Can’t stop thinking about him

Hi, I’ve been through so much this past year as well as being off and on with this guy. It was clear we weren’t meant to be together and it was so unhealthy breaking up and getting back together numerous times. He stood me up Valentine’s Day so I decided to call it a day with him. I unfortunately fell pregnant shortly after, I was completely honest with him and told him it wasn’t his. he seemed ok so we saw each other again...this was about a month ago. I decided to terminate as I am in no way able to cope with another child right now and stand by my decision. However pregnancy hormones really had a massive effect on me and caused me severe depression and I felt I couldn’t be with somebody whilst I was feeling so down. So I decided to call it a day (again). It’s ridiculous how many times it’s been off and in and I feel pathetic and stupid for going back to him the minute he gets in touch with me. I went through the termination completely alone and it’s been tough. I hadn’t heard from my ex for about a month until last weekend where he thanked me for everything I did for him. I did stand by him and support him through tough times he had last year. I initially kept it short but then I stupidly told him how bad I had been with the depression and how I had to go through it alone. He took great pleasure in telling me he had moved in and was seeing someone new. This left me devastated and I told him that I didn’t want to hear from him again. I don’t know why he felt the need to message me, he knew what I had been through and then to rub it in my face that he had happily moved on...at such a fragile time it kind of goes to show how heartless he is:/ I was doing so well not contacting him for a minute th and going through everything myself and then for him to message me purely to tell me he’s happy dating again whilst I’m still recovering:/ now all week he’s been on my mind and I feel incredibly lonely. I’ve realised he’s really not a great guy after what he did but I fi t know why I’m thinking about him so much especially as it was such an unhealthy relationship anyway. I don’t have anybody else, I’m not talking to any other guys. I’m in no fit state to date again anyway as my self esteem is so low and I’m still recovering from the termination. But I just feel so lonely and can’t help but think of my ex.

Yeah, it sucks when an ex contacts you like that. We all let our emotions override our common sense. He was probably feeling guilty and reached out, but whiole it helped his guilt, it only caused you more heartache. That's why if you're really ending a relationship you should go no contact and that means blocking your ex on everything: phone, social media, etc. It only causes bad feelings.

My advice is to seek out a grief counselor. Not only you lost a relationship but you are also dealing with the loss of a baby. That's real tough, and a grief counselor will give you some relieve and perspective so you can move on too. Most women's clinics or family planning clinics offer it for free or for a small fee.

My advice is to seek out a grief counselor. Not only you lost a relationship but you are also dealing with the loss of a baby. That's real tough, and a grief counselor will give you some relieve and perspective so you can move on too. Most women's clinics or family planning clinics offer it for free or for a small fee.

Completely agree. Get professional help, both from a physical and psychological approach. Your healthcare provider probably has resources that can help with the counseling.

Don't rely on friends and family to get you through this. Their real role is to encourage you and support you in your decision to get professional help, not be your counselor/confidant/etc. I know that some will disagree with this because we've all been conditioned to go to someone within our circle of friends and family for this initial stage of direction.

When I was dealing with my situation I ended up alienating people because I needed a counselor and I wouldn't stop complaining about my situation to them instead. Don't be that guy....

Make no mistake, if you chose to take your time to heal, you will come out better , and that is only objective.

It's not uncommon for one person to try to win the breakup, this can range from dating again to seeming so HAPPY, esp on social media.

He might have moved on, probably not, but no one really knows, one thing for sure, he's trying to win and have a sense of control.

Take the popular route of NC, means blocking every where, take your time to heal and ofc professional advice and help might do you some good.

Hang in there, cheers

Sorry to hear this. Who was the father? Do you have other children? This guy doesn't sounds supportive at all. It would be better to get help and support from friends, family and agencies that can help you with counseling.

I was completely honest with him and told him it wasn’t his. I don’t have anybody else, I’m not talking to any other guys. I’m still recovering from the termination.