He ghosted me and months later he apologized.

I was in an LDR for 5 months i met him when i was struggling to get over a guy he really liked me and said he wanna date me i was hesitant because he was young. i was 29 and he is only 23. he said things that tickle my fancy like travel to his country and we travelling together and meet me irl and apart from that he really seem interested in getting to know me and showed that he cared and wasnt pervy at all. he made me trust him so much that even ghosting me i wouldnt think he would do or even hurt me but everything he said was put into trash when he disappeared on me a week before christmas and my birthday. he just messaged me days after saying sorry he is gone so long and had personal things going on with his life and he cant see me anymore during the summer and then i didnt hear anything from him anymore. all my messages are ignored. and then by the beginning of april i sent him a hurtful message saying he is an and a jerk. he seen my message but didnt reply after a month his message saying" everytime i try to message you and apologize i freeze and feel like crying" it made me so relieved because i thought he really forgotten me but part of me says i wish i seen it soooner, i sent a reply message but just a question mark but he didnt open the tab. so i readded him on snapchat but i seen he is active but didnt message me. now i feel terrible. i mean i still feel bad about the breakup cuz he left me hanging with no closure. its so hard for me i feel trapped and unable to move. now i have so many questions if he really loved me or just pretended everything. i never had long term relationships and this is devastating. being ghosted is very hurtful it left the victim with so many questions. i know i should forget but its really really hard. i wish i can just forget him because i'm so sick of thinking about him all the time with what if's and why. i know for sure he is with someone else he replaced me with and happy but here iam all depressed unable to move and totally brokenhearted.

please leave your thoughts/comments and advice?

Just to clarify, have you ever met him in person?

Unfortunately sounds like a scammer or catfish or married. Try your best to meet local real-life guys.

he said things that tickle my fancy like travel to his country and we travelling together and meet me irl

There is something wrong w/this whole situation. Lets say he isn't a scammer (big possibility though), he up and ghosted you. I honestly wouldn't trust him either way and would let his messages go unanswered.

meet people in real life, not necessarily mwn, friends and family even, when your life is fulfilling, things like this dont happen. You were searching for a fantasy.

Just to clarify, have you ever met him in person?

No, he said we would and i trusted him but he disappeared and left me hanging.

i still dont understand what he did.

Unfortunately sounds like a scammer or catfish or married. Try your best to meet local real-life guys.

I've seen on him on cam and he is real and lives with his parents so i doubt he is married.

There is something wrong w/this whole situation. Lets say he isn't a scammer (big possibility though), he up and ghosted you. I honestly wouldn't trust him either way and would let his messages go unanswered.

Yeah i know. I remembered those times last holidays and my birthday i've been texting him a lot but i was ignored he texted me after 5 months of no contact

saying everytime he try to message me and apologize he freeze and feel like crying. i replied him a question mark and even readded him on snapchat but he didnt reply and i feel hurt and stupid. its just that when i was dating or talking to him for months i was focused on him and he isnt perverted like most guys i've met. and i like that about him. i have no friends and my life revolved into him so here iam dwelling because i really dont see what he did coming :( i'm so depressed. i feel like something is wrong with me because none stays or just there to take advantage of me i find him so different from the guys i met online and thought he is the one or my soulmate. its just that i expected a lot from him.i trusted him whole. i dont know what i did to make him disappear like that when he said i'm a nice person why he didnt wanna keep me around maybe at least in good terms and be friends and not ghosting me and not properly breaking up

meet people in real life, not necessarily mwn, friends and family even, when your life is fulfilling, things like this dont happen. You were searching for a fantasy.

but i've seen LDR couples meet in real life. :( and that is my ultimate dream. whats with them? :(

No, he said we would and i trusted him but he disappeared and left me hanging.

i still dont understand what he did.

In reality, you have no clue if this guy is even single. I am guessing he's not.

Unfortunately, this wasn't love. You don't know each other well enough to love him; you love who you think he is, which you have no way of verifying. This is such a risky proposition, OP. Please, don't ever call someone your boyfriend when you have never once met them offline. It leads to world of disappointment when it doesn't ever materialize, as you're experiencing now.

My advice? Don't continue looking for men online. Your filter isn't yet strong enough to weed out the jokers from the serious candidates.

but i've seen LDR couples meet in real life. :( and that is my ultimate dream. whats with them? :(

Speaking from personal experience on meeting a LDR lover, its not all its cracked to be. I know very few people who were in successful LDR and none that met online. I started pining after a long distance guy and met him 3 times (day to weeks long) and the relationship did not work out. Close distance relationships are 100 times better and I am enjoying seeing my bf every week as opposed to chasing someone who is an hour flight away.

its not all its cracked to be

What does this mean?

In reality, you have no clue if this guy is even single. I am guessing he's not.

 

Unfortunately, this wasn't love. You don't know each other well enough to love him; you love who you think he is, which you have no way of verifying. This is such a risky proposition, OP. Please, don't ever call someone your boyfriend when you have never once met them offline. It leads to world of disappointment when it doesn't ever materialize, as you're experiencing now.

 

My advice? Don't continue looking for men online. Your filter isn't yet strong enough to weed out the jokers from the serious candidates.

I felt the love in all honesty he would support and try to change me and getting out of my depression but i think i was too much of a burden for him because i became clingy and would get upset easy and would lose confidence in us by pushing him away and telling him we would just waste time. in all those 5 months i wasnt confident but he still stayed and was patient i just dont know what made him do his last disrespecful action of ghosting me. it hurts so much i always question if he really cared or loved me if he did he wouldnt leave me and ghost me i trusted him so much . when we talk we never ran out of things to talk about and was really different from other guys i met online so its really disappointing and made me really upset.

its not all its cracked to be

 

 

What does this mean?

That something isn't the same as shown in certain situations. Like long distance in romantic movies, all rainbows, but in real life its completely different.

I felt the love in all honesty he would support and try to change me and getting out of my depression but i think i was too much of a burden for him because i became clingy and would get upset easy and would lose confidence in us by pushing him away and telling him we would just waste time. in all those 5 months i wasnt confident but he still stayed and was patient i just dont know what made him do his last disrespecful action of ghosting me. it hurts so much i always question if he really cared or loved me if he did he wouldnt leave me and ghost me i trusted him so much . when we talk we never ran out of things to talk about and was really different from other guys i met online so its really disappointing and made me really upset.

But this is part of the problem; you don't know him well enough to trust him like this.

You can't even say for sure that he doesn't have a girlfriend in real life. That is not someone you should be placing any amount of trust into.

I feel slightly differently from the others, only in the sense that I *do* believe you loved him (based on your limited knowledge of him), your feelings were and are very real.

Even if your feelings make no sense to anyone else, they were and are very real to you and I think that should be respected. And not told they weren't real, you really didn't love him, or whatever. That's not for anyone else to say, in my opinion.

Love often isn't logical, and that's true in "real life" relationships as well!

Having said that, while I acknowledge on line interactions can be quite compelling, and yes there are couples who can transition from on line to real life quite easily and effortlessly, it's very rare because the *interaction* (not sure I could even call it a relationship) itself is based on an ideal, a fantasy of sorts, how could it be anything else?

It's being conducted on line, not in "real" life!

So it's super important to keep that perspective, manage your emotions, and NOT allow yourself to become too attached to the outcome.

Have fun with it and enjoy it. Let it take you wherever it's meant to take you - whether it's meeting in person and clicking, or not clicking, or not meeting at all, and eventually going separate ways.

Treasure the memories.

Unfortunately in your case it's way too late for any of that. You *have* become too attached to the outcome (way too attached) and since the outcome wasn't what you were hoping or expecting, you are hurt and angry.

My advice would be to switch your focus.

Instead of focusing on him and what his motivations were (or are), why he behaved as he did, or what he's feeling, focus on YOU and ask yourself why you allowed yourself to become so attached to the outcome, based on an ideal, the image of him and the fantasy.

Your feelings are real, but the "relationship" itself wasn't real, because in order for something to be "real" it should be experienced in *real* life, the *real* world, not via the computer or phone.

I think if you can change your mindset about that and put things in their proper perspective, it might make it easier for you to move on.

I am sorry you're hurting though, feel better soon! Time heals.

I know I'm not an expert on having long lasting relationships as I haven't been in one in a long time, but I still don't get why people entertain the fantasy of a relationship with someone they met online and lives in another country. The chances of it working are very few and it's all too much work when it's much easier with someone local. I know some relationships like this ended up working in real life, but they're very rare.

I felt the love in all honesty he would support and try to change me and getting out of my depression but i think i was too much of a burden for him because i became clingy and would get upset easy and would lose confidence in us by pushing him away and telling him we would just waste time. in all those 5 months i wasnt confident but he still stayed and was patient i just dont know what made him do his last disrespecful action of ghosting me. it hurts so much i always question if he really cared or loved me if he did he wouldnt leave me and ghost me i trusted him so much . when we talk we never ran out of things to talk about and was really different from other guys i met online so its really disappointing and made me really upset.

"he still stayed"... texting someone is easy, how does that equate to actually staying and be there? You don't know just based on texts and online convo. Demand better for yourself. You deserve better and until you realise it, you'll keep attaching yourself to these types of "relationships" that never materialise and leave you a mess because you think that this is as better as it can get. It's not, there's better out there and not countries away.

Oh man... don't go down that path. I completely understand what you're going through, I really do. Connecting with someone even if they are thousands of miles away can take as much from you as if it were irl. Just go NC for a good while and with time you won't give a damn anymore. It takes time though so work on yourself and your well being just like I'm doing so. With that NC time you will get to sort out your emotions. Don't stay friends with that person at all just go full on NC. For now it will definitely hurt. It's okay to cry and feel temporarily bipolar. Don't let anyone tell you you're delusional.