Annual Anxiety Attacks Taking a Huge Toll - Should I go to meds?

Hi Guys,

I have a recurring anxiety disorder which tends to really distort my view of reality during its heyday. I would say it probably hits me about once a year, obviously this depends on circumstances surrounding it.

This time last year I was on a new visa and trying desperately to find a job in this foreign country (Netherlands). I hit rock bottom with the number of rejections I was receiving along with some debt I couldn't begin to tackle in the current circumstances and a language barrier making "Just working anywhere" kinda impossible.

Fast forward a year and a lot has improved! I've been in the job I landed during that time for about a year now, I've done well in it and received a raise and my colleagues and I get along. It is definitely not my dream job or even a job I want to stay in for too many years, but it affords me my comfortable life in holland and it's stability I appreciate.

I've learned Dutch - am not yet fluent (may never feel fluent) but I speak and understand dutch daily and it continues to improve - I'm proud of this after only 2 years in this country exposed to the language. I am engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years and we live together - he's great and we dove into wedding planning and that honestly makes me a lot happier than I ever thought possible. I am fit, eat well, almost never drink and feel like so much has improved. I lead a good life, and I am grateful - especially coming from where I know I've been.

But... as it seems to be once a year or so, I am lately facing some demons that I know come from previous experiences. I struggle to find a good therapist in the netherlands who isn't native dutch (I work best with people who "get" the cultural thing, but beggars cannot be choosers), so I am forced to really take a good look at my own issues, and that is difficult when one doesn't feel they have all the tools they need. It's impossible to be my own therapist when I am trying to decipher my own negative perceptions of things from what they really are - especially during panic periods. Some of you may know it well - even when I'm not panicking, those weeks feel like walking through the alternate universe on "stranger things".

My fiancé does not always understand that my occasional anxiety has NOTHING to do with him or our relationship. He has said a few times to me that it makes him question if I am happy with him because if I were, I wouldn't have these moments where I just doubt everything or feel so down. Then, I feel guilty about it and want to just snap out of it and anyone with anxiety knows that this pressure to "be happier" is the worst thing for anxiety - it fuels the flames and I start to envision my whole world crumbling around me.

I keep reminding myself that "feelings are not facts" and that just because I have this pit-in-my-stomach stress, it doesn't have to equal anything long term. But I am definitely deep in the darkness right now and it's triggering a lot of sudden tension between my fiancé and me, and a lot of anxiety at work - every task feels three times as hard.

I'm really beginning to wonder about medication and if it could help me get through these periods better/faster. I've never turned to it - I took Xanax once or twice in my life in two very extreme moments but I refused to take it for more than those two situations because of how addicting they can be. Overall I hate the idea of leaning on medicine and I feel sensitive even to the supplements and vitamins I take, if that doesn't sound too ridiculous. My sister has bi-polar disorder and has been on some form of anti-depressant/ anti-anxiety/ SSRI/ lithium craziness for as long as I can remember and I am not a fan of all the side-effects I've witnessed. I will say, however, when it has worked for her, it has really balanced everything out well and I've been a bit in awe of her chill as a result - Especially in recent years when she's got it pretty nailed down to a science.

What have the experiences out there been with this? At what point do I throw in the towel? Life is innately hard work, I am not looking for some kind of short cut or a way to numb myself, but lately it just feels like I am more of a burden to myself than an engine and I'm getting sick of it.

Thanks.

HI struggle to find a good therapist in the netherlands who isn't native dutch (I work best with people who "get" the cultural thing, but beggars cannot be choosers), so I am forced to really take a good look at my own issues, and that is difficult when one doesn't feel they have all the tools they need.

You know, a slight culture shock could be contributing to your anxiety. It's happened to me before. Subtle differences can accumulate over time and knock you off kilter. Just a thought.

I suffered with depression for years and took an SSRI for it. I believe that the medication served it purpose well and I went off of it about five years ago.

I now struggle with anxiety, and like you, I have a bad episode annually. In those very difficult anxiety ridden days, I will take medication to take the edge off. I do not sleep when the anxiety is at it's worst so the medication helps with sleep as well. Without sleep, everything is 1000 times worse. During these episodes my doctor will prescribe only 10 pills, as they are so addictive, and that is usually all I need annually. For me, it really, really helps. My fear is that if I don't manage those nasty episodes I may slip into depression again so it is important to stay on top of it. These episodes used to really blind side me and I fought them, but now after years of experiencing them, I have a plan in place to manage them and that helps a lot.

A good therapist makes all the difference too. I hope you can find someone that you work well with, that can take time of course, but in my experience is worth all the effort when you find a good fit. Exercise also helps. I am always amazed when I work out when I am anxiety ridden how much higher my heart rate is. Unbelievable. I will walk or ride until exhaustion hits and that can help quiet my brain. I take a few supplements as well and I believe that they have helped so they have their place.

All the best to you.

My feeling is that depression is created by a chemical imbalance in the brain or by chemicals you're taking in and you have to counteract it with other chemicals.

So what am I talking about? Cut off all caffeine. Doctors don't seem to know this, but caffeine builds up in the body. Over 24 hours, your body does not get rid of all the caffeine you've drunk and it just keeps doubling up in your bloodstream. Where you're sensitive to supplements, cutting caffeine could cure your problem alone. (I had this happen to me. I was only drinking 2 cups of coffee a day.)

Do things that will generate endorphins in the brain. Running for 20 minutes can literally generate a gentle euphoria in your brain from endorphins that can lower your blood pressure and quiet your mind. Getting out in nature and absorbing sunlight will also help. You can get as much as 60,000 units of vitamin D in half an hour of sunlight in the summer, but you can only buy vitamin D in 1000 and 5000 unit pills. You would have to take 12-60 of these pills to get the same amount in half an hour of sunlight. Listen to happy music. Dance. Do yoga. Exercise. These will all counteract anxiety by generating endorphins.

There are other things to counteract anxiety. Dr. Ruth would say to have more sex. It's great for reducing anxiety. Have a drink or two in the evening. Your granny might have had a sip of sherry before bed and she lived to 94! Alcohol will reduce tension and as long as you don't get drunk every night, it can help immensely.

Hang out with friends and relatives. Talking can lower your blood pressure. Blood pressure medication can lower your blood pressure too. If your BP is a little high, ask your doctor for some BP medication. For me, it's alleviated my racing heartbeats and sleeplessness.

The final piece of advice is do things that make you happy. This can help you immensely without drugs.

You guys, thank you for these, and DanZee - that is super on point and astute advice. I do tend to stay hooked on caffeine and have had this inner thought process of "what if I just really 100% give this up, will that help?"

I thought it might be a good idea for me to write a little bit about what I experienced this past week:

One of the triggers for my anxiety, other than culture shock (which is, for sure!! One of the triggers here and there Jbralta. It is disorienting just like it can be a rush. I have to fight through that as I learn Dutch and get more used to this culture), is that I've had a big career change in the past year and quit pursuing my lifelong dream of performing for a living. It no longer fit me and was giving me a very unhealthy financially-unstable life that I was not okay with settling for. But, of course, trying to go into a new career track takes a ton of patience and self-confidene and I have neither some days.

So this past week my fiancé and I went on a ski trip in the Alps with his family. I am not a good skier and his family don't speak much English - these factors made me pretty stressed on the trip there and homesickness doubled. His Dad is a very kind soul who took pity on me and bought me ski lessons for four days and even gave me lunch money for those days since I would be separated from my fiancé and their whole group (so sweet of him). However, as I do have some slight social anxiety in the mix, I was also pretty scared to be in a ski group for four days where I would have to interact with god knows who while trying not to break anything on those slopes.

Instead of panicking and staying indoors, I embraced it the way I would have as a kid: full in, amped to get better at skiing and open to meeting new people. I wound up excelling in the classes on the first day and getting put up in an intermediate group. I still had that quivering-stomach feeling at the tops of the slopes or when left alone with someone I barely knew on the ski lifts, but I ignored it and kept going. I taught myself that I can really do things I would never normally do, and do them well! I made friends. I even spoke Dutch.

This all led to me doing a phone interview on Thursday for a role that is way above where I am right now. I had trouble sleeping the night before and felt like I am going to make a fool of myself - this role is way too big for me, and I am under qualified. But the confidence of skiing and doing well and conquering fears made me go into it with a better mindset. I did great in the interview and have a second round this Friday.

So now of course I have to find ways of balancing my anxiety this week while I prep for THAT interview, but oh man... what a good feeling to see how these things can help shift the mindset.

I do think that if I can be really strict with myself about getting rid of caffeine, it will also truly help. That combined with going for runs and to yoga, and taking things one day at a time and focusing fully in the present should be able to help (I hope). I need better coping mechanisms here.

Thank you all so much for the time writing here!!

xo

There is a very strong genetic component to mood disorders. And there is a wide range and often a seasonal component, as you are describing. See a physician for a complete work up including thyroid, etc.. You can't talk away physical, neurological or mood disorders, talk therapy is an adjunct to correcting chemical imbalances. Also taking handfuls of supplements could contribute rather than improve this until you find out what's really going on physically and tailor your lifestyle and eating habits.

My sister has bi-polar disorder and has been on some form of anti-depressant/ anti-anxiety/ SSRI/ lithium craziness for as long as I can remember and I am not a fan of all the side-effects I've witnessed. I will say, however, when it has worked for her, it has really balanced everything out well and I've been a bit in awe of her chill