what is the first step in creating boundaries?

Even though the psychosis has mostly passed, there is definitely an emotional fallout, and I am learning a lot about myself during this time.

Tonight, the biggest thing that is bothering me is the fact that I have absolutely no branches attachment wise. The only person I can reach out to is my mother, and when I am hyper aware of her blowing hot air up my arse 'you're so funny. . . you're so (whatever)'... it makes me feel sick. I also HATE myself because I always end up saying much more than I want to, and sharing too much of my soul, giving too much away, when I am talking to her. There is no boundary there, so I just start talking about private matters and then I hate myself for doing that, and then the whole conversation disintegrates, and gets gnarly.

I just feel like this situation with my mother is so incredibly TOXIC. I always feel like she is too close to (and invades) my personal space. Then, I am left with absolutely nothing, because I can't reach out to anyone, but her.

I need help, desperately.

Talk yo your psychologist/psychiatrist instead of your mother. It should be that way anyway because they need to monitor medication therapeutic effects/side effects and episodes of psychosis and prodromal symptoms..

I just went back to read your history a little bit, just to get a sense of your struggles.

Honestly? I think it’s great that you are close to your mom. I know you feel you “overshare” with her... but I think it’s important to have a support structure. It’s good that you have that in your mom.

Are you part of any sports teams or community groups or anything?

My recommendation would be to try to get out there and make new friends and develop new healthy hobbies.

I know that’s kind of strange advice... but I think that the more you occupy yourself with positive things for yourself and build new connections, the more you will naturally gravitate towards those things and the less you will tend to overshare.

You need an outlet. Since you don’t seem to have other stable, reliable outlets, I think a lot of it may flow to your mom... but rather than focus on what’s wrong wth this particular outlet, I think you should work on creating a number of outlets - and then it will distribute more naturally.

Why do you feel that this is toxic? What makes you think that?

It sounds like your mother is genuinely trying to lift you up with positive compliments and comments. However, if that's not working for you as she intends, then setting a boundary is telling her politely that you'd rather she just listen and not over compliment. Tell her that you appreciate a compliment here and there but not when you feel down. Tell her that you just need her to listen, but nothing more perhaps. That's an example of healthy boundary setting and communication. Expect that she will make mistakes and all you need to do is gently remind her until new patterns of communication are formed and become stronger.

I don't think you should set a boundary with your mother so much as you should strive to expand your support group and also set boundaries with YOURSELF on what you share. That way you aren't dumping everything on mom. Speak to your therapist. There are *some* support groups that are productive and aren't just people there for years on end - groups where people are working on healing AND getting an outlet...Are you healthy enough to join a meetup group that is about a hobby you enjoy?

Thanks so much for all your replies. They are really appreciated. And I think you are right. This is my issue with my lack of boundaries regarding the amount of information that I share and what I consider private. It is not my Mum's fault at all.

This afternoon after reading your replies, I did a search for support groups in the city that I live in, but I couldn't find anything that was in person support groups. I did find some online spaces that specifically deal with mental illness, so I am going to start there.

I don't want to burden my friends too much with some of the more challenging aspects of my disease, but I do want to open up a bit more to some kind of 'support network' in the hope that it will help me to learn to manage both my schizophrenic symptoms and my prodromal ( want to research this further) depression.

Thanks again :-) You really helped me out with your perspectives on this!

Cheers :-)

Chai