Ex brings new girlfriend on vacation with son

Hello all,

My ex and I separated about a year ago and he moved to another state. My son only gets to see him now during spring break and the summer for a couple of weeks. He adores his father and looks forward to that time with him when it approaches.

This past week my ex planned a trip to Disney over spring break for him and my son. Just prior to the trip he mentioned to me that he was seeing someone and that My son may meet her during this trip. I was glad he told me and told him I’m happy for him.

On return the girlfriend was present when I picked up my son. I shook her hand and was pleasant although a bit surprised. My son tells me that my ex brought the new girlfriend on the week long Disney trip with her child along too.

I was shocked. I thought that he may meet you one night over dinner before going on the father son trip, not spend an entire week in a hotel with a woman I don’t know. I am a bit upset that I feel the truth was omitted and he didn’t disclose that she would be there.

I feel betrayed and angry. Am I being irrational? I just feel that after dating a woman for a month or two to bring them on a vacation with your son AND THEN to not discuss with with your child’s mother is inconsiderate and irresponsible.

I agree. I don't think children should be introduced until the ex knows it's a person they see as being in their future long term. I had my daughter around my last ex but only because she was with me when I met him which was odd. A couple months in I allowed it and it was fine. He should have told you. I don't know how old your son is but hopefully he felt okay with it. It was their trip. He should not have included this woman and her child so soon.

He probably didn't disclose that she would be there because of possible drama with you. Be honest, if he would've told you you probably would've said "no it's too soon, I don't want him to go and stay in a hotel room with some strange woman that I don't even know!" I don't know how old your son is but maybe they had separate but joined rooms.

I do think you're overreacting a tad. I don't think your ex did anything terrible here. He just brought a friend along, relax. JMO

How old is your son?

Something similar almost happened to my sons, but I was upset enough that my ex didn't take my son (and our older son didn't want to go). My concern was sharing a hotel room, and the other woman was bringing her daughter, so putting the kids together would not have been appropriate. My ex said that he would be in a separate room with our son- yeah, right.

In the end, my ex just went with the woman and her daughter.

But- my lawyer said that legally I could not prevent him from taking our son on that trip - and that I could not dictate what activities my ex engages in with our sons during his visitation times, as long as they are safe.

This was a huge HUGE adjustment for me, as I had been a stay at home mom. I knew what activities my kids were engaged in, and what media they were exposed to, and who they were around, up until then.

I had to trust. And I prayed for my sons -and even for their dad, so that he would make the right choices. I always kept my sons' welfare in mind, which meant that I had to be very careful not to put my sons in the middle.

Let us just hope that this woman is a longterm thing for your ex, since it is not good for kids to meet a string of new "partners".

Let me say that you are at one of the most difficult transitions after a breakup. But, for the sake of your son, you will hopefully be able to handle this with as much grace as you can muster. Your son is watching how you handle this, and he will learn what a strong and wise mom he has, to look up to in years to come.

It has been 10 years since my marriage broke up. One of my boys is grown and on his own, and the other is about to graduate from high school. My ex is living with a woman who has been very kind to my sons for the past 7 years, and I am thankful for that.

I remind my sons to get her a card and/or gift for Christmas and her birthday, because I want them to be caring and thoughtful young men.

Shifting my focus to what was best for my sons helped me get through this.

Be available to listen to your son, without judgement (or at least kerp it to yourself). Keep the communication lines open with your ex, regarding your son's well being.

You will get through this!

@force, I think you’re misinterpreting, which I understand because many relationships get rocky after divorce. We actually support each other and have a positive relationship. During the break up we stressed open communication and respect for each other. When he discussed the father and son trip, he omitted the part where his new gf would be present for the week. This bothers me because the trip was quality time he was spending with Zane after not seeing him for 7 months.

Had he told me she was coming I would have expressed that I felt it was too soon, but I would have accepted whatever choice he made. By not telling it shows deceit. Whether that was ill-intentioned or not, it can impact our positive relationship. I am disappointed, that’s all.

He told you that you that he is involved with someone and she will be present during the trip. He didn't go into details. You actually created this scenario in your own mind that it will be limited to x and are now upset that it's more.

I do think that you are over reacting and basically being emotional because this is the first time you are having to face the fact that there will be someone else there and it's no longer just in theory. It would be wise, however, to set your emotions aside, continue to maintain your amicable relationship with your ex and accept the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. Having other adults in their life is the opposite of harmful even though feeling like you are not in control is so uncomfortable to you.

I'm sorry, I have a different view. For the first month of dating a new person, I don't believe a child should be introduced to them. Dating should be done on noncustodial times initially especially if the divorce is recent and the relationship is new. He and I have even discussed this and agreed upon this prior, I have been dating a man for a few months now and he has yet to meet my son. It creates anxiety and discomfort in younger children and can be confusing to a child to wake up for a week in a hotel with a woman they don't know.

Additionally, he only sees his son for a few weeks out of the year. All the other time he has to spend with his gf. I feel like it would have been nice for him to at least initially (being that they've JUST met) spend the little time he has with his son exclusively.

But I would like to clarify that I am writing this forum as a way to release the frustration I felt regarding this situation. I have never and will never say anything negative to my son about his father or try to exert control through the utilization of my son.

I don’t think your child should be introduced after a few months of dating and not seeing his dad for 7 months. He can’t face not being without his squeeze for a week ? Really?

It is another case of steam roller ahead which is bound to fail .

I completely agree. Separation is difficult for all involved especially kids and he took it hard when his dad moved away. He only JUST stopped asking me when we would all move back in together. It breaks my heart for him. That’s why I’ll never mention to my son that this upset me. If it had been done tastefully and she had spent one or two evenings that would be different. That’s an appropriate initial introduction to a new girlfriend. My sons first time seeing one of his parents with someone else and then spending the entire week in a hotel with them is a bit much for a 7 year old. It hurts me that he had to share the little time he had with his dad, he deserved that week of daddy time.

I completely agree. Separation is difficult for all involved especially kids and he took it hard when his dad moved away. He only JUST stopped asking me when we would all move back in together. It breaks my heart for him. That’s why I’ll never mention to my son that this upset me. If it had been done tastefully and she had spent one or two evenings that would be different. That’s an appropriate initial introduction to a new girlfriend. My sons first time seeing one of his parents with someone else and then spending the entire week in a hotel with them is a bit much for a 7 year old. It hurts me that he had to share the little time he had with his dad, he deserved that week of daddy time.

Absolutely. I can totally understand that the child is seven not 17 . I remember my parents being divorced and my dad bringing other women and their children for his visitations with us. It was so miserable . He had two whole weeks to spend with his Hoochie coo but then just had to bring her for the day and a half that he had us .

It may not have been the best idea to introduce the children to the new bf/gf but that ship had already sailed by the time the trip happened.

Co-parenting while divorced or separated can be difficult and you have to learn to accept that you have no control over what choices your ex will be making while your son is with him.

In the end it wasn't the greatest choice but your son probably had a great time and spent time with his dad so that is a good thing. Your son also got to see his dad happy and with someone new just like he will one day see you with a new beau.

There is nothing you can do about this so you can either stew about it and let it ruin the good communication you have now or you can let it go and focus on the good that came out of the trip.

Lost

PS Reading your other threads it seems like you build things up in your mind with no real issues to substantiate them. How long have you been separated? it looks like you were with your ex for 10 years.