My bf never wants to have alone time w me...why?

Hi,

This is it, I know my bf for more than 5 years and we've dated in the past and now we're back together. It's been a year since we're in a relationship. I lived at his house and everything's pretty good. But...actually, it's been months (really, like almost 8 months) that he never wants to spend alone time with me and this is not by saying "no" directly to me when I propose something. It's more about excuses he makes, like every single day he's tired, or just don't want to do the activity I bring up.

Well, so I stopped asking and once, I complained about doing nothing with him and he told me that I'd never ask anything ???? but I did, for weeks and got (legit!) tired of it because he'd refuse, and then, an argument starts and I always end up shutting myself down.

I must add something, we almost hang out every 2 days with his friends, like there's no problem he says he loves when I'm here with his friends and he gets sad if I say no when he wants me to join him and his friends. So I've never thought he's ashamed of showing me, as he always bring me up when I feel down, ugly etc.

So, I'd like to know from a man point of view or even a girl, what y'all think?

The only time we hang out just the two of us, it's for buying groceries or an appointment, he used to take me on date sometimes, restaurant, cinema, walking....but someday he just stopped and I've never figured out why.

PS: talking with him is quite impossible because he always repeats that there's no problem, that everything's going good, and if I try to deepen the talk he feels attacked and isolate himself from me...

How old is he?

Im 20 and he's 21! Sorry not to have mentioned that ^^

That's okay.

Was it different before? It sounds like you are more of a friend. I would stop hanging with the friends so much. Only once a week. And, don't ask him out anymore. If things don't improve, then you should end it

PS: talking with him is quite impossible because he always repeats that there's no problem, that everything's going good, and if I try to deepen the talk he feels attacked and isolate himself from me...

You guys are young, but that doesn't make his behavior okay. If you feel like you can't have honest communication with your partner about your relationship, it's a huge red flag that the relationship is unhealthy. It's completely reasonable that you want alone time with your partner. Don't belittle your needs to keep an unsatisfying relationship. It won't pay off in the long-run.

I would suggest ending it if you've already addressed the issue with him, and he's reacted like a victim, but I understand wanting to give a talk one more go. If his behavior doesn't change, however, and you're still unhappy, it is your responsibility to acknowledge that the relationship isn't working and end it. Good luck.

You sound annoying. Could be why.

You sound annoying. Could be why.

Ouch.......

When you're avoiding spending alone time with your own girlfriend, there's a problem. It sounds to me like he likes having you around for company when it suits him, but the more intimate aspects of the relationship have already died. You can't really do anything more if he doesn't believe there's any issue to fix, but you need to start considering whether you should break up. You have totally different needs and expectations that will make this very difficult to sustain over time.

Forgive me for being blunt, but how's your sex life with him?

You've been friends since you were 15? Why was it on/off in the past? Do you live with your parents, his parents, with roommates, a dorm?

What does it mean "I lived at his house"? If you are dating only a year, when did this happen? Do you both work or go to university? Why are you wasting your time "grocery shopping together"? Do that by yourself, let him do that by himself/with his friends.

It would be best to stop doing mundane playing house together things. Don't hang out with his friends. Just be busy with your own pursuits. It's that simple. Let him have time with them while you pursue your own interests and friends.

It sounds like you are sick of each other from playing house and you need to move out and pull back so he has a chance to miss you and the only way he'll be able to spend time with you is if plans are made for dates. Stop pretending you are an old bored married couple and start enjoying being 20 and single.

Im 20 and he's 21. I know my bf for more than 5 years

I just explain the situation with details so people can understand. Tell me what makes you think I sound annoying, explain the criticism instead of just being shady. I accept everything, if something's wrong with me, I totally take the guilt, but I'd like to know why and how I've could annoyed you a certain way.

No, that's alright, maybe I'm really boring, but if I've never noticed that on myself I'm really intrresting to see how a random guy felt that about me! That's cool :)

Okay, I totally get what you wrote and I agree..

The sex life is really good, we have sex couple of times but if one of us isn't in the mood that's okay for the other, there's no abuse or anything. so I'd like to think that's already an intimate aspect that hasn't died yet!

First, we were in a long distance relationship for 6 months and everything was good for me, as always, but at some point he couldn't handle it no more so he broke up with me during another 6months, at the end he got back with me, we stayed again for 6 months together and then he broke up for same reason (distance) and after it has lasted for 5 years. At the beginning, I was begging him to stay, that we could figured it out, but we were too young, my parents wouldn't let me every weekend at his place and stuff.

But about 2 or 3 years ago, I started to stop being such a baby, I started to suppress him of my life and since that moment, he always tried to reach me, to contact me, I had no Facebook, Snapchat or whatever, a year and half ago, I allowed him to be my friend, he wanted more, he said he always loved me, during years he was sending me 1 message every 3 months to make sure I think of him that's why I started to stay away from my phone and' social media, well, months went by and in september I had to move in to his city for uni but I had no money, I moved in his parents' house, so I lived with them and him of course.

I went to uni this year. He doesn't, he starts school in September, when I was going to uni he'd stayed at home every single day and play video games. He has left school for years and now he's about to start again.

We're going grocery shopping together because I have no car nor my driver license so I'm totally dependent on him, that's the big problem in the relationship. (However, I'm currently learning how to drive at school so that's a matter of time)

The thing is that I have no friends here, I know nobody apart of his friends. The only friend that I made at uni, was this boy who wanted to flirt with me even though I told him I have a boyfriend and these girls who wanted to be my friend but always talked behind my back??? So I just stayed alone..

I totally agree with you by the way. I'm sick of that. And I really want to be independent, that's why I'm looking for a job, an apartment and all those stuff to have my own life, I think it could make the things work out between us, and the fact is about to go back to school after years of staying at home will make the time we have together a bit more precious...because now life is about living 24/7 with each other, and even I, I wish I could be alone sometimes!

Excellent. Continue your driving course and uni studies. Also continue your search for some work and housing and pursuit of independence. Continue to make friends at uni. Get a place with roommates. You need to do something to help yourself.

Join clubs groups sports and whatever you can to move your social life toward uni and away from depending on him and his parents. Perhaps there is help at the uni with student housing and student financial assistance. But you must pursue these things rather than hang out with him, having sex in his parents house and just being there

You and your parents should be supporting you, not him and his parents. That is all wrong.

He can do whatever he wants now because you are simply "there" hanging out at his parents and feeling beholden because they support you, which of course should not be happening. Learn to live on your own, with roommates or in a dorm. Also having sex with him in his parents home is a bit sleazy and encourages further lack of respect and disregard for you.

So questions about your sex life is quite irrelevant and inappropriate considering you live in his parents home rather than in your or his own place.

I had to move in to his city for uni but I had no money, I moved in his parents' house so I'm totally dependent on him.

The thing is that I have no friends here, I know nobody apart of his friends.

now life is about living 24/7 with each other, and even I, I wish I could be alone sometimes!

This has never really been a relationship. Either you were broken up or long distance.

He is clearly showing you that you are not a priority, and certainly does not treat you like a girlfriend. Yes. You should have a job and friends, not revolve you life around some guy. Terrible idea to live with parents.

I don't think he is a match for you, and neither does he.