I wrote too much...or not enough? Help.

Hi,

I'm trying to find the appropriate place for this. I had a female friend that I have known for awhile and fell in love with. I assumed she felt the same because she was making some big hints about us being a couple and getting married. She kept talking to me about her biological clock and looking for apartments. It happened really fast. Needless to say, I was impulsive, wrote a LONG OBSESSIVE and CRAZY letter. Yeah, it sounds like borderline psychopath, but I let infatuation do the talking and wrote something extremely obsessive. I gave it to her in an envelope with some little handmade paper trinkets and a spray of my cologne. However, she did not run away, but she acted sad and said she failed. Yes, strange. I will never do this again for sure. Does my letter seem like a breakup letter or something other than a confession of feelings? Does it sound like I would do anything for her and that I saw her as more than a friend? Does it sound like I wanted a relationship with her? I know this sounds desperate and it was,

but I want to make sure that those points came across. (Please read it all...I know it is way too long and over the top).

(Also, I say we were classmates, but we were more than just that because we were talking to each other almost everyday outside of school and skyping at night.)

Dear K,

It has been an honor to work with you over this past semester and to be a classmate with you over the past year. To be honest, my graduation is bittersweet as I will see less of you as our academic paths divert. When you first arrived with your cohort last year, my initial thought was "This woman is so professional, but maybe too professional." Spending time with you in our film class over last summer, I thought "Wow, she is such a sweet, gentle, and special person." After getting to know you over the course of this semester, I have realized what kind of person you are. I have a lot of heroes, but I honestly think you are the one that has influenced me the most as a peer, Superwoman. You are my hero because of how you are able to work as hard as you do, meet group demands, and still manage to show up to class the next day with a smile on your face. My most captivating memory of you that imprinted yourself upon my heart was during a routine team meeting for our internship program. You came in to class that morning and you sounded like you had a sore throat and a serious cold. During that entire class and meeting, you did not utter a single complaint and you recorded our meeting minutes despite the discomfort you may have had. Soon after, I read your biography and I felt captivated by the person that you are. It was apparent that you were someone that lived for others with a strong servant's heart, that you were a caring soul, that you were humble, and that you were a motivator. About a month later, you had another cold and you further confirmed some thoughts I had about you. Again, you did not complain, you kept meeting minutes, made an agenda, and tried your best to sit through two classes. I swear, I wanted to hug you, take you to your house, and get you whatever you needed while you rested, but the remarkable thing about you is how self-reliant and tough you are. I have seen you faced with stressful situation, but I have never seen you falter. It is said that pressure can turn coal into diamonds, but I never saw pressure turn you into dust. As I texted to you that day:

"It is the days like today that confirm why I think so highly of you. Despite being sick, you worked on a project, attended class, made an agenda, and kept minutes. You are an awesome person."

Now, why did I feel compelled to write this? As you know, I am not a person of many words. You are like an iceberg because the person that I had the privilege of working alongside was undoubtedly only a small chunk of who you really are. You are like an unfinished book because the chapters I have seen are impressive, but what comes next will surely be more impressive. You are the type of person that books are written about, that movie scripts headline with a star actress, and that ultimately make a difference in world while inspiring others. I was one of those people that you inspired. As you and I once talked about, the blank canvas of your life is starting to look like a work of art comparable to Michelangelo's work in the Sistine Chapel. That smile and cheerful attitude of yours made every day of class worthwhile and always made my entire day feel special. I always wanted to help you in any way I could despite my limited skillset. I would be holding back if I did not mention your beauty. While your soul is beautiful, so is your appearance. I have honestly never seen someone make glasses look so pretty while maintaining a grace comparable to Kate Middleton. Your smile could radiate through a cement wall and bring warmth and joy to everyone in range. In my imagination, I also assume that you would look beautiful in a ballroom gown with your undying elegance. In any case, I felt that I needed to put these feelings to paper in order to share these emotions. There were times, too many to count, during this semester where I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be in a group with you. On a few occasions, you asked me to proofread some of your work and I felt honored that someone as smart as you would ask a lowly person like me to suggest corrections to your work, but I also would be lying if I did not think that you were trying to show off marginally. At times, you would seem to act insecure about your writing, but in my opinion, your insecurity seemed like it was a byproduct of your modesty because of how much effort you put into your writing. I felt even more honored to sit by you and be able to experience your fantastic personality up close. Whether it was your morning cheerfulness or you doing something as caring as washing the dishes after a classmate's study session at his home, you never ceased to amaze me. Additionally, I was puzzled as to why such a nice and charismatic individual would even want to sit right next to me which is what happened at the beginning of our last semester. Whether it was in our marketing class, talking about dieting, or talking about films, I enjoyed every moment with you as a classmate despite the appearance of my suppressed emotional state. Trust me, I was grinning on the inside and it made every long and tiring morning worthwhile. At other times, I felt that I may have been an intrusive presence. Honestly, there were times that I felt guilty and that I may have inadvertently alienated such a good person. Personally, I always wanted to compliment you, but I felt that those comments sometimes came out as odd, creepy, or misplaced. At times, I felt like my attempted compliments may have made you uncomfortable because I felt like there were days in which you were afraid of me or would hope that I disappeared. If I ever did make you uncomfortable, I apologize. You taught me a lot about faith in God and guiding our paths in your own beautiful words. After all, I guess it might have been God's way by guiding me into this business program in order for me to meet someone like you. I mean, what are the odds that someone who grew up with a near genius IQ would be in class with this average guy just finishing school as a stepping stone towards pursuing future passions? The odds were stacked against me experiencing such an event whether I realized it or not.

I tried my best to hold in my emotions, but I feel that ultimately failed in the end. Why? I failed because of your true candor and generosity. Some messages we have exchanged over Google Hangouts are permanently engraved into my mind. You never tried to take credit and you would often thank God for successes in your life. However, we both know hard you have worked and fought to become the person that you are. As a result, my soul itself would be conflicted and I would find myself dumbstruck by your beautiful words. These emotions would consume me and I would think for hours about your words even if you wrote only few short sentences. Whenever I had the chance, I wanted to make sure that I voiced my opinions of you. You are a truly amazing woman. There were times when I wanted to ask you out on a date, but I ultimately felt that such words would be distracting between our group project and your internship, so I did not wish levy that burden on you. Not only that, if you did not harbor the best emotions towards me, I did not want to generate that discomfort. I even thought that uttering such a query would inappropriate because you are something much larger than that to me because of everything I have learned about you. As a kid, I had many heroes, but I see you as one of mine as a peer. There is a verse from poem that can summarize some of my feelings about this:

You can fool the whole world down the highway of years and take pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartbreak and tears if you cheated the man in the glass.

When I read that poem, I used to think of myself as the man looking into the glass and seeing disappointment, but after talking with you on a few occasions I felt as if I would peer into that mirror one day and see what I wanted. You have told me some things that I never thought I would ever hear another individual utter in my direction. Your kindness as a female managed melt the ice around my heart and exposed cracks in my armor as that facade of the emotionless person I would try to portray slowly withered away. Whether you were just being nice, you had kind thoughts towards me, or you thought me as anything else, you made me look deep into myself and try to define who I am, but I think my definition may still not be known.

I want to acknowledge how I will view you in the future. Your future is as bright as a thousand suns. Whether your yellow-brick road takes you through the military or to parts unknown, I hope to see how that path pans out. I hope you do not forget about the little people like me as your path will undoubtedly bring about hundreds of new faces, but I can say for sure that I will NEVER forget you. Whether I am looking down on your beautiful path while nestled high above, or I am working side-by-side with you on the ground, if you call upon me, I will be there for you if needed. As a friend, as an Excel guru, as a workout buddy or running buddy, as a proofreader, as anything, as a person to call to make the boredom of slow traffic pass by, you can count on my assistance because it is the least I can do after the wonderful memories you have given me over this last year in our program. As for myself, you already know about where I hope to start my path, but I still think of the lingering question that you gave me on that Friday in March "Where do you see yourself eventually?" I want to pursue my dream that we discussed, but I don't know and as for the people that I hope to share that future life with, I do not know where that path will lead either, but I do know that I would not mind having someone close to share my passion with, whether it's a child on my knee, or someone who just wants to travel with me exploring every facet of this beautiful country. I am not one to comment on love as I would not know it, but I will say that you have shaped my expectations. You are truly one in a million and if you do not realize that now, then you will realize that in hundreds of faces that you encounter as they gaze upon you in the future. On that note you also mentioned on that Friday morning "Hopefully our paths cross again." I hope for that as well. In fact, as a our favorite singer once sang:

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high

There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream,

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops,

High above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?"

I hope that I may see you at the other end of that rainbow one day if our paths diverge from here because my future memories will include a lot of looking back at the time I spent with you. I cannot help, but admit that there were so many times during this last semester where thoughts of you raced through my mind. In fact, I admit that I may have held a crush on you, still have one and probably always will, but I thought making that known to you would have negatively impacted our group project. In fact, I would be lying if I said that I did not fantasize and possibly still fantasize about us going out, developing a relationship, embracing each other on the day of graduation, and possibly being together. In fact, part of me will always hope that if you were to be single, that I could be there on your wing. In fact, as a side note, some people always thought there was something marginally romantic between us during the Chinese film class and they would mention it to me frequently, but I would keep this thought in the back of my mind "If only I could be so lucky." I remember another time in Project Management where I missed a question and you briefly put your hand on top of mine and said "It's alright." However, I noticed in the past months as a change in the attitude between us. At first, I thought you were mad at me as there were days that seemed as if you wanted to ignore me. On other days, it seemed like I had upset you, but you would still sit in proximity to me despite the silence. Then, I noticed some things as we had a beautiful talk on our final full session of our leadership class. I remember talking about future dreams and passion, I remember you and I both finding love in "Over the Rainbow" , but also I remember when we saw eye-to-eye on pursuing our passions rather than letting them pass by. First, you were sharing your dreams passionately; you still thought that I was being too nice with my comments, and that you want comfort in life. Second, your body language gave an interesting story as I could tell you were engaged in the conversation, you were attentive, you were blushing at times, and that you had somehow become a little more nervous or shy around me. I do not know whether your nervousness was the result of discomfort, uncertainty, or the possibility of feelings towards me, but it followed a pattern of your quick glances, sharp dressing, and even times of disbelief. If by some small chance you were nervous because of a crush on me, I am flattered and in which case, if I have not already told you in person, I would and will always welcome your feelings with open arms as you did with so many of mine. I want to assure you that you never need to be nervous as long as you speak the truth and you should never worry about what others think of you. In fact, I remember that the following Tuesday, I offered to help you finish a project for class. I did not originally anticipate spending too much time on that project, but something felt right about being there with you, so I stayed and I enjoyed every minute of it. You seemed stressed that day and I finally overcame my fears and put my arm around your shoulder to reassure you and the slight grin that I caught in the corner of your mouth sent me home a happy person. On the day of our presentation, we shared another hug and for me, it felt as if I had finally experienced something I had long missed out on when I finally got to put my arms around you and see you happy and relaxed. You are a great person to know and an even greater person to understand. I have heard you say that you have felt insecure about things like your car, independence and finance, and even about how chaotic your work- life balance is. None of those items define you, if someone is as shallow as to look past your accomplishments and your work ethic just to judge you on material possessions, then that person is a fool. We all start from somewhere, we all have insecurities, and the ways that we overcome those insecurities are what will ultimately define us. Hopefully, whether you have a boyfriend or not when you read this, I hope that he can adequately describe to you in person what I am putting on paper when I describe the hope and cheer that you have engraved into my memories. Unfortunately, I can only summarize my reflection of those great memories and emotions of you with some lyrics from a Faith Hill song:

"When I think back on these times

And the dreams we left behind

I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life

When I look back on these days

I'll look and see your face

You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soaring by the sky

In my heart there'll always be a place for you

For all my life

I'll keep a part of you with me

And everywhere I am there you'll be

Well you showed me how it feels

To feel the sky within my reach

And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me."

Well, now that you have made it this far, then you have endured my saturated memories, comparisons to heroes who may normally go unnoticed, corny compliments, and awkward music references. For that, I congratulate you. Now, I will conclude with some final thoughts. Yes, I have not used the word "love" for a multitude of reasons, especially if you do not harbor any such feeling towards me. However, I do want to say that I "love" things about you from your smile, attitude, candor, perseverance, selflessness, work ethic, and leadership. If all women could be like you, the world would almost be perfect. Above all though, you are my hero. Out of every emotion I could mention, the strongest emotion I have for you is respect. You have inspired me in ways that I cannot explain despite my most fervent attempts. In fact, I think you could say this entire essay played more like a gushy fan letter, but I hope you see it for what I intended it to be, a thank you letter. I have no regrets in writing this except for the fact of how long it would take for me to tell you this in person and the fact that I may never understand your honest thoughts or opinions of me as a person. Not knowing your thoughts of me will probably be the one mystery I will have to endure. I would rather write this and fail to get my full point across rather than miss the moment due to the fear of failure. Personally, I do regret not being able to know you earlier because it feels like I missed out on part of a very unique story. I wish you the best of luck towards your future endeavors. I hope that you seize the moment every time opportunity knocks for you.I swear, this is my final quote from another hero of mine because it encouraged my write this:

"Rule number one, life is short and it is uncertain. It’s not one or the other, it is both and because it is, then you cannot possibly miss the gift that each day is. Rule number two, pursue your passion now, do it now, do the thing you love whether it is family, work, job, hobby, or whatever it is because of rule number one."

Enjoy your final semester as the gateway to your glorious future lies directly ahead. Do not miss the moment. I am always available to help you with anything if it is needed. I live right across the freeway, so if you ever need help on anything, feedback, suggestions, pool access, or a person to share or watch movies with, it is no inconvenience for me at all because of how much I owe you and because how much I enjoy your company. Every moment with you has made feel as if I am getting closer to becoming the person I want to be one day. Hopefully, we can keep in touch. I will leave my contact information if you want to keep in touch. Rock on, Superwoman! All I ask is for the permission to continue regular correspondence with you because of your great value to me as a friend and more. Hopefully, we can talk sometime soon, go for a run, grab some tea, see a movie, or just hang out. As a friend, I would definitely like to show you around some of the great places around here that you may have not visited yet. As anything more to you, I will not let you down if called upon. Thank you for everything! If you notice a little spot on the envelope, I am sealing this envelope with a tear because I feel that tears are the only way to signify gratitude towards another person after one journey ends and another begins, but believe me, these tears that I shed as I think about my time with you are tears of pure joy.

With "love", admiration, respect, and prayers,

Your group member, your Excel guru, your occasional proofreader, your professional admirer, and maybe at the very least your long-time friend,

H.

P.S. If you are ever nervous about your future, your path in life, or anything, keep your faith in God and believe in yourself. If you ever feel that no one believes in you, then look back on this letter and remember that at least one person in your academic career did believe in you and always will.

I couldn't get through all of it, admittedly, as it's far too long. I read about half-way and skimmed the rest. Less is more, in this case. But I am confused about the purpose of your letter, OP. Are you trying to confess your love? Bid her well in the future? It sounds like a good-bye letter.

I am also confused about the true nature of your relationship to her. This is a classmate, yes? Were you friends outside class? Had you ever gone on a a date? What were the big hints she made about getting married? I ask because I am not clear if she was speaking about being married to you or if you misinterpreted general musings about her hopes for her future.

I would be concerned if I received this from a classmate, OP. I am going to be honest. As you know, this confessional comes across as obsessive and it would make me uncomfortable. It sounds like you have never actually even dated her, but you've imagined her to be some other-worldly being. You are getting carried away with a fantasy, in other words. But what did she mean when she said she failed?

I would be concerned too. Lol. That is why I did not want to give it in the first place. I told her the morning I gave it to her that I had feelings for her and she seemed happy. Then, I apparently did something to make her mad, so I gave her this. I wanted to say that I think the world of her and if she did not feel the same, then I would still be around for her as a friend.

I assumed we were at least friends and she said that. She also started looking for apartments together and talked about having kids...we did not even date! She was trying to get me to introduce her to my family and she wanted me to meet hers. She said we are going to be together forever. I do not even know how we got that far without even dating! So, I hoped this part showed my intentions:

I cannot help, but admit that there were so many times during this last semester where thoughts of you raced through my mind. In fact, I admit that I may have held a crush on you, still have one and probably always will, but I thought making that known to you would have negatively impacted our group project. In fact, I would be lying if I said that I did not fantasize and possibly still fantasize about us going out, developing a relationship, embracing each other on the day of graduation, and possibly being together. In fact, part of me will always hope that if you were to be single, that I could be there on your wing. In fact, as a side note, some people always thought there was something marginally romantic between us during the Chinese film class and they would mention it to me frequently, but I would keep this thought in the back of my mind "If only I could be so lucky."

And yes, oh boy, the pedestal is ridiculous that I put her on. Wow, it was bad. Outside of class we did hang out, but the caveat was that is over homework and things of that nature.

Here is what she emailed back:

Dear _____,

I had a chance to read your letter over the weekend. You write with elegance and you expressed yourself like a true gentleman.

Before I share anything else, I would like to express sincere apologies for misleading you with my attitudes. You are an incredible person, smart, and respectable. Reading this letter and after knowing you, I am convinced that you will make an excellent partner for the person God has created you for. My intention was never to toy with your emotions, if I ever gave that impression, I am truly sorry.

One of my hopes is that God will use, even my failures, to bless those around me. To hear that our time together has encouraged you to pursue your dreams truly makes me smile. To hear that our time together has brought you closer to God, now that, brings tears of joy to my eyes. I know without a doubt that Jesus has been making an impression on you through me. He has given you a chance to see me through his eyes and undoubtedly speak to how he sees you. In other words I am not as fantastic as you think! I, like you and all of us, am a sinner unworthy of his love, but I am renewed and forgiven every day. I am only as beautiful as you see me because I wear the scarlet gown made from the blood of Christ.

That is good that God has encouraged you to pursue your dreams. There is nothing more incredible than a life of purpose. However, I challenge you to let your dreams go. Crazy, but yes! Set your dreams free and let Jesus guide your heart and I promise that you will not be disappointed and incredible things will happen in your life. It did in mine.

I thank God for being able to meet you. I pray that God will continue to mold you into the person he wants you to be and in His time, not yours, he introduces you to the one woman he has made for you. I also pray that you hear is knock on the door of your soul and, with joy, you let him in!

Thank you for sharing yourself. I am so excited for what God will accomplish in and through you.

Wishing you the best.

P.S. See you tonight!

How old are you both, if I may ask?

It is very strange that she spoke about looking for apartment and getting married and having children when you two had never even been on a date - unless she is very young and naive, and not experienced with dating. Putting the cart before the horse like that is never really a good sign, but could be understood if she's still young and hasn't really got out in the real world yet.

In any case, it is clear she doesn't share your romantic feelings. She is trying to be kind and not lead you on with the response she gave you.

How old are you both, if I may ask?

 

It is very strange that she spoke about looking for apartment and getting married and having children when you two had never even been on a date - unless she is very young and naive, and not experienced with dating. Putting the cart before the horse like that is never really a good sign, but could be understood if she's still young and hasn't really got out in the real world yet.

 

In any case, it is clear she doesn't share your romantic feelings. She is trying to be kind and not lead you on with the response she gave you.

Okay, prepare to laugh, we are both 25 and have never dated anyone. Yeah, we are pretty inexperienced. I held off asking her out because something seemed...off. it is never that easy. She was talking about us taking a couple's skydiving course. And everything is "we" and "us." Finally, I mentioned going to my buddy's bachelor party and she was mad because "we did not talk about it."

But here is the kicker, after I got her email and saw her in-person, she was leaning on me, flirting like crazy with me, and saying her grandma wants her to get a boyfriend. I just ignored it. Are you as confused as me when I say that?

Here is a question I have: Did you get the impression that if she liked me, my letter made it clear I would return her feelings? I mean, as obsessive as it was.

Okay, prepare to laugh, we are both 25 and have never dated anyone. Yeah, we are pretty inexperienced. I held off asking her out because something seemed...off. it is never that easy. She was talking about us taking a couple's skydiving course. And everything is "we" and "us." Finally, I mentioned going to my buddy's bachelor party and she was mad because "we did not talk about it."

 

But here is the kicker, after I got her email and saw her in-person, she was leaning on me, flirting like crazy with me, and saying her grandma wants her to get a boyfriend. I just ignored it. Are you as confused as me when I say that?

 

Here is a question I have: Did you get the impression that if she liked me, my letter made it clear I would return her feelings? I mean, as obsessive as it was.

Well, yeah, that's blatantly obvious.

Well, yeah, that's blatantly obvious.

Phew...

That makes her rejection clearer. I did not want her to think that I did not want her or desire her. As long as that is known...wihtout a restraining order...then I am cool.

I just do not want her to think I was not willing to try build a relationship with her, but if she does not want that, then I understand. I do not want a confession letter to be confused with a rejection letter.

Why don't you just ask her out on a date??

Why don't you just ask her out on a date??

Because that would apparently make sense. Well, we were in an internship and we are not allowed to date by policy and if things did not work, then I did not want the awkwardness for the last semester. So, in my idiocy, I thought a giant letter was apparently more appropriate.

I asked her about going to an amusement park and she giggled at that. I asked her about seeing a movie and she said we could not talk. Then she got mad at me and would not look or talk to me all day, so I gave her this as she left.

Way too much. I felt completely awkward reading a quarter of that letter and gave up.

Sounds like she's feeling the same and friendzoned you.

Way too much. I felt completely awkward reading a quarter of that letter and gave up.

 

Sounds like she's feeling the same and friendzoned you.

That was my feeling. That night after she read it, she grabbed my arm and said she was looking for a boyfriend. She kept looking me from top to bottom and brushing against me all night.

I'm sorry, but was her email a rejection? That is how I took it.

That was my feeling. That night after she read it, she grabbed my arm and said she was looking for a boyfriend. She kept looking me from top to bottom and brushing against me all night.

 

I'm sorry, but was her email a rejection? That is how I took it.

Yes, it was.

Yes, it was.

Thank you. Call me crazy, but if she was playing hard to get, I think that letter made it clear that it was no longer necessary. I mean, even if what I wrote was confusing in purpose, I left enough nonverbal cues in the form of the paper trinkets and cologne scent to make it clear that it was along the lines of a love letter.

And as for rejecting and rubbing against me, is there not a thing called "no means no" and me asking her out after that email would be harassment, correct?

The sad thing is that I love her to death, but she cannot say no and expect me to chase if that was her goal. It's on her to say anything after her email. As long as she has clearly rejected me, it is known that I adore her, and that I would love to be with her, then that is enough for me to move on without regret.

I do have one complaint, yes I know my letter was long and I should have just asked her out, but do you think just saying "I appreciate your letter, but I do not see you in that way" would have been an easier rejection on her end? Stupid me had to read it a few times and post it here to confirm it was a rejection because my braincells are apparently fried.

You need to stop over-thinking details that don't matter.

She has told you she is sorry for misleading you. She said she hopes that you one day meet a great woman. That is all you need to know here. How she said it doesn't really matter; the message is still very clear - she doesn't feel the same way you do. She isn't playing hard to get.

You also need to realize that you are confusing infatuation and love. Love comes from truly knowing someone, from spending time with them, and getting to know them on a deep level. You have a huge crush on her but you have never even had a date with her. You're somehow convinced she is the be-all and end-all of love interests when you don't actually know her on that level. I understand you wear your heart on your sleeve, but that needs to be balanced with a healthy sense of reality too.

Yes, it was.

You need to stop over-thinking details that don't matter.

 

She has told you she is sorry for misleading you. She said she hopes that you one day meet a great woman. That is all you need to know here. How she said it doesn't really matter; the message is still very clear - she doesn't feel the same way you do. She isn't playing hard to get.

 

You also need to realize that you are confusing infatuation and love. Love comes from truly knowing someone, from spending time with them, and getting to know them on a deep level. You have a huge crush on her but you have never even had a date with her. You're somehow convinced she is the be-all and end-all of love interests when you don't actually know her on that level. I understand you wear your heart on your sleeve, but that needs to be balanced with a healthy sense of reality too.

I am sorry, I meant that I love her as a friend at least because I do want her to be happy with or without me. My letter is pure infatuation, no question. I also mentioned in my letter...somewhere...that I was not sure I could say it was love and that she was the one, but she was different from others. I just do not appreciate her rejecting me and then flirting with me a few hours later.

Grabbing my hand and all that a few hours after a rejection is misleading, correct? Rubbing against me like I was a cat toy did not help either. I'm just saying that I am confused because the actions don't match the words, do you know what I mean? I'm not trying to say she is mean, but her behavior confused me after the rejection. That is why I had an impression that there is some playfulness, but I put physical distance between me and her when she did that stuff and she kept following me around.

MissCanuck, I hope I am not sounding rude or anything. If I am I apologize. I am just confused. I understand she rejected me, but I do not understand her actions after. That is it. Should I walk away from the friendship or not? I mean, I want to honor that, but I do not know if her behavior is just friendly or something else and it is confusing me and I feel like a creep being around her.

Yes, you should walk away from this friendship.

She has a lot of maturing to do before she will be ready for a relationship. No, she shouldn't be grabbing your hand and rubbing up against you after sending that email. She likes knowing you're crazy about her, but she appears to have no desire to take it any further.

You need space for yourself now.

Yes, it was.

Yes, you should walk away from this friendship.

 

She has a lot of maturing to do before she will be ready for a relationship. No, she shouldn't be grabbing your hand and rubbing up against you after sending that email. She likes knowing you're crazy about her, but she appears to have no desire to take it any further.

 

You need space for yourself now.

Right. It sucks, but I understand. As long as I did the right thing and I did not try to ask her out after she gave me that email, then I am okay I guess. I just wanted to make sure that this was not a case.of her trying to get me to try harder...lol...if that was even possible.

This is what I wrote back to her email before seeing her that day:

Dear ----,

You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Whether you liked me or not, I enjoyed every moment with you as a classmate. Your kindness to others is a true gift. I just wanted to confide my high feelings for you rather than let them rot away into oblivion. I tried to decipher your feelings towards me over the semester, but I should have just asked you myself. I grappled with giving you that letter because I was afraid that I would scare you off by telling you I liked you. You are the first person that I have ever expressed my true feelings to and I appreciate your professionalism regarding my letter. As I said, I wish there were more people like you, so guys like me would guaranteed to find someone as special as you.

That being said, I hope we can stay in contact for the years to come. If I could cherish anything, it would be an ongoing friendship, but I understand that if you are in a relationship, then that may be an impossibility. In fact, I would like to apologize if my letter caused any friction in any relationship you may be in. You are a good person and I mean it! If you ever need anything from help, to a friendship, a person to talk to, or anything else, never hesitate to give me a call!

I sent her this after her episode of flirting with me:

I would like to apologize for my conduct. I felt really awkward after giving you that letter. I felt weird after that and I did not want my presence to be a bother so I put some distance between us out of respect for you. I would never try to force you into a relationship.

Well, thank you for your friendship offer. As I said, never hesitate to give me a call if you need anything.

She sent me this:

Once again, I am flattered by your words. In reference to your last email, I have always been old-fashioned thus I refrain from cultivating friendships with men out of respect for my future husband. My hope is that this does not discourage you from sharing yourself with others.

May God bless you in the journey we call life.

Now that you have said your piece, you need to leave her be, OP.

No more emails, no more hangouts. She is turning down your offer of friendship too, so you would be wise to take hint and stop contacting her.

Yeah. It is sad because I thought we had a great friendship before. Do you think there ever was a real friendship or I just scared her away?

Anyway, MissCanuck, thank you for your responses. I appreciate them. If you have any parting words of wisdom, I would be grateful.

It's hard to say if this was a real friendship.

Did you spend any time alone together?

4 hours one-on-one in-person a week for six months talking about family, hopes, dreams, secrets, etc. Another 16 hours a week shoulder-to-shouldder in class. Pair this with 8 hours a week around each other in close proximity for 1.5 years. A further 2 hours one on one through Skype per week. Finally, talked everyday by text.

It sounds like she is rather religious and may only interact with men if they are going to be marriage partners, therefore isn't interested in random flirting with you. Or she's just not that into you and keeps trying to tell you that diplomatically. Stop badgering her with these dissertations and manifestos.

They are likely to not only push her away, but she clearly is showing them to her religious people/advisers and friends/family and it's causing problems for her to tell you "no" without creating the dilemma of being "mean" but trying not to string you along.

By now she's reading these thinking, "ugh, what do I say now without hurting his feelings, but getting him to leave me alone" Don't be that guy..

Once again, I am flattered by your words. In reference to your last email, I have always been old-fashioned thus I refrain from cultivating friendships with men out of respect for my future husband. My hope is that this does not discourage you from sharing yourself with others.May God bless you in the journey we call life.

It sounds like she is rather religious and may only interact with men if they are going to be marriage partners, therefore isn't interested in random flirting with you. Or she's just not that into you and keeps trying to tell you that diplomatically. Stop badgering her with these dissertations and manifestos.

 

They are likely to not only push her away, but she clearly is showing them to her religious people/advisers and friends/family and it's causing problems for her to tell you "no" without creating the dilemma of being "mean" but trying not to string you along.

 

By now she's reading these thinking, "ugh, what do I say now without hurting his feelings, but getting him to leave me alone" Don't be that guy..

That was my thought. After she sent me her email the first time, the rejection, she was rubbing against me, leaning on me, trying to grab my hand, and a few other flirty things. Could she just be a tease? I have never seen her flirt like that in my entire time of knowing her. She flirted with one of my friends and he told me she told him she was doing it to make me jealous.

Most women do not play mind games like this, right? If so, I think I might prefer trying to stay single.

That was my thought. After she sent me her email the first time, the rejection, she was rubbing against me, leaning on me, trying to grab my hand, and a few other flirty things. Could she just be a tease? I have never seen her flirt like that in my entire time of knowing her. She flirted with one of my friends and he told me she told him she was doing it to make me jealous.

 

Most women do not play mind games like this, right? If so, I think I might prefer trying to stay single.

Mature women do not. Women who actually want to be with you, for the right reasons, don't behave like this.

You need to stop trying to analyze her behaviour, and instead focus on detaching and moving on.