My moms mad at me because I think getting food for my sisters is more important.

So a little background with living with my mom and her boyfriend:

I always say my mom had kids just to have kids. Not to actually raise them. Most of my life my moms priorities have not been what they should. My grandma raised me while she partied in her early 20s and I raised my sisters from the time that I was 12 til I was 21 I’m now 22 almost 23.. my sisters are now 12 and 4 I raised them when she just basically didn’t feel like dealing with them.. EVER. It’s always been about my mom and her boyfriend.. they were always each other’s number 1 priority while me and my sisters kind of just sat on the sideline. My mom always put my sisters dad before me (before and after my first sister was born) causing a lot of problems between me and my mom. Like BIG fights. But once my sisters started getting older our fights started to become about my sisters and my moms lack of discipline with them which has caused my mom to kick me out 3 times. My mom is also really sensitive about the fact that she knows that she’s not the best mom but also doesn’t really do a whole lot to change that.

The 3rd and last time was 2 years ago when I was 20 going to be 21... me and my mom got into a huge argument because I was trying to tell my baby sister not to steal things from out of my room. I took her into my room to scold her privately because I didn’t think it was necessary to do it in front of everyone. My mom took it as me trying to take my sister into a room and do who even knows what. Smh. It didn’t make sense to me because regardless my sister was like my daughter. I raised her and disciplined her (to an extent) and etc. So for my mom too act the way she did didn’t make sense. Granted she also had a lot going on and it didn’t help that my sisters uncle was staying with us and didn’t agree with how the parents “parented”. But to this day the fight still has a missing puzzle piece that I can’t figure out... but anyways. After the fight a lot of resentment on my part came out and really upset my mom to the point of her kicking me out. Me and my sisters uncle ended up moving to Florida for a couple years and me and my mom didn’t talk for half a year and that’s were I’ve been until about March.

So present day... I’m 6 months pregnant and since I came out here at 4 mos getting a job would’ve been pointless especially since I’d be moving back to Florida in mid May (we all know how long it takes to even hear back from a job so by the time I would’ve even heard anything back It would’ve been time for me to leave). My mom allowed me to stay with her for a couple/few months after me and my boyfriend got into an argument and I over reacted and felt as though I needed to be with family (we talked it out and things are fine between us and have been fine.. I mostly just missed my family since it was the first time I’d been away from them for more than 2 weeks) I applied for government assistance and finally just now received my food stamps. Because I’m not working I figured the best way to give back to my mom would be to give her my food stamp card so that she can buy food for the house. There’s almost a few hundred dollars so in my head I was thinking okay... I know they like to buy a lot of meats and steak so I thought that maybe my sisters dad could pay for the meats (as he’s always done) and then the rest can go towards the house and stuff for my sisters. At this point I’m only going to be here for a couple more weeks. So my #1 concern is making sure that my sisters have food to eat. They aren’t really big on the meats that my mom and their dad eat and also don’t eat a lot of the dinners that they cook (which they make quite a bit knowing my sisters won’t eat them). Atleast 3-4 days out of the week they make food for themselves and just give my sisters freezer food to eat for dinner. I’m honestly not okay with that. Especially during the week when my sisters get home from school they either eat fried food (chicken and French fries) or PB&J sandwiches... which is fine but NOT EVERY DAY. There should be variety.

So we talked about my food stamps and my mom apparently decided that they were going to use 90% of the food stamps on meats that’s for THEM and then the 10% would go to me and my sisters smh. I personally don’t think that’s okay! Why not just have their dad buy ONLY the meats and then use all the other money on buying food for the house!? Like there’s already no food here and hasn’t been for a couple weeks since the last time I went shopping! They both make ALOT of money so money on food is not the issue. So why take food from my sisters mouths when you can use the money wisely?

The way I see it is I feel like they want to spend more money on buying only like 5-6 packages of meat (from Costco so it’s bulk packages) that my sisters WONT eat when they could be spending a few hundred dollars on food for the rest of the house and buying several different types of food and ingredients that everyone will eat. The small percentage that my mom wants to leave for us will hardly get us what we NEED. Idk maybe I’m wrong and don’t know priorities but I feel as though children should come first. Especially as being the child that’s always been put last and my sisters having to deal with the same thing I don’t think it’s right. Even when I first came out here they would buy things for themselves and hide it in their room fridge and then buy like corn dogs and chicken nuggets and bread for sandwiches for my sisters. Being a soon to be new mom also I’d never put me and my boyfriend over our child. So if I were in the situation I’d just suck it up and buy what I usually ALWAYS buy and then get as much with the assistance that I’m getting to feed my family! Not just myself!

So because I expressed to my mom how I felt that they should get more food for my sisters my moms upset with me and hasn’t talked to me for the last hour or so and probably won’t for the rest of the day. Smh. Now I don’t even know what the plan is because after I told her my idea she said “don’t worry about it.” Like I know that if I’m giving someone something I shouldn’t tell them how they should use it.. but at the same time because I know how they are I just can’t bring myself to be okay with the fact that they spent it on themselves.

Why does she need your card if they make a lot of money?

If you have a baby, then why don't you have a job?

None of this makes sense. CPS should be involved.

Why does she need your card if they make a lot of money?

 

If you have a baby, then why don't you have a job?

 

None of this makes sense. CPS should be involved.

Lol smh. Just because they have money doesn’t mean that I can’t still help them while they’re helping me. I clearly said that that was the best way I could give back to them.

I literally just quit my job because my pregnancy made it hard for me to work anyway BUT THE FATHER OF MY CHILD is doing his best and working his butt off to make sure OUR CHILD IS TAKEN CARE OF until we can both be able to work. Thanks though

I'm confused, as well. Why can't you move in with the father of your child?

So you posted this thread that is about an ex you never got "closure" from:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550214

In another post (posted on 5/2/18), you say you are moving back to live with your boyfriend in a "couple of weeks".

You have a lot going on lol!

So if you're moving to be with your baby's father, this situation with your mom will be over with in 10 days anyway, right?

IM CONFUSED on why the issue is not the fact that my mom would rather spend more money on herself than provide more for for my sisters? Why is it that my personal situation is a bigger problem?

The father of my child is trying to make sure that we have a stable living situation for when I go back out there. So that we can have our own place for our new family. Right now I’m not focused on that because we are actively working on that hence why I said that I’m only going to be out here for a few more weeks. But living with the father of my child has nothing to do with the food my sisters are not being provided with!

Maybe I started the post of venting too much about my mother that was my fault but at the end this really is about the position that my mother has put her children in when it comes to her priorities. I’m giving my mom my food stamps in a way to pay her back for allowing me to stay with her BUT her decisioning just doesn’t seem fair to me

Leaving does not solve this problem.

How can you help your mom if you are not working? Are you talking about the food stamps that the taxpayers are providing to make up the difference. The purpose of the program is to help those who cannot afford food. Your siblings are in an unhealthy environment and should have been removed, long ago.

IM CONFUSED on why the issue is not the fact that my mom would rather spend more money on herself than provide more for for my sisters? Why is it that my personal situation is a bigger problem?

 

The father of my child is trying to make sure that we have a stable living situation for when I go back out there. So that we can have our own place for our new family. Right now I’m not focused on that because we are actively working on that hence why I said that I’m only going to be out here for a few more weeks. But living with the father of my child has nothing to do with the food my sisters are not being provided with!

 

Maybe I started the post of venting too much about my mother that was my fault but at the end this really is about the position that my mother has put her children in when it comes to her priorities. I’m giving my mom my food stamps in a way to pay her back for allowing me to stay with her BUT her decisioning just doesn’t seem fair to me

What is it you are looking for input on exactly? You seem to be looking for validation rather than asking for advice... when I read your post I don’t see a specific question to be answered... therefore of course you will get feedback on all of it.

If things are as bad as you say why have no other family members stepped in to help?

Check with your agency. You should be the only one using the card. If your siblings or mother qualify, they need to apply separately. You can buy whatever you want including things you share with siblings but you can not use it in lieu of rent or give it to someone else to pose as you when shopping. Go back to the department of social services and see if they can provide you with healthcare, housing, job assistance, etc.

I’m 6 months pregnant . I applied for government assistance and finally just now received my food stamps. Because I’m not working I figured the best way to give back to my mom would be to give her my food stamp card so that she can buy food for the house.

Why do you feel obliged to "give back" to such a selfish mother? Don't. It doesn't sound like you owe her anything. Maybe she makes you feel that you do? Since they are making tons of money, I wouldn't feel bad about her.

Helping your sisters is another story. I'm sorry you had to grow up as a parent.

Have you thought about adopting them? Using the food stamps for you and your boyfriend and sending them money?Or ordering the food online and having it sent to them?Would your mom throw it away?

I know getting the government involved is scary and risky; you don't want your sisters thrown into the system. Can you seek legal advice? I'm sure there must be some form of free legal advice in these cases.

If your mother won't adequately provide for those kids, she shouldn't have those kids. End of.

Check into what wiseman said. What you all are doing right now is abuse of the system. The money you are receiving is for you and to make sure your baby's nutritional and other needs are met.

You need to move out back to Fl with your child's father. From there you can apply for all kinds of assistance that you will desperately need for yourself and your child. It's time to stop playing social worker with your mother and start caring for yourself and your unborn child. Only you can stop this perpetuation of family strife and dysfunction and not keep passing it along from generation to generation. This means standing up and being a responsible parent and providing a responsible home and family life for yourself and your child. Since you are involved with your child's father, that is the first step for you to take. Develop a stable relationship and household with him. It's time to stop raising your siblings, enabling your mother's bad parenting and focus on the future. Your siblings have the option to report to teachers etc if there is child neglect. In this case your mother and siblings will get the help they need from a case worker who will oversee things, should they deem that there's a problem. Food stamp fraud is not the solution to all this.