it too. I stand by the fact I made a choice people donít agree with, but I wasnít wrong. In light of her learning this about me she said Ďyouíve shown a side of you I didnít know you hadí

    Iím seeing her later today. Weíre having dinner at my place, but I think I might surprise her and just take her to mini golf and a beer. She would like that. Generally at least. Today?? Who knows

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