I wrote too much...or not enough? Help.

[SherrySher]

Stop, stop, stop....have you ever heard the phrase less is more?

 

You go way, way over the top and you babble on and on. That's not good. Any person would be asleep half way through that letter and to be quite honest, it start's to sound disingenuous the more you compliment her and the more you go into thorough explanations.

 

Try to get what you're meaning out in less than a few paragraphs, like two paragraphs, otherwise you will sound silly and lose your audience.

[SherrySher]

You do seem like you've got a good heart though and don't give up. There is going to be some woman who will be lucky to have found you. It takes time to find "the one".

 

We all have faced rejection but that doesn't mean you won't have better luck next time!

[Nate2048]

You do seem like you've got a good heart though and don't give up. There is going to be some woman who will be lucky to have found you. It takes time to find "the one".

 

We all have faced rejection but that doesn't mean you won't have better luck next time!

 

Thanks. I do feel bad that I failed. The rejection is fine and I kinda saw it coming, but losing our "friendship" hurt. I wish I could have actually said goodbye in person. Instead, it ended with her sending me an email and IM.

[Nate2048]

Stop, stop, stop....have you ever heard the phrase less is more?

 

You go way, way over the top and you babble on and on. That's not good. Any person would be asleep half way through that letter and to be quite honest, it start's to sound disingenuous the more you compliment her and the more you go into thorough explanations.

 

Try to get what you're meaning out in less than a few paragraphs, like two paragraphs, otherwise you will sound silly and lose your audience.

 

Thank you. You may laugh, but this was originally about a half page or less and then I thought I did not get my point across. Oops.

 

As I said, this may sound stupid, but I made it pretty clear that I liked her as more than just a friend, right? Haha. Rejection or not, as long as she knew that and I got my feelings out, then I am happy.

[reinventmyself]

Phew. . .If I was a woman that received a letter like that I would be overwhelmed.

If there was any chance I might be interested, I would start to back peddle.

 

Your words are thoughtful and generous. So much so I don't think I could ever live up to the pedestal you put me on.

 

In the future dial back the intensity, ask her out for coffee and take baby steps.

 

The result of that you would have had the opportunity to gauge her responses and could have navigated it in such a way that it would have salvaged a friendship.

 

I can't explain why she was giving you mixed messages after the letter. All I know is when someone gives you mixed signals it typically translates into a - no go - situation.

 

When someone is interested, it's typically a straight line and you know it.

[Nate2048]

Phew. . .If I was a woman that received a letter like that I would be overwhelmed.

If there was any chance I might be interested, I would start to back peddle.

 

Your words are thoughtful and generous. So much so I don't think I could ever live up to the pedestal you put me on.

 

In the future dial back the intensity, ask her out for coffee and take baby steps.

 

The result of that you would have had the opportunity to gauge her responses and could have navigated it in such a way that it would have salvaged a friendship.

 

I can't explain why she was giving you mixed messages after the letter. All I know is when someone gives you mixed signals it typically translates into a - no go - situation.

 

When someone is interested, it's typically a straight line and you know it.

 

I am a bit of a bozo. English is not her first language and I wrote a letter. If she was as into me as I thought, don't you think she would give me a nudge and say "We should do something together sometime", so I could ask her out? Her mixed signals were nuts. One day she talks about our future, the next she is not talking at all, the next she is jealous when a girl asks me the answer to a question in class, and then the next she is mad when I ask a girl in our group a question and she storms out angry at me.

[reinventmyself]

I am a bit of a bozo. English is not her first language and I wrote a letter. If she was as into me as I thought, don't you think she would give me a nudge and say "We should do something together sometime", so I could ask her out? Her mixed signals were nuts. One day she talks about our future, the next she is not talking at all, the next she is jealous when a girl asks me the answer to a question in class, and then the next she is mad when I ask a girl in our group a question and she storms out angry at me.

 

How she feels about you is somewhat confusing.

But what is clear is that she is immature and playing games.

[MissCanuck]

She is completely immature, OP.

 

She loves the attention you give her, hence her childish tantrums when any other girl is around you. But you need to keep in mind it's because of her ego, not because of love for you. I don't say that to be unkind, as I am sure you're a perfectly lovable guy. However, a girl who plays this many games and is this juvenile is ego-driven and not to be taken seriously.

[Nate2048]

She is completely immature, OP.

 

She loves the attention you give her, hence her childish tantrums when any other girl is around you. But you need to keep in mind it's because of her ego, not because of love for you. I don't say that to be unkind, as I am sure you're a perfectly lovable guy. However, a girl who plays this many games and is this juvenile is ego-driven and not to be taken seriously.

 

So she kinda faked having feelings to get attention? Well, it makes sense. I knew it felt too good to be true. Why would she put in all of the effort though? I would given her attention if she wanted it, but she did not have to fake flirt with me to get it.

[SherrySher]

That's how some women can be..(SOME WOMEN)...not all. Some women love drama and love attention, and they don't care who they get it from, as long as it's male.

Does it mean she likes you?

Nope, she won't care who it is as long as it's a male and wants her.

It drives her ego but then she will stick her nose in the air and pretend she's too good for you, (cause only her god given husband will be good enough...sigh).

But she will still use you for attention.

 

She needs to be humbled.

Right now she's an a-hole and you don't need someone like that, not even as a friend.

[Nate2048]

That's how some women can be..(SOME WOMEN)...not all. Some women love drama and love attention, and they don't care who they get it from, as long as it's male.

Does it mean she likes you?

Nope, she won't care who it is as long as it's a male and wants her.

It drives her ego but then she will stick her nose in the air and pretend she's too good for you, (cause only her god given husband will be good enough...sigh).

But she will still use you for attention.

 

She needs to be humbled.

Right now she's an a-hole and you don't need someone like that, not even as a friend.

 

You literally said everything I wanted to vent in front if her! Lol.

 

It felt like a slight to me when she said I will find the one God has made for me in His time. I'm sorry, but if you want someone to move on, would you not say something like there are plenty of people that would love to be with you or something that does not promote onitis? Or heck, tell them to follow their dreams? Instead, she said I needed to let those go too.

 

All of this and everyone says that she would never be this mean. Yet, I show emails to our mutual friends when they ask and they see her email address and they say it is not true!

[SherrySher]

You're better off without her, Nate. Save your love and sweet compliments for a nice woman and a decent one who will appreciate you and love you.

 

Don't waste it on this phoney baloney. She's good at pretending she's nice but meanwhile her head is too far up her own behind.

[MissCanuck]

You are learning an important life lesson in the midst of all this, OP - people often do not behave how we think they should.

 

When we people show us who they are, we need to believe them. She is showing you she's not that great. Believe it.

[Nate2048]

You are learning an important life lesson in the midst of all this, OP - people often do not behave how we think they should.

 

When we people show us who they are, we need to believe them. She is showing you she's not that great. Believe it.

 

Right. It's a shame. It is hard to reconcile because outside of the gameplaying, I felt she was genuinely sweet.

 

Is it bad that I did not say "I love you" before even dating? I think my regret is not saying that, but my letter kinda inferred that, right? Yes, I know it seems more like infatuation, but I really wish I said "I love you" just to get it off of my chest and because I truly wish her the best with or without me.

[MissCanuck]

Right. It's a shame. It is hard to reconcile because outside of the gameplaying, I felt she was genuinely sweet.

 

Is it bad that I did not say "I love you" before even dating? I think my regret is not saying that, but my letter kinda inferred that, right? Yes, I know it seems more like infatuation, but I really wish I said "I love you" just to get it off of my chest and because I truly wish her the best with or without me.

 

No, quite the opposite - it would have been crazy to tell her you love her when you haven't even dated her.

[Nate2048]

You're better off without her, Nate. Save your love and sweet compliments for a nice woman and a decent one who will appreciate you and love you.

 

Don't waste it on this phoney baloney. She's good at pretending she's nice but meanwhile her head is too far up her own behind.

 

I know. It is just sad that I thought O developed a great in-person connection with someone and she could not even say goodbye to me face to face. Meanwhile, our mutual friends say I am the one being unreasonable and that she would never do what she did.

 

I feel this big emptiness without her. It's crazy because I thought she was at least my best friend with how we talked and treated each other. Would someone really curb a friend as thoughtlessly? I mean, an email? Not even a hug goodbye and a wish of good luck when she saw me in-person.

[MissCanuck]

I know. It is just sad that I thought O developed a great in-person connection with someone and she could not even say goodbye to me face to face. Meanwhile, our mutual friends say I am the one being unreasonable and that she would never do what she did.

 

I feel this big emptiness without her. It's crazy because I thought she was at least my best friend with how we talked and treated each other. Would someone really curb a friend as thoughtlessly? I mean, an email? Not even a hug goodbye and a wish of good luck when she saw me in-person.

 

Yes, some people are like that.

 

It's not pleasant but there also isn't anything you can do about it, really.

[Nate2048]

Hi,

 

I'm trying to find the appropriate place for this. I had a female friend that I have known for awhile and fell in love with. I assumed she felt the same because she was making some big hints about us being a couple and getting married. She kept talking to me about her biological clock and looking for apartments. It happened really fast. Needless to say, I was impulsive, wrote a LONG OBSESSIVE and CRAZY letter. Yeah, it sounds like borderline psychopath, but I let infatuation do the talking and wrote something extremely obsessive. I gave it to her in an envelope with some little handmade paper trinkets and a spray of my cologne. However, she did not run away, but she acted sad and said she failed. Yes, strange. I will never do this again for sure. Does my letter seem like a breakup letter or something other than a confession of feelings? Does it sound like I would do anything for her and that I saw her as more than a friend? Does it sound like I wanted a relationship with her? I know this sounds desperate and it was,

but I want to make sure that those points came across. (Please read it all...I know it is way too long and over the top).

 

(Also, I say we were classmates, but we were more than just that because we were talking to each other almost everyday outside of school and skyping at night.)

 

 

Dear K,

 

It has been an honor to work with you over this past semester and to be a classmate with you over the past year. To be honest, my graduation is bittersweet as I will see less of you as our academic paths divert. When you first arrived with your cohort last year, my initial thought was "This woman is so professional, but maybe too professional." Spending time with you in our film class over last summer, I thought "Wow, she is such a sweet, gentle, and special person." After getting to know you over the course of this semester, I have realized what kind of person you are. I have a lot of heroes, but I honestly think you are the one that has influenced me the most as a peer, Superwoman. You are my hero because of how you are able to work as hard as you do, meet group demands, and still manage to show up to class the next day with a smile on your face. My most captivating memory of you that imprinted yourself upon my heart was during a routine team meeting for our internship program. You came in to class that morning and you sounded like you had a sore throat and a serious cold. During that entire class and meeting, you did not utter a single complaint and you recorded our meeting minutes despite the discomfort you may have had. Soon after, I read your biography and I felt captivated by the person that you are. It was apparent that you were someone that lived for others with a strong servant's heart, that you were a caring soul, that you were humble, and that you were a motivator. About a month later, you had another cold and you further confirmed some thoughts I had about you. Again, you did not complain, you kept meeting minutes, made an agenda, and tried your best to sit through two classes. I swear, I wanted to hug you, take you to your house, and get you whatever you needed while you rested, but the remarkable thing about you is how self-reliant and tough you are. I have seen you faced with stressful situation, but I have never seen you falter. It is said that pressure can turn coal into diamonds, but I never saw pressure turn you into dust. As I texted to you that day:

 

"It is the days like today that confirm why I think so highly of you. Despite being sick, you worked on a project, attended class, made an agenda, and kept minutes. You are an awesome person."

 

Now, why did I feel compelled to write this? As you know, I am not a person of many words. You are like an iceberg because the person that I had the privilege of working alongside was undoubtedly only a small chunk of who you really are. You are like an unfinished book because the chapters I have seen are impressive, but what comes next will surely be more impressive. You are the type of person that books are written about, that movie scripts headline with a star actress, and that ultimately make a difference in world while inspiring others. I was one of those people that you inspired. As you and I once talked about, the blank canvas of your life is starting to look like a work of art comparable to Michelangelo's work in the Sistine Chapel. That smile and cheerful attitude of yours made every day of class worthwhile and always made my entire day feel special. I always wanted to help you in any way I could despite my limited skillset. I would be holding back if I did not mention your beauty. While your soul is beautiful, so is your appearance. I have honestly never seen someone make glasses look so pretty while maintaining a grace comparable to Kate Middleton. Your smile could radiate through a cement wall and bring warmth and joy to everyone in range. In my imagination, I also assume that you would look beautiful in a ballroom gown with your undying elegance. In any case, I felt that I needed to put these feelings to paper in order to share these emotions. There were times, too many to count, during this semester where I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be in a group with you. On a few occasions, you asked me to proofread some of your work and I felt honored that someone as smart as you would ask a lowly person like me to suggest corrections to your work, but I also would be lying if I did not think that you were trying to show off marginally. At times, you would seem to act insecure about your writing, but in my opinion, your insecurity seemed like it was a byproduct of your modesty because of how much effort you put into your writing. I felt even more honored to sit by you and be able to experience your fantastic personality up close. Whether it was your morning cheerfulness or you doing something as caring as washing the dishes after a classmate's study session at his home, you never ceased to amaze me. Additionally, I was puzzled as to why such a nice and charismatic individual would even want to sit right next to me which is what happened at the beginning of our last semester. Whether it was in our marketing class, talking about dieting, or talking about films, I enjoyed every moment with you as a classmate despite the appearance of my suppressed emotional state. Trust me, I was grinning on the inside and it made every long and tiring morning worthwhile. At other times, I felt that I may have been an intrusive presence. Honestly, there were times that I felt guilty and that I may have inadvertently alienated such a good person. Personally, I always wanted to compliment you, but I felt that those comments sometimes came out as odd, creepy, or misplaced. At times, I felt like my attempted compliments may have made you uncomfortable because I felt like there were days in which you were afraid of me or would hope that I disappeared. If I ever did make you uncomfortable, I apologize. You taught me a lot about faith in God and guiding our paths in your own beautiful words. After all, I guess it might have been God's way by guiding me into this business program in order for me to meet someone like you. I mean, what are the odds that someone who grew up with a near genius IQ would be in class with this average guy just finishing school as a stepping stone towards pursuing future passions? The odds were stacked against me experiencing such an event whether I realized it or not.

 

I tried my best to hold in my emotions, but I feel that ultimately failed in the end. Why? I failed because of your true candor and generosity. Some messages we have exchanged over Google Hangouts are permanently engraved into my mind. You never tried to take credit and you would often thank God for successes in your life. However, we both know hard you have worked and fought to become the person that you are. As a result, my soul itself would be conflicted and I would find myself dumbstruck by your beautiful words. These emotions would consume me and I would think for hours about your words even if you wrote only few short sentences. Whenever I had the chance, I wanted to make sure that I voiced my opinions of you. You are a truly amazing woman. There were times when I wanted to ask you out on a date, but I ultimately felt that such words would be distracting between our group project and your internship, so I did not wish levy that burden on you. Not only that, if you did not harbor the best emotions towards me, I did not want to generate that discomfort. I even thought that uttering such a query would inappropriate because you are something much larger than that to me because of everything I have learned about you. As a kid, I had many heroes, but I see you as one of mine as a peer. There is a verse from poem that can summarize some of my feelings about this:

You can fool the whole world down the highway of years and take pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartbreak and tears if you cheated the man in the glass.

 

When I read that poem, I used to think of myself as the man looking into the glass and seeing disappointment, but after talking with you on a few occasions I felt as if I would peer into that mirror one day and see what I wanted. You have told me some things that I never thought I would ever hear another individual utter in my direction. Your kindness as a female managed melt the ice around my heart and exposed cracks in my armor as that facade of the emotionless person I would try to portray slowly withered away. Whether you were just being nice, you had kind thoughts towards me, or you thought me as anything else, you made me look deep into myself and try to define who I am, but I think my definition may still not be known.

 

I want to acknowledge how I will view you in the future. Your future is as bright as a thousand suns. Whether your yellow-brick road takes you through the military or to parts unknown, I hope to see how that path pans out. I hope you do not forget about the little people like me as your path will undoubtedly bring about hundreds of new faces, but I can say for sure that I will NEVER forget you. Whether I am looking down on your beautiful path while nestled high above, or I am working side-by-side with you on the ground, if you call upon me, I will be there for you if needed. As a friend, as an Excel guru, as a workout buddy or running buddy, as a proofreader, as anything, as a person to call to make the boredom of slow traffic pass by, you can count on my assistance because it is the least I can do after the wonderful memories you have given me over this last year in our program. As for myself, you already know about where I hope to start my path, but I still think of the lingering question that you gave me on that Friday in March "Where do you see yourself eventually?" I want to pursue my dream that we discussed, but I don't know and as for the people that I hope to share that future life with, I do not know where that path will lead either, but I do know that I would not mind having someone close to share my passion with, whether it's a child on my knee, or someone who just wants to travel with me exploring every facet of this beautiful country. I am not one to comment on love as I would not know it, but I will say that you have shaped my expectations. You are truly one in a million and if you do not realize that now, then you will realize that in hundreds of faces that you encounter as they gaze upon you in the future. On that note you also mentioned on that Friday morning "Hopefully our paths cross again." I hope for that as well. In fact, as a our favorite singer once sang:

 

"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high

There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream,

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops,

High above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?"

 

I hope that I may see you at the other end of that rainbow one day if our paths diverge from here because my future memories will include a lot of looking back at the time I spent with you. I cannot help, but admit that there were so many times during this last semester where thoughts of you raced through my mind. In fact, I admit that I may have held a crush on you, still have one and probably always will, but I thought making that known to you would have negatively impacted our group project. In fact, I would be lying if I said that I did not fantasize and possibly still fantasize about us going out, developing a relationship, embracing each other on the day of graduation, and possibly being together. In fact, part of me will always hope that if you were to be single, that I could be there on your wing. In fact, as a side note, some people always thought there was something marginally romantic between us during the Chinese film class and they would mention it to me frequently, but I would keep this thought in the back of my mind "If only I could be so lucky." I remember another time in Project Management where I missed a question and you briefly put your hand on top of mine and said "It's alright." However, I noticed in the past months as a change in the attitude between us. At first, I thought you were mad at me as there were days that seemed as if you wanted to ignore me. On other days, it seemed like I had upset you, but you would still sit in proximity to me despite the silence. Then, I noticed some things as we had a beautiful talk on our final full session of our leadership class. I remember talking about future dreams and passion, I remember you and I both finding love in "Over the Rainbow" , but also I remember when we saw eye-to-eye on pursuing our passions rather than letting them pass by. First, you were sharing your dreams passionately; you still thought that I was being too nice with my comments, and that you want comfort in life. Second, your body language gave an interesting story as I could tell you were engaged in the conversation, you were attentive, you were blushing at times, and that you had somehow become a little more nervous or shy around me. I do not know whether your nervousness was the result of discomfort, uncertainty, or the possibility of feelings towards me, but it followed a pattern of your quick glances, sharp dressing, and even times of disbelief. If by some small chance you were nervous because of a crush on me, I am flattered and in which case, if I have not already told you in person, I would and will always welcome your feelings with open arms as you did with so many of mine. I want to assure you that you never need to be nervous as long as you speak the truth and you should never worry about what others think of you. In fact, I remember that the following Tuesday, I offered to help you finish a project for class. I did not originally anticipate spending too much time on that project, but something felt right about being there with you, so I stayed and I enjoyed every minute of it. You seemed stressed that day and I finally overcame my fears and put my arm around your shoulder to reassure you and the slight grin that I caught in the corner of your mouth sent me home a happy person. On the day of our presentation, we shared another hug and for me, it felt as if I had finally experienced something I had long missed out on when I finally got to put my arms around you and see you happy and relaxed. You are a great person to know and an even greater person to understand. I have heard you say that you have felt insecure about things like your car, independence and finance, and even about how chaotic your work- life balance is. None of those items define you, if someone is as shallow as to look past your accomplishments and your work ethic just to judge you on material possessions, then that person is a fool. We all start from somewhere, we all have insecurities, and the ways that we overcome those insecurities are what will ultimately define us. Hopefully, whether you have a boyfriend or not when you read this, I hope that he can adequately describe to you in person what I am putting on paper when I describe the hope and cheer that you have engraved into my memories. Unfortunately, I can only summarize my reflection of those great memories and emotions of you with some lyrics from a Faith Hill song:

 

"When I think back on these times

And the dreams we left behind

I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life

When I look back on these days

I'll look and see your face

You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soaring by the sky

In my heart there'll always be a place for you

For all my life

I'll keep a part of you with me

And everywhere I am there you'll be

Well you showed me how it feels

To feel the sky within my reach

And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me."

 

Well, now that you have made it this far, then you have endured my saturated memories, comparisons to heroes who may normally go unnoticed, corny compliments, and awkward music references. For that, I congratulate you. Now, I will conclude with some final thoughts. Yes, I have not used the word "love" for a multitude of reasons, especially if you do not harbor any such feeling towards me. However, I do want to say that I "love" things about you from your smile, attitude, candor, perseverance, selflessness, work ethic, and leadership. If all women could be like you, the world would almost be perfect. Above all though, you are my hero. Out of every emotion I could mention, the strongest emotion I have for you is respect. You have inspired me in ways that I cannot explain despite my most fervent attempts. In fact, I think you could say this entire essay played more like a gushy fan letter, but I hope you see it for what I intended it to be, a thank you letter. I have no regrets in writing this except for the fact of how long it would take for me to tell you this in person and the fact that I may never understand your honest thoughts or opinions of me as a person. Not knowing your thoughts of me will probably be the one mystery I will have to endure. I would rather write this and fail to get my full point across rather than miss the moment due to the fear of failure. Personally, I do regret not being able to know you earlier because it feels like I missed out on part of a very unique story. I wish you the best of luck towards your future endeavors. I hope that you seize the moment every time opportunity knocks for you.I swear, this is my final quote from another hero of mine because it encouraged my write this:

 

"Rule number one, life is short and it is uncertain. It’s not one or the other, it is both and because it is, then you cannot possibly miss the gift that each day is. Rule number two, pursue your passion now, do it now, do the thing you love whether it is family, work, job, hobby, or whatever it is because of rule number one."

 

Enjoy your final semester as the gateway to your glorious future lies directly ahead. Do not miss the moment. I am always available to help you with anything if it is needed. I live right across the freeway, so if you ever need help on anything, feedback, suggestions, pool access, or a person to share or watch movies with, it is no inconvenience for me at all because of how much I owe you and because how much I enjoy your company. Every moment with you has made feel as if I am getting closer to becoming the person I want to be one day. Hopefully, we can keep in touch. I will leave my contact information if you want to keep in touch. Rock on, Superwoman! All I ask is for the permission to continue regular correspondence with you because of your great value to me as a friend and more. Hopefully, we can talk sometime soon, go for a run, grab some tea, see a movie, or just hang out. As a friend, I would definitely like to show you around some of the great places around here that you may have not visited yet. As anything more to you, I will not let you down if called upon. Thank you for everything! If you notice a little spot on the envelope, I am sealing this envelope with a tear because I feel that tears are the only way to signify gratitude towards another person after one journey ends and another begins, but believe me, these tears that I shed as I think about my time with you are tears of pure joy.

 

With "love", admiration, respect, and prayers,

 

Your group member, your Excel guru, your occasional proofreader, your professional admirer, and maybe at the very least your long-time friend,

 

 

H.

 

 

P.S. If you are ever nervous about your future, your path in life, or anything, keep your faith in God and believe in yourself. If you ever feel that no one believes in you, then look back on this letter and remember that at least one person in your academic career did believe in you and always will.

 

 

 

As long as this essay to her shows that I was not friendzoning her or saying that I will not see her again, then we are cool. I cannot change or influence her feelings. They are what they are. I can only ensure that what I said was clear.

[MissCanuck]

As long as this essay to her shows that I was not friendzoning her or saying that I will not see her again, then we are cool. I cannot change or influence her feelings. They are what they are. I can only ensure that what I said was clear.

 

She knows you were not friend-zoning her. Believe me, the entire letter makes it blatantly obvious you want to be more than her friend. It is also more than clear you want to see her.

 

OP, you have to stop this bargaining with yourself - you're trying to blame yourself in some way for her not reciprocating your interest, probably in hopes that if you do X,Y or Z now, she will want to date you. That's not the issue. She just doesn't feel the same way you do, she definitely sent some mixed signals, but she has been clear in her reply that she doesn't intend to be more than friends with you.

 

Changing the wording of your letter wouldn't have changed the bottom line.

[Nate2048]

She knows you were not friend-zoning her. Believe me, the entire letter makes it blatantly obvious you want to be more than her friend. It is also more than clear you want to see her.

 

OP, you have to stop this bargaining with yourself - you're trying to blame yourself in some way for her not reciprocating your interest, probably in hopes that if you do X,Y or Z now, she will want to date you. That's not the issue. She just doesn't feel the same way you do, she definitely sent some mixed signals, but she has been clear in her reply that she doesn't intend to be more than friends with you.

 

Changing the wording of your letter wouldn't have changed the bottom line.

 

Alright. Good. I know it sounds stupid, but I wish I just heard "Thanks, but unfortunately I do not feel the same way." Crazy, but I wish her response was as plain as that...I have a small walnut in my head...haha. Yeah, the signals were mixed which meant she did not like me. That is good then. It justifies me keeping my distance when she tried flirting again and trying to grab my hand.

 

Part of this was that English is not her first language and I thought that she might have interpreted it differently somehow. That and her father writing about his daughter experiencing emotional emptiness after the whole episode and his little quote that there are people that simply "love you" with no strings attached as he mentioned how caring and tender she is. That made me feel like I did something wrong, but I just hope it is completely unrelated. As you said, I keep blaming myself and I doubt anything shared is about me at all.