BF broke up with me due to work /life stressors, seeking advice, listening ear

BF and I have been together for a year. He broke up with me over text all of a sudden. 1 minute he was asking me out for a movie and the next minute he wanted to break up. Over the last 1 month, he has been facing alot of stress at his work, travelling (for work) and also moving house. However during this time, he never failed to make time for me. 2 weeks before the breakup, he was overseas for about 2 weeks with little contact. I admit, i was becoming a little needy and clingy due to my insecurities caused by several failed relationships and cases of being cheated on before. He was on the way back from travelling and he sent me a message saying that he was transiting at the airport (he was actually texting me in flight, not at the airport) . I caught him lying because of the inconsistency of the flight arrival time . I do not know why he lied and my thoughts started running wild. He explained it to me the next day that he was tired and just lied to everyone else (including his colleagues) about his whereabouts. I accepted his explanation then.

a couple of days later, he texted me suggesting that we should catch a movie the following week and that he can't spend the weekend with me due to work. We haven't been able to spend the weekends together for the last 3 weeks as he was away and i was looking forward to spending the weekends with him again. I was disappointed at the message and said, i hope you aren't lying about this right? I admitted to him what i felt previously and was afraid that he might have cheated. He immediately sent me screenshots of his flight itinerary to prove that it was a white lie before and what he explained to me was true. i apologized and before i know it, he sent a string of messages saying how disappointed he was, how hard he has been trying and that I don't understand how much stress he is facing then (he is so busy that it is normal to work overnight with little sleep and only having 1 meal a day). that's when he said.. let's stop seeing each other. he said he would stop dating, stop his part time job and just concentrate on his work. he said.. i just want a break from everything, i'm really tired, i'm sorry.

i apologized again and again and explained my insecurities. No replies.

he left some things he bought at my place and i left them at his doorstep a week later. After which, i noticed he unfriended me on fb. Why would he do that?

the break up was 2 weeks ago. I've been doing NC since last week.

Is this really over?

Having had a relationship where someone exercised their insecurities out on me,

I will tell you something in me just snaps.

I don't appreciate some one challenging my integrity and if it happens repeatedly I will walk.

Seeing your guy was under a lot of stress, his breaking point came quickly and by the looks of things it may very well be over.

I am sorry.

I get you've had some bad luck in relationships but you need to work on your trust issues before you get into another relationship.

i was becoming a little needy and clingy

While whatever behavior that entails likely contributed, allegations of cheating on their own are quite often the ringing of the death knell. In a position of being overburdened by many factors, he needed to trim the fat where he could, and a trustless relationship is, honestly, as good a place to start as any. I get that he told the white lie on the plane (I'm assuming to give the impression he'd be busy transiting and wouldn't be expected to text as frequently), and that sucks, but you took it and ran a few hundred miles with it.

When's the last time you were single, as in not dating anyone or looking to? It may be worth it to take some time and learn to value and be happy with yourself a bit more so that you can see yourself as a catch someone would be crazy to cheat on rather than it being an inevitability. Counseling may be called for as well if you find yourself with lingering trust issues.

needy and clingy... well i did not bombard him with texts. maybe just 1 or 2 a few day... is that... too much? i held back as much as i could because i was aware about how i felt.

my intention was not to accuse him of cheating .. i knew deep down that he would not... my message started out like this... u know what i was having really weird thoughts like there might be someone else. i wanted to be open about myself. but i never expected this reaction and i never did get to finish what i wanted to say.

i was single for more than a year before this relationship. i admit i might have flaws from extreme hurt from the last 5 to 6 relationships. and i really wanted to be open about it this time round.

Sorry to hear this, he sounds overwhelmed and as though he doesn't have the time or energy for a relationship right now. Stay no contact. Stop pleading explaining, etc. That will only make matters worse. It's normal to block/delete social media after a breakup.

he said.. i just want a break from everything, i'm really tired, i'm sorry. the break up was 2 weeks ago. I've been doing NC since last week.

btw thank you for your replies. i never knew it was wrong of me to feel the way i feel and i should have kept it to myself instead of being open and honest about it. i did not know that my flaws would ultimately hurt me and him. if only i had lived with it and kept it to myself . i really regret it.

i did send a couple of measages to explain and beg. just a couple. i stopped immediately after realizing what i was doing.

needy and clingy... well i did not bombard him with texts. maybe just 1 or 2 a few day... is that... too much? i held back as much as i could because i was aware about how i felt.

Well, how many texts are we talking? And what were you saying?

My ex was very insecure, and I too got tired of it. He had zero legitimate reason to think I might be unfaithful, yet he couldn't seem to manage his own anxiety and not question my morals. I felt disrespected by his accusations, and no longer wanted to be scrutinized like that. So it's possible that your ex was feeling the same way.

Had there previously been such trust or jealousy issues between you?

my texts were more like... where are you? aee u ignoring me? (with a sad emoticon).. only when he did not read 1 message for 12 hours. this happend only twice when he was overseas. i did not hold him to it when he replied. in fact i threw in smileys.

there were no other incidences of trust nor jealously issues. i completely trust him and vice versa which is why i confidently deicded to tell him about my inner thoughts.

needy and clingy... well i did not bombard him with texts. maybe just 1 or 2 a few day... is that... too much? i held back as much as i could because i was aware about how i felt.

 

my intention was not to accuse him of cheating .. i knew deep down that he would not... my message started out like this... u know what i was having really weird thoughts like there might be someone else.

.

i hope you aren't lying about this right? I admitted to him what i felt previously and was afraid that he might have cheated.

If you knew deep down inside he would not cheat then you should learn to keep your anxieties to yourself and learn some self soothing techniques. Trying to make him responsible for managing your insecurities when he's not responsible for causing them is a sure fire way to ruin a good thing.

Going to him for reassurance, to the point where he feels inclined to send you screen shots to prove himself is the moment you should have recognized that you pushed him too far

No one here can say what your ex is thinking or feeling.

If he was already stressed in his life whatever went on between the 2 of you may have seemed worse or stressed him out more, it seems he has a lot on his plate at the moment and maybe isn't in the right place for a girlfriend. He may have blocked you out of anger, or because he is upset and does not want to see reminders of you.

If I was you I would give him space to do what he needs to right now. Stay no contact and don't pressure him (easier said than done I know).

Don't blame yourself too much we all make mistakes, if he knew you were insecure a few words or actions to help that on his part wouldn't have went a miss. He needs to realise this on his own though.

Give him space and take some time for yourself, it will be hard, sometimes it will feel impossible but it will get better with time.

Maybe he'll get in contact and explain to you the reasons why or want to start again or maybe you'll never hear from him again.

The best thing to do though, is focus on yourself and healing from this.

my texts were more like... where are you? aee u ignoring me? (with a sad emoticon)..

 

there were no other incidences of trust nor jealously issues. i completely trust him and vice versa which is why i confidently deicded to tell him about my inner thoughts.

You are contradicting yourself some here and minimizing things. You might think `are you ignoring me' is just a minor thing but on the receivers end it screams something else entirely different.

If he does indeed have demanding job that requires him to be gone, he already knows his ideal partner needs to be secure, self sufficient and trusting.

are you lying

are you ignoring me

where are you

telling him you are afraid he cheated.

He knew that you two would not be a good fit and I think you are underestimating the impact your actions had on this relationship.

There is a valuable lesson in all of this. I hope you see it.

i hope you aren't lying about this right? I admitted to him what i felt previously and was afraid that he might have cheated.

 

If you knew deep down inside he would not cheat then you should learn to keep your anxieties to yourself and learn some self soothing techniques. Trying to make him responsible for managing your insecurities when he's not responsible for causing them is a sure fire way to ruin a good thing.

Going to him for reassurance, to the point where he feels inclined to send you screen shots to prove himself is the moment

i guess i may not be good at expressing myself but yes deep down i know he would not cheat. i know i made a mistake and i should never have brought it up. sometimes i do wonder i sjould just be alone for the rest of my life. maybe ill just continue to hurt myself if i insist on finding someone.

i guess i may not be good at expressing myself but yes deep down i know he would not cheat. i know i made a mistake and i should never have brought it up. sometimes i do wonder i sjould just be alone for the rest of my life. maybe ill just continue to hurt myself if i insist on finding someone.

No hon. . you take your time and learn to trust YOURSELF.

People will disappoint you.

But when you learn to trust yourself then you can navigate these situations better. You trust yourself to listen to your intuition and not rely on your partner to constantly reassure you. You learn that you are strong enough to handle anything and no matter what that outcome you'll be ok.

Most of us have been where you've been. We learn the lessons the hard way and then we do better.

i spent the last 10 days. thinking our breakup was caused by stress. worrying about his mental health. thinking that he snapped due to a misunderstanding that i wished i could explain. never realizing that i single handedly caused everything..

i spent the last 10 days. thinking our breakup was caused by stress. worrying about his mental health. thinking that he snapped due to a misunderstanding that i wished i could explain. never realizing that i single handedly caused everything..

It takes two. (for the most part)

But all you can now is learn about your part in all of it.