Not sure

So, not sure how to start. English is not my native language so please excuse any errors. Since my divorce about 18 years ago I have had 4 long term relationships. 4 yrs, 4 yrs 3 years and 2 years. They were all unhealthy in one way or another, yet they were good in other ways. I am not a fan of online dating but I briefly gave it a try. I don't really "need " need a man in my life but it is nice to spend time with someone who has similar interests and just have some sort of a companion. Recently, I was invited to a Birthday Party where I only knew the host and I was hesitant about going, but friends and family kinda convinced me to go.

As it happens, there was a man there whom I briefly conversed with on POF, but it just fizzled out, we never met. I somehow knew he was a mutual friend of the host but I wasn't sure if he was going to be there or whatever or what his relationship status may be. It didn't even really cross my mind. So, when I went to the party, he was there and I was looking for the hosesst, asking around, feeling a bit out of place and he kinda stopped me introduced himself and said he remembered me from the online dating site. He then led me to the lady who had the party. I knew no one else and this place was in the country and this guy made sure I was safe, going back and forth to the house ( bathroom) or whatever needed, made sure I was comfortable.As the party dwindled down we hung out together with the lady of the house and had a good time when it was time to leave he escorted me to my car, I was slightly buzzed, but not terribly bad, and he asked me If he should drive me home. I probably should have taken him up on it but I just thought about all the ramifications, I.E, him having to get back to his car, knowing where I live, just stuff. So I declined and he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I had enjoyed talking to him and was interested in getting to know him and he was obviously keen as well.

He texted me the next day, just a brief text, and I replied and we agreed to get together a couple of days later. Now, we are both mature adults, I thought he was younger and he thought I was also but we are respectively 60 ( he) and 52 (I). We have great chemistry and a lot in common. However, he told me he is a full-time grandfather/ caregiver to his grandkids. They are 3 years and 1 yr old He and his daughter share a 2 BR flat she works nights and I guess sleeps part of the day. He also has his 14-year-old son from a previous marriage staying with him for the summer who stays with his custodial mum for the rest of the year or whatever their agreement is,. He was married for over 30 years and has 5 children. Just trying to give some background here.

He has a close relationship with all of his children they range from 31 to 14,

He recently loaned one of his sons his vehicle and the son wrecked it, so he has no transportation, he is working on getting it fixed and borrowed his sons or daughters car to come to see me about 3 or 4 times in a 3-week span.

His daughter went out of town this past Thursday for a Bachelorette party in Vegas for his future daughter in law. So he had the 2 grandkids, his 14-year-old son and also the daughter of the soon to be married couple, since the groom had to work, He wanted me to come over, but I bailed twice mostly because his communication isn't the greatest. We live an hour away from another and haven't met another's families or friends, but he gave me his address and told me I am welcome anytime.

.When I am with him, he is most attentive, total gentleman, I am attracted to him, but as far as communication goes it has been a struggle, I know texting isn't the answer, but when we talk on the phone there is always something going on, so texting seems more convenient. He initiates most of the conversations but then ghosts out. We got into some sort of disagreement last weekend I was going to go see him, but I had a cold and didn't want to get the kids sick. I had previously said to maybe tire the kids out so they would be asleep when I get there but he said they were on his schedule but he was trying to get it more normalized. Anyway, I decided not to go over there because it just, Idk I didn't feel well made me uncomfortable, and he was like, dang, I put the kids to bed early just for you ( me) bail on me, yadda yadda blah. I then told him in so many words that he doesn't really have time/space whatever to carry on a relationship, and he said he was "sorry" that he had a

family he cared about. And he was saying that I am trying to come between him and his grandkids.

I replied that there should be some balance as to where he has a life of his own and not totally dedicated to caring for his grandkids. I have more than once said how commendable it is and he said he enjoys it. so Idk where to go from here. He texted me again after this exchange but it sometimes takes him hours to reply. I don't know what to do. This is crazy.

Can an admin please delete this post, I can't figure out how to do it, thanks

Can an admin please delete this post, I can't figure out how to do it, thanks

I don't think you're comfortable with this guy. He seemed to have shown you a different side of himself when he got easily angry. I think you should move on and look for another gentleman to be with. Try to let him down easily but be firm. Sometimes guys can be insistent and women can be a bit too passive..

It sounds like his lifestyle doesn't blend with yours, and you can't force him to change anything. He's happy with the status quo and raising his grandchildren, and possibly being taken advantage of, but possibly just a close-knit family with a lifestyle you don't understand and don't see for yourself. Unless you're willing to embrace the circumstances and blend with them...happily...this may very well be a relationship that was fun while it lasted, but it's just not going to work out. You want and expect different things.

I decided not to go over there because it just, Idk I didn't feel well made me uncomfortable, and he was like, dang, I put the kids to bed early just for you ( me) bail on me, yadda yadda blah. I then told him in so many words that he doesn't really have time/space whatever to carry on a relationship,

It makes sense to not want to spread an illness. He was out of line to fault you for bailing, because it makes no sense to guilt anyone for being ill. An appropriate response would have been, "I'm sorry you're feeling lousy, and I hope you feel better soon."

He didn't say that, so he comes off as a jerk.

We could leave it at that, but you decided to overstep and declare him unfit for a relationship.

Wul? That's just as rude as he was, so I guess you're even.

So, you've both devolved into teenage behavior. What's the question again?

Thank you, everyone, for replying and purple paisley think you nailed it . Our lifestyles just clash and whilst we are attracted to one another and have great fun it will not work out in the long run,.Danzee, he wasnt really angry but thought I blew him off and he tried to accomodate me by putting the kids to bed early.

It is hard to establish a connection with someone, especially when one is of mature age, so we both were delighted to have found one another. I know it sounds silly, but we were. I can't change the situation he is in and I am not interested in raising a one and 3 yr old, well he is raising them but I would be part of their lives, if we decided to continue on. I basically told him that I didn't feel our lifestyle meshes, but he is asking for more time saying that I just recently came into his life and he commited himself to be the caretaker because he had nothing else or no one to spend time with and he would work on changing things, but eh..idk having someone who I am attracted to and it is reciprocated is hard to find period, so Isk id I shoukld just give it time or let it fizzle out