OW not blocked!

Hi,

So my Husband has supposedly been seeing another girl. They have known each other for the last 10 years but I was told anonymously that they have been seeing each other for the past 1.5 years.

When I spoke to him about it and showed him the emails I was sent, he denied everything and told me that she has been just a good Friend and nothing more. He even got the girl to text him to say that she was not the one who sent those messages. And told me that if it makes me more secure he will cut all ties with her.

I trust him which I ought to do since it was my husband’s words against an annonymous. We have been married for 12 years with 2 beautiful children whom he adores.

Since then everything with us has been good and back to normal. Till recently. I noticed that he had been changing his whatsapp profile pictures once every two days. Which he has nvr done before. He has had pictures for years or months. However that did not raise any red flags.

Until some of our friends texted me to check if he was alright because he has been changing his whatsapp status as frequently as his pictures. The statuses from ‘let it burn, let it burn...’ to ‘LET IT BURN’. His recent profile picture is with him with flames around it with an all caps shoutout.

He hasn’t been doing that on his FB or IG. Pictures and shoutouts are the same. I found out the “OW” was never friends with him on these social media platforms and is only on his whatsapp. He has not blocked her on whatsapp.

He sounds upset via his statuses but why though. If he is working it out with me then why does he sound upset over whatsapp. When he’s home he seems fine with all of us. Are these shoutouts for the OW?

Am I missing something? Are there red flags I’m unaware of? It got me thinking because I had friends asking me if my Husband is ok. The only thing that has happened to him is the “OW” leaving. Everything else is fine. Home life. Work life.

Need perspectives! Thanks.

I'm not sure if this 'friend' can be called the 'Other Woman' if there is no substantial evidence although I do think this is a bit odd. Like he's trying to curry a reaction of some sort. You seem to have got passed this email and friend business though discussion and openness so why can't this process be used again to address these cryptic statuses? None of us can possibly have any clue as to why he is changing his pics and statuses compared to you. The failure to block her on Whatspp could just be a totally innocent oversight...personally, if I was blocking anyone from social media platforms I wouldn't think of Whatsapp as I just see it as a glorified texting app. You have to just ask him, not in an accusatory tone but with concern that maybe something is upsetting him. If he gives you a perfectly plausible explanation then I'm sure it's nothing. If he struggles to answer or his answer seems fishy then a little further investigation may be necessary. Don't jump the gun though, take it one step at a time and keep a cool head.

Who are the emails from? You must have some idea. Whose friends are asking if you husband is ok? Yours or his? Why are they asking this? Based on what? What makes you think the OW left?

Husband has supposedly been seeing another girl. They have known each other for the last 10 years but I was told anonymously that they have been seeing each other for the past 1.5 years. He has not blocked her on whatsapp. friends asking me if my Husband is ok. The only thing that has happened to him is the “OW” leaving.

Some of our mutual friends have seen them together. Quite close. But he claims it’s because they have been very good friends.

I have no other evidence otherwise. Never thought too much abt it till these cries. I have asked him what these have been about. He just brushed it off as nothing. And there the conversation stops. Cannot ask him anything further as he isn’t going to be pleased.

Have tried different means and now I’m at my wits’ end so I’ve turned here for advice as to what I should be understanding from this sudden behaviour.

No idea who the emails are from. I think it was from the OW but he showed me a whatsapp text of her saying that it wasn’t her. My girlfriends who are very close to him too. They are married to his close friends. They are asking these based on his sudden change in the changes on whatsapp but no changes on FB or IG.

I have no idea if the OW has really left. I took his word for it. The other day I checked his whatsapp and didn see any messages from her but that she was still on his contact list. If she was a problem and could be a problem why not just block her and move on?

Do you have an open marriage? Where are you when these friends see them together? Where does he say he is?

See an attorney and a therapist privately and confidentially to see what your options are and to help you navigate and understand.

If you want to believe they are 'just friends' to keep the status quo and not rock the boat, then allow them to date and ignore warnings from friends.

Some of our mutual friends have seen them together. Quite close. But he claims it’s because they have been very good friends.

See an attorney and a therapist privately and confidentially to see what your options are and to help you navigate and understand.

This is very good advice. There's something very shady going on behind the scenes, and it sounds as though your friends are trying to warn you. If they're concerned about him, why aren't they asking HIM?

As to where you go from here... that's why you need professional advice....

Do you have an open marriage? Where are you when these friends see them together? Where does he say he is?

 

See an attorney and a therapist privately and confidentially to see what your options are and to help you navigate and understand.

 

If you want to believe they are 'just friends' to keep the status quo and not rock the boat, then allow them to date and ignore warnings from friends.

No we don’t. Not at all. I was home with the kids when he is out. He says he is out with his friends. But sometimes he comes home the next morning saying he was too drunk and so he stayed over at a hotel. Sometimes he comes home at ard 5 or 6 am when he had been out since 3pm.

I’ve given him all the freedom he needs. In fact on our wedding anniversary this year he was out with some friends. And the “OW” was there. He left Home at 3ish and only came home at 7 in th morning.

Am I thinking too much? Or has he fallen in love with another girl and not able to face the truth as he is very afraid to lose his kids.

It sounds like an open marriage since you are fine with him staying out all night with "friends", but know what is really going on, since your friends are telling you directly and indirectly. If you are afraid of divorce since you don't work, then it seems tolerating his affairs is what you want to do.

I was home with the kids when he is out. He says he is out with his friends.

 

But sometimes he comes home the next morning.Sometimes he comes home at ard 5 or 6 am when he had been out since 3pm. I’ve given him all the freedom he needs.

No we don’t. Not at all. I was home with the kids when he is out. He says he is out with his friends. But sometimes he comes home the next morning saying he was too drunk and so he stayed over at a hotel. Sometimes he comes home at ard 5 or 6 am when he had been out since 3pm.

 

I’ve given him all the freedom he needs. In fact on our wedding anniversary this year he was out with some friends. And the “OW” was there. He left Home at 3ish and only came home at 7 in th morning.

 

Am I thinking too much? Or has he fallen in love with another girl and not able to face the truth as he is very afraid to lose his kids.

I don't understand why any of this is acceptable. Staying out until 6 AM is something college-age kids do, not parents. This is unbelievable. I can't believe that you would tolerate this.

You need to wake up. This guy is cheating on you. I would seek divorce lawyer, unless you are cool with him cheating.

Lastly, stop allowing people to walk all over and disrespect you.

No we don’t. Not at all. I was home with the kids when he is out. He says he is out with his friends. But sometimes he comes home the next morning saying he was too drunk and so he stayed over at a hotel. Sometimes he comes home at ard 5 or 6 am when he had been out since 3pm.

 

I’ve given him all the freedom he needs. In fact on our wedding anniversary this year he was out with some friends. And the “OW” was there. He left Home at 3ish and only came home at 7 in th morning.

 

Am I thinking too much? Or has he fallen in love with another girl and not able to face the truth as he is very afraid to lose his kids.

Sounds to me like you've been very deliberately blind and in denial about what your husband is actually up to.

I mean really...... a man with two children and a wife doesn't bother coming home at night and you are putting up with that plus buying the bs he is feeding you about it?

Sorry, OP, but seems like your friends, even mutual friends are trying to clue you in, in terms of what your husband is really up to while you are "giving him so much freedom". Since you don't seem to be able to get a handle on this yourself or confront him in any meaningful way, I'd suggest that you hire a PI and get to the bottom of this mess that way. Of course, before you do that, better decide what you want to do about your marriage. Carry on pretending that everything is just great or get the truth and leave him. Once seen, some things can't be unseen so to speak, so be sure you know what you really want.