When to open up about the past or lack of

Hello All,

As you may not remember my story, a bit of recap. 32 years old woman, that for various reason has started properly dating and having sex only last year.

After a pretty bad (emotionally not sexually luckily for me) first story last year, since November I have been seeing my current boyfriend, and after a lot of work on myself I am really happy in how things are going and I see now all the things he does that are important.

The only thing I am afraid of is if and when is going to ask me about my previous relationships. I definitely do not want to say anything yet, still for as much as we like each other I am not sure it is love yet. I would not want him to worry about why my life has been like that, I want him to love me for the person I am now.

He hasn't mentioned anything of his own past relationships, but when I met his family, his mom was extremely happy to see me and she showed me a family picture saying something in the line of "So you know who they are before meeting them" which makes me think that he hasn't brought anyone home for a long time.

What do you say? I am more inclined to keep things as they are until I know for sure that he loves me for me.

Thanks,

Mikaila

It's best to be honest, but you can be brief and not get into details. I don't know your situation, but examples would be, "I was in a brief relationship last year, but it wasn't the right one for me." If he asks if there were more relationships in the past-- "I wanted the freedom of being single at the time and concentrate on my career."

It's nothing to be embarrassed about. But in turn, if you don't want to talk about it until you are ready, then simply 'I don't want to talk about it until I am ready' is a feasible statement, followed by 'It's nothing bad'.

I have used the statement, 'the past is the past, I prefer focussing on the future.'

You too seem concerned about his past or potential lack of. I would suggest not being so worried what people think.

I realize relationships are new to you, but you're creating drama for dramas sake, hon.

I'm not trying to belittle your experience in anyway, I'm not even clear what it is, but there are people who have some pretty dark histories who have survived and are dating no problem.

Do you think a decorated veteran comes back from war and tells a woman he likes and has been dating for 8 months his body count? Doubtful.

Enjoy your relationship for what it is and let things progress naturally, the issue you're bringing up is a non issue. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, a best friend or your second cousin, you have every right to not talk about something you don't want to talk about. Learn what your boundaries are.

I realize relationships are new to you, but you're creating drama for dramas sake, hon.

 

I'm not trying to belittle your experience in anyway, I'm not even clear what it is, but there are people who have some pretty dark histories who have survived and are dating no problem.

 

Do you think a decorated veteran comes back from war and tells a woman he likes and has been dating for 8 months his body count? Doubtful.

 

Enjoy your relationship for what it is and let things progress naturally, the issue you're bringing up is a non issue. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, a best friend or your second cousin, you have every right to not talk about something you don't want to talk about. Learn what your boundaries are.

Eh eh, you are right! I will see how things go.

There's no reason for him to ask, and there's no reason for you to bring it up.

This is not an issue, just enjoy everything and don't let insecurities take hold. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed about your past just embrace it. I remember being embarrassed because I didn't lose my virginity until 21, how crazy is that!

It's perfectly fine, even smart, to respond to any inappropriate questions with a simple statement that you don't believe in bringing one's past relationship history into a current relationship.

STD status, any prior marriages, and approximate date of last breakup are the only things I believe potential lovers are responsible for disclosing to one another.

EnjOy.

There's no reason for him to ask, and there's no reason for you to bring it up.

Agreed.....