One date with a new guy

Hi all, so went on a date with a guy he's funny not really my usual type per se.. loads of friends, family etc... constantly in the mix of things... anyway transpired that he was with a women doctor for 3.5 years and recently has moved out of their shared home and into a flat which she still stays in twice a week (so still sharing). She spends a lot of time abroad as a doctor and was pressuring him for marriage, mortgage etc before having children he didn't want to proceed with a mortgage with her. He doesn't see her as the woman he will marry

He says she knows he's dating and still wants him back but he made his decision he doesn't want to marry her or now get a mortgage.. he's just a gas engineer and apparently she makes him feel lesser and that he should be doing more. Apparently it's complicated he's never met her family because she's Muslim and her religion has some complications in that regard.

Part of me is saying when you move out completely without her we can talk but he's adamant that he's really not with her. I'm not comfortable with it but again I don't know him well so we can get to know each other just maybe without the sexual stuff until he sorts it out! Which is apparently 5 months away...

Thoughts?! I know I'm thinking a bit futuristic here but I'm attracted to him, he's nice and just want to protect myself

Part of me is saying when you move out completely without her we can talk but he's adamant that he's really not with her.

You believe this? Give your head a shake. Yes I get it, you've had one date. Too soon for any conclusions on anything other than you dont enter into anything with a guy who's still living with someone else. Tell him to call you when one of them has fully moved out.

I think the situation is too complicated. He may be trying to have two girlfriends at the same time. Try to find a guy without as much baggage as this guy.

Part of me is saying when you move out completely without her we can talk but he's adamant that he's really not with her.

 

You believe this? Give your head a shake. Yes I get it, you've had one date. Too soon for any conclusions on anything other than you dont enter into anything with a guy who's still living with someone else. Tell him to call you when one of them has fully moved out.

Agree and lol at "give your head a shake" mind if I steal that line from you?

Sometimes I think I need to give my own head a shake!!

lol I agree it was a fun date but yes I had to double take when he told me they were still living together !!

Hmm.. all this personal and messy info came out on the first date? That's a red flag right there

But that aside, he'd still involved with his ex. I wouldn't proceed with this guy if my life depended on it

I'm sure you can find better...this is kind of a bottom of the barrel situation. Maybe not the bottom...but pretty far down there

Don't settle and get yourself tangled up in this mess. Keep your chin up as you continue searching :)

Ask him to contact you in 5 months once he is moved out completely and has had total closure with this woman, otherwise you're just wasting your time and could be possibly very hurt.

Wow... date one!

I'm not even focused on the fact that he still lives with her which that in itself is glaring red or the fact that hes talking about his ex on date one. But the fact that he's telling you straight up he refused to commit to her for some obscure reason. That's always a red flag to me personally. If a guy tells me about women he just couldn't commit to again for whatever reason, Im going to think Im going to have to deal with it and yeah, no thanks.

Actually now that i think about it talking about an ex on the first date take the cake.

After one date and around 90% of your post is about an ex. Guess what the majority of the rest of any time involving him will be about? Unless you thrive on drama, think you can find no one else, or like being the transition rebound until you get dumped, save time and find someone who isn't still entangled.

Thoughts?! I know I'm thinking a bit futuristic here but I'm attracted to him, he's nice and just want to protect myself

I guess that you're referring to being physically attracted to him, because the rest of him comes across as being ugly, and unbelievable.

anyway transpired that he was with a women doctor for 3.5 years and recently has moved out of their shared home and into a flat which she still stays in twice a week (so still sharing).

This particular update makes no sense. If he has moved out of their shared home, then why is he still with her? Just remember, what he's doing to this woman, he will later do to you.

Grich

 

This particular update makes no sense. If he has moved out of their shared home, then why is he still with her?

 

Yeah that didn't make sense to me either.

He moved out of their shared home into a flat which she stays at so still sharing?

I'm sorry this makes no sense, Grinch can you clarify'what you meant?

HUGE red flags already.

Stay away from him.

Also it's been ONE date, you're really jumping the gun.

She still has stuff at his house and is due to move out properly in June... July.. it's one date and thought I'd post about it.. I've definitely put the stop to our dates now I know the situation (which he didn't say prior to our date)... I do feel like second fiddle he is absolutely adamant that he's not with her and he goes out if she comes to get her stuff etc.. she's apparently out the country.. all I know is I don't care and would never feel comfortable whilst her stuff is at his house so I've just left it for the time being wait for the story to unfold... he says why would he talk to me everyday want to see me etc if he was with her. He said he's being nice about it.. for her sake as he apparently doesn't want her.. I definitely think there is more to the story and I'm not oblivious to the fact it seems red flagged! Hence why I've stopped really seeing him!

Also at first he just moved out for his work to his own flat and I think she stayed there sometimes.. and then left her stuff either way they don't have kids makes 0 sense

The fact you're still talking to him...

You can do better than this?

I think he is cheating on her with you, i could be wrong, but there are too many red flags to ignore.

I am also a former muslim do his story about her/dating/her family etc does not add up.

Update: apparently her stuff is going but I'm not invested enough to care so I said to him it's probably a good idea if he's dating