Losing hope

Let me first apologize for the post. Writing is my only outlet right now. I feel hopeless. It's been 4 months of no contact. The hard reality is setting in that she doesn't want me in her life. She isn't coming back.

Moreover, my contract at work just ended. Every job opportunity - including one I was really excited about that would get me out of NYC (a city I really dislike) – have fallen through. Graduate school is not viable with the aid packages that I have received.

Ever since the night that she told me "I can't love you how you love me," I feel like my life has come apart and every effort I have made to move forward or repair it has resulted in further injury or disappointment.

Where does one go when there is no where to go? Where does one turn with everything closing in?

Well, I hate to tell you but if she didn't care about you as much as you care about her, I doubt whether she's coming back. You should continue to try to keep your mind off of her by going to the gym, going hiking, going walking, hanging with friends and family, going to the movies or go to other events. After all, you're in NYC, there's a thousand things to do every day. Don't hide in your apartment or dorm. Get out and enjoy the city.

Well, I hate to tell you but if she didn't care about you as much as you care about her, I doubt whether she's coming back. You should continue to try to keep your mind off of her by going to the gym, going hiking, going walking, hanging with friends and family, going to the movies or go to other events. After all, you're in NYC, there's a thousand things to do every day. Don't hide in your apartment or dorm. Get out and enjoy the city.

There's nothing I like less than NYC. That's part of why I am losing hope. Everything seems to be keeping me in this god-forsaken place.

It comes across that you are engulfed in negativity.

You have a choice to make, that being to remain in that headspace or to actively do something about it.

You hate where you are? You cannot possibly have been everywhere. You cannot possibly dislike and hate every single thing about the place. If so you know what you could try? Put on your shoes and find a cafe, try and smile on the way.

It can be as simple or difficult as you like. You arent going to get far with the attitude you are conveying. Want to change and embody that change.

You have a choice to make, that being to remain in that headspace or to actively do something about it.

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There is a point in every break up where you reach the line describe above. If I don't do something about this I am just going to stay in the same negative space. This is often the phase where you can no longer deny that the breakup has happened, and you are sick of wallowing in the misery. Now you get angry at yourself for being in this situation, this place, this breakup and angry that you can't move on. What this often does is pushes us to do something. 'I'm not going to put up with this anymore.' And when motivated, we start moving in a different direction, away from the pain. Then after a while the anger subsides, you are still moving on.

What I have just described are my four phases of a break up.

Denial => Depression => Anger => Acceptance

It sounds like you are at that line. Make the decision.

On another note, your depression over the breakup is rolling over into the depression on the working from and your apparent hate for NYC. This is making moving forward insurmountable. Try to see them as individual elements and conquer them each in turn.

There's nothing I like less than NYC. That's part of why I am losing hope. Everything seems to be keeping me in this god-forsaken place.

What exactly is it that keeps you in the city you don't like? Your contract's over, and you're not in any relationship that would keep you there. Considering rental prices, you might be better off moving to another city even without a fixed contract. So go to your computer, look for places that would have opportunities in your field and would interest you. If you don't want to move hastily, you can sublet your place while you're checking out other places and opportunities. What you consider hopeless is rather a great chance for you to start out somewhere new and exciting, take it! :)

Sorry to hear this is going on. It sounds like you are homesick. Start there and move back and apply for positions there. It will be worthwhile to restart your life somewhere you want to live and leave all this including her in the past.

get me out of NYC.Where does one go when there is no where to go? Where does one turn with everything closing in?

I have been actively trying to leave the city for a year. Every time it falls through. Now my lease is up, my contract is over, and all the jobs that I have interviewed for over the last 3 months have been rejections. I cannot move back to where I grew up due to family issues. I honestly have no idea where to go from here.

I have been actively trying to leave the city for a year. Every time it falls through. Now my lease is up, my contract is over, and all the jobs that I have interviewed for over the last 3 months have been rejections. I cannot move back to where I grew up due to family issues. I honestly have no idea where to go from here.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I just got broken up with 2 weeks ago and also hate my job. We were living together and it was her place. So, I just drove to my parents and living with them for a bit until I figure everything else out. Do you have this option? NYC is a sh1thole in my opinion. Go anywhere else. The new environment will be good for your soul.

Move to Long Island (get your feet wet!). Beaches for the summer! Not sure what you do, but what job sites are you looking at? Craigslist, Indeed, ZipRecruiter, Glassdoor, all great sites! And that girl, screw her. Plenty of fish in the sea (and better ones). I just think you are a loop with the daily grind of the city.

Unfortunately not, CubbyBear. My family is in Atlanta. Given given our family dynamic, there is no way I can ask to couch crash. My two good friends in NYC are leaving as well. One is traveling the world before he starts law school the next fall, the other is returning to Dubai for work. It's amazing how her leaving seems to set off a domino effect. Every time I think that I may have a break and good things opening up, it's back to ground zero.

Even my friends and therapist have joked that they haven't seen someone have as much bad luck as I have. It's really starting to set into my bones.

Move to Long Island (get your feet wet!). Beaches for the summer! Not sure what you do, but what job sites are you looking at? Craigslist, Indeed, ZipRecruiter, Glassdoor, all great sites! And that girl, screw her. Plenty of fish in the sea (and better ones). I just think you are a loop with the daily grind of the city.

I use my alumni network through Columbia University. Most of the jobs that I've interviewed for is through their Career Services as well as LinkedIn. Truth is I wanted to leave NYC before meeting the girl. The girl prolonged the move because I wanted to see where things would go. When her fellowship placed her elsewhere, I actively looked for jobs in surrounding cities (and now entirely other cities as well) to no avail.

Keep trying to find opportunities. Don't stop because you got a few no answers.

I know it's disheartening and depressing but you can't take this lying down.

You are having a bad spell. You are not alone. Others have suffered these negative turns in life and have experienced getting hit at every turn.. Despite trying and their best efforts they failed. That's how life is some time. Sorry to say that but it's true. There is nothing unique about trouble.

Keep applying. Keep trying. Forget this ex who doesn't love you. Do whatever you can every day to claw your way out of this hole.

Every day do some thing. Even if it seems small, small things build on each other.

I can't promise you it will get better overnight. It probably won't. It will most likely linger much longer than you would prefer. But I can promise you that if you keep trying, eventually things will turn the way you aim. Aim for goodness and happiness and success and a place that you desire to live. Stop aiming for more negative results and how bad things are. The more you ruminate on these things and accept them as how things are, the longer they will persist in your life...the longer they will be what you are aiming for. Aim your thoughts forward to eventual success not backward toward past pain and disappointment.

Feeling there is no hope is an awful place to be. I have been there but for different reasons. When I'm out of it, on the other side, there was always someone or something there that got me through.

It'll takes a long time if you focus on the bad. Look and work hard to get that hope back, it's there!

What's the update, Neruda20? What steps are you taking to get out of the hole? Talk to us.

This is the best approach for professionals.

I use my alumni network through Columbia University. Most of the jobs that I've interviewed for is through their Career Services as well as LinkedIn.

Keep trying to find opportunities. Don't stop because you got a few no answers.

I know it's disheartening and depressing but you can't take this lying down.

You are having a bad spell. You are not alone. Others have suffered these negative turns in life and have experienced getting hit at every turn.. Despite trying and their best efforts they failed. That's how life is some time. Sorry to say that but it's true. There is nothing unique about trouble.

 

Keep applying. Keep trying. Forget this ex who doesn't love you. Do whatever you can every day to claw your way out of this hole.

 

Every day do some thing. Even if it seems small, small things build on each other.

 

I can't promise you it will get better overnight. It probably won't. It will most likely linger much longer than you would prefer. But I can promise you that if you keep trying, eventually things will turn the way you aim. Aim for goodness and happiness and success and a place that you desire to live. Stop aiming for more negative results and how bad things are. The more you ruminate on these things and accept them as how things are, the longer they will persist in your life...the longer they will be what you are aiming for. Aim your thoughts forward to eventual success not backward toward past pain and disappointment.

Law of Attraction?

What's the update, Neruda20? What steps are you taking to get out of the hole? Talk to us.

Last week I received two more rejections; so I'm leaving NYC on Friday. I am moving to Atlanta for the month of June, then will be doing mission work in Taiwan in July. I hope by August my fortunes change. Currently, there are no postings within my field through my alumni network, so giving it time to see if things hit late summer.

Last week I received two more rejections; so I'm leaving NYC on Friday. I am moving to Atlanta for the month of June, then will be doing mission work in Taiwan in July. I hope by August my fortunes change. Currently, there are no postings within my field through my alumni network, so giving it time to see if things hit late summer.

Oh my god, that's exciting! Are you able to stay with your parents afterall or other family and friends? The mission work sounds like a lot of fun!

Oh my god, that's exciting! Are you able to stay with your parents afterall or other family and friends? The mission work sounds like a lot of fun!

I will be using Airbnb. I opted for Atlanta after learning my grandmother's health is declining and I may not have another chance to spend quality time with her. I'm quite excited about the mission trip. We will be building an orphanage to house 150 children - roughly 40 of them have special needs. I pray the trip helps me shift my perspective to something beyond myself towards those who are often forgotten and in need of love in ways most of us take for granted.

After Taiwan, I will start the job hunt again. Thank you for the encouragement. Compounded grief took it's toil when I started this thread.

Give it another 4 months - that's the golden rule, 8 months and then everything is over and it would be as if she never existed, you might even laugh at yourself and want to delete this thread!

Apart from that, 4 billion chicks are out there waiting for you.. And you want the only one that isn't able to love you as you love her..

While you are confused with your feelings for her, it might blind you and make you transcend this wrong image about her that she's the best person in the world and that puts you under shock because she rejected you.. Well, I hate to say but no one is the best person, she is a normal person who just happens not to be the one for you because she can't give you as much as you want to give her.. She isn't responsible neither because love is about chemistry, it isn't a button you click and if it isn't there, it isn't there..

My advice for you is to go have a nice thai massage, pamper yourself, think of all that's waiting for you with the person that you will find soon - because she is there also waiting for you, and enjoy being yourself!

Law of Attraction?

Nope. Life experience.

I've been through a lot. I've been hopeless... And I am so sorry you are feeling this way. But I want you to try to focus forward as much as you can because as hard as this time in your life is, I know it can get better over time. Sometimes it takes longer than is necessary (in my opinion).

I have lost everything and had to rebuild. And then lost it again and had to recover and rebuild AGAIN. I've had to start over and it's not fun at all. It's difficult and it will drive you insane if you let it ...but it can be done.

Best of everything on your trip. I think it's a great idea.