Yarmer Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 This particular girl lives in my hometown and I live 700 miles away. We first connected on social media and gradually became closer and closer. Last I was in town we had a short date and had a great time. (Short because I get sick) We kept up communication once or twice a week for the next months and while she was out of the country for a month things escalated. We began to flirt way more talking daily. I invited her jokingly to come visit and a couple days later after continuing to show interest on social media, she said she would. That Monday I took the Iniciative and booked her flight and she paid me back. We made plans for the next couple weeks for the weekend sheÂ’d visit. I live with two other men and a rather small house so I booked an air bnb so weÂ’d have room to breathe. Now weÂ’re a week away from her arrival and she says she has to cancel because she canÂ’t financially pull it off right now. I responded that most of everything is paid for and she wouldnÂ’t need much because most of the acitivities we were gonna do weÂ’re free anyway. She said she will figure it out and that her cancelation was a worst possible sdenerio. I felt like I put some pressure on the situation whoops What do I do form here just kinda wait and see or let her know itÂ’s no big deal? Any advice would be appreciate Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she got cold feet. I would back off the online flirting and communication. At this point you don't know if she met someone local or just wanted a chat buddy or has you in her friendzone. Link to comment
DanZee Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Yeah, I think she's worried because she doesn't know you very well and here she'll be staying with you in an AirBNB for a weekend. You could say that you'll be staying at your place and she can stay at the AirBNB to try to allay her fears. She still might invite you to stay the night if she feels safe. But at least this gives her an out in case you turn into the date from hell. Link to comment
Yarmer Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 I think I got ahead of myself. Wanted it to be perfect. I’ve anticipated the weekend for a while and I subconsciously put to much pressure on it. The trip is suppose to be next weekend. Let her get back to me? And assume it probably ain’t happening Or Reach out and let her know she can stay at air bnb and we’ll just play it by ear. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Definitely too much pressure to think she would stay overnight at an Air BnB with nearly a stranger. She should have her own place to stay. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 A weekend away with a guy she barely knows is far too much for a second date. I know you were excited, OP, but I think you got carried away booking her a ticket. That puts her in the awkward position of feeling obliged to accept, even if she wasn't overly keen. Chatting to someone online just isn't the same as truly knowing them, so I understand her hesitation with this. You could let her know that she is welcome to stay in the Air B&B on her own, if she likes. I think the ship has sailed on this weekend though, because she will likely feel even more awkward accepting such an offer now that she has already warned you she might cancel for financial reasons. I would let her know the solo Air B&B stay is an option, and let her decide from there. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 you came on too strong. I would have gone on a few more dates in your hometown with her first --and by all means -- tell her that you will stay at your place and pick her up for dates. I think the fact that she didn't book accommodations but you did may make her feel pressured that you expect sex. But overall, its important to be leery of men who come on too strong. Tell her that "you were excited for her to come to your town that you might have done things that felt like too much pressure --- you can either stay at the airbnb and i can stay at my place or i can cancel the airbnb and we you can use the ticket another time." also, were you even sure she could take off of work?? Link to comment
Yarmer Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 I spoke to her on Friday and basically said I got ahead of myself and usually do things spontaneously. I apologized and said I didn’t want her to feel obligated or pressured into coming. I still let her know it would be fun if she came but indicated there will be plenty of opportunities to hang out down the line. She responded that she agreed and said “we” got ahead of ourselves. She said she never get pressured and reiterated that financially it’s not a good time for her. She said she loved how I was spontaneous. She said maybe in a month we can revisit the trip idea. And said she would rather see me sooner rather than later. Then asked if I was coming into town soon. I will be visiting Home in a month. I think these are posititve responses. I took a backseat to the communication over the weekend and she was proactive in getting in touch. There is obviously some interest but we barely know each other. Any advice how to proceed? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 I spoke to her on Friday and basically said I got ahead of myself and usually do things spontaneously. I apologized and said I didn’t want her to feel obligated or pressured into coming. I still let her know it would be fun if she came but indicated there will be plenty of opportunities to hang out down the line. She responded that she agreed and said “we” got ahead of ourselves. She said she never get pressured and reiterated that financially it’s not a good time for her. She said she loved how I was spontaneous. She said maybe in a month we can revisit the trip idea. And said she would rather see me sooner rather than later. Then asked if I was coming into town soon. I will be visiting Home in a month. I think these are posititve responses. I took a backseat to the communication over the weekend and she was proactive in getting in touch. There is obviously some interest but we barely know each other. Any advice how to proceed? Don't get so serious - just look forward to the next meetup. No sex. In the meantime, be realistic. Do you see yourself ever relocating back to your hometown? At the same time, as long as you are not having sex and have not had a talk about exclusivity -- you are right that you barely know her and if you click with someone locally you should go for it. Link to comment
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