Guy I’m Dating (& have in the past)

I went on two dates with this guy I used to talk to in highschool last week.

Here’s some background on us: We never became official in high school because he was going off to college in another state a few months after we had started getting to know each other. I also felt he was afraid of commitment because in his first serious relationship, his girlfriend cheated on him multiple times, even when he took her back. Things between us ended over petty stuff, however I took it seriously back then. One of those things was not asking me to prom. Instead, he asked multiple girls and ended up taking someone else. I used to think he didn’t want to be seen with me as I was more shy and he was outgoing and probably seen as the class clown. In other words, more popular than me. He would deny it though. I still felt like a secret. We went our separate ways and each were in our own relationships by freshman and sophomore year in college. I broke up with mine before he broke up with his girlfriend, and soon after he started going to college back at home. We would hook up every now and then and it seemed as if he liked me, but nothing would become of it. I would get frustrated and upset and eventually stop talking to him. This would happen over and over.

Now, since he’s turned 21, he says he’s matured. We hadn’t seen each other for a few months before our two dates last week. We had a good time, eating, talking and laughing, he pays, and by the end of the first night we hugged and we left to go home (we met up since it was after my shift at work). I was surprised he didn’t kiss me goodbye since we had history of doing much more than that. The second date comes and he picks me up from my house, we have a good time again, and we park near my house and just sit and chat for a while. Here again he doesn’t make any moves. When he drops me off at my house he gives me a hug goodbye and tells me he’ll text me when he gets home.

After he texts me, I say thank you and whatnot for the date and it was good seeing him. I also mention him curving me. He’s surprised and texts back not knowing how he’s been “curving” me. Previous messages before the dates, he had said he liked me more as a friend so I assumed he would’ve made more moves than just a hug. I mention that I’m confused and he replies that he just wanted to do things different this time. He wanted to go out to eat or do something normal instead of hooking up like we normally did. He wanted to make a connection first. I reply, “So you’re taking things slow?” And he replies yes. I was surprised and told him I liked that, but I wasn’t expecting him to be so prudish, especially when we have already gone farther than kissing. He told me that if I want something I should tell him, but is that weird? I don’t want to make him kiss me, especially if he doesn’t want to take things there. I’m not for sure if he’s looking to become serious this time around or not, which is why I question the things he does. Do you think he may be trying to take things seriously this time around?

The other issue I guess I’m having with him is he is going to visit his friends back at the university he went to starting freshman year for spring break, in another state. I know his friends and his ex have a few things of his that they held onto when he came back home for school. Should I be worried that he’s not making moves on me because he isn’t sure what will happen between him and his ex while he is down there? I know I’ve been in the position where I’ve wanted to be with my ex a few times so I wonder if he’s thinking about things between her and I. I know he’ll be applying to go back to that university for his senior year as well so I’m insure as to if he would really want to commit to being with me, but even when we were in relationships he’d still act as if he wanted me instead.

What advice can you give or think is going on? Is he being genuine and trying to take things slow and I’m just overthinking? Otherwise, I keep my wall up if I think a guy isn’t investing into being with me in the long run. I don’t necessarily want to bring up the future with him quite yet because we are on good terms again and I don’t want to scare him off as silly as it sounds. I’m unsure of where he’s at. What do you think or suggest I do?

I should also mention that when we text, he isn’t as flirtatious as he used to be a few months ago. When I flirt, he doesn’t really say much back besides, “oh I see what you did there!” And changes the subject. He doesn’t send heart emojis like he used to nor does he call me by my nickname anymore. He’ll call me by my first name. He seems overall more serious when he texts and he didn’t used to be that way. Is he maturing or am I just being played with?

Well, he told you that he sees you as a "friend," and he's showing a lot of self control to keep it that way. It probably would be pretty easy for him to come up to your place and sleep with you, but I think he's more interested in just being a friend. You seem to be expecting a full-on relationship. I don't think he wants that.

What did these dates consist of, exactly?

What did these dates consist of, exactly?

We just went to a sit down restaurant, talked and ate, he paid (making me think it was a date), then he dropped me off at home. We hugged goodbye and that was that

Well, he told you that he sees you as a "friend," and he's showing a lot of self control to keep it that way. It probably would be pretty easy for him to come up to your place and sleep with you, but I think he's more interested in just being a friend. You seem to be expecting a full-on relationship. I don't think he wants that.

I meant to say more than a friend. My bad. Shoot

Did he recently break up with someone?