Girlfriends past?

thanks for opening, first of all please no trolls or useless/snotty messages, your not doing anyone any favours.

So I have a girlfriend whos really into me, we get on like a house on fire and we've known each other for about two years, we work at the same place in different departments.

We’ve always had something for each other, however she wasn’t ready for anything serious a year ago after the first date because she wasn't in the right frame of mind

We’ve obviously dated and seen other people in the past and what she did when she wasn’t with me had absolutely nothing to do with me and she wasn’t doing anything wrong, this I accept. After our first date a year ago she had told me how much she adores me but doesn’t want anything serious because she wasn’t ready for it , again this I accept. ( January 2017 )

So a few months go by and she admits she wishes she never messed up ( March 2017 ) and IVe told her if I wasn’t good enough then then Im not good enough ever, as much as I wanted to I simply felt like I was second best.

To cut a long story short in July-August 2017 she slept with someone from work after getting really drunk and denied it to me until we got together ( December 2017 ) and this one particular person is a total looser. As you can suggest by my name IÂ’ve had to throw him out of pubs for just being a general pest and for being drunk.

Was she wrong to deny it or right to admit it? This one Particular person she’s been with ( yes it had nothing to do with me ) realy bugs me at the fact of what she did. I know for a fact if I told her it would upset her, and I dont want to do that. She lied to me, was it for the best or the worse ?

I’ve not been picture perfect, which makes me feel like Im just being silly and immature. Do I get up and grow up and move on or just never mention it again?

Thanks for any advice. Again no trolls because useless comments like that will just be reported.

It depends on how much you would like to be with her. She eventually told you and it turned out to be this jerk. If you do want to view it as a silly past mistake on her part, then you'll get past it. Is she interested in exclusive/serious dating?

we got together December 2017 and this one particular person is a total looser.

She probably denied it initially because of how you're reacting to it now.

Now quite sure why you had to know whether or not she slept with this guy anyway? It doesn't really do anything in terms of helping or benefitting your relationship with her.

You asked, and now you have the answer. You brought this on yourself by asking.

She admits she slept with him, although she was drunk at the time.

Why does her sleeping with him bother you? Especially since it was before you two were together.

Fact is, I have a feeling that it would bother you regardless of who the guy was. Something tells me that if it was another guy you know, it would still bother you.

You either have to suck it up and let it go, or go your separate ways, imo.

Maybe if you can figure out why it's bothering you in the first place would be helpful and potentially bring you closer to moving past it.

If it's about her being with men other than you, yeah....you gotta let it go. Otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts.

Come on. She was embarrassed about sleeping with the guy! Put yourself in her place. If you slept with some slag would you want to admit it to your girlfriend? First you'd say, nah, I didn't sleep with her. Months later you admit, yeah, I slept with her. She trusted you more then. Technically, she probably should have kept her mouth shut. We have people posting here all the time about how much of a mistake it was asking their bf/gf how many people they had slept with or who they slept with. There really should be a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to relationships.

I agree with DanZee!

She didn't do this while you two were together. I can see why you wouldn't like it because you know the guys no good but she knows this and was embarrassed to tell you. She doesn't want you to think less of her.

It's up to you if you can move forward from this.

If you wanted something more with this girl and she told you that she wasn't ready for anything serious, better to back away.

If a girl you've spent time with is so moved by you that she sleeps with someone else, back away. Its a really bad start in all honesty.

Go for a woman who feels the same way, that only wants you right from the get go. A much better beginning and better on the long run.

The way I see it is that she was genuine when she told you that she isn't in a place for anything serious and her actions following that are actually consistent. It actually makes sense that she would mess about with someone where nothing will come of it than to lead on a decent man instead.

Now you two are together and you say that you really get on. I'd say that you should stop looking at her past if you want to continue to get on with each other. What she did before you is her business. Probably the biggest mistake is talking about it. Especially talking about who. People think that they can handle knowing, but in reality, most cannot and it tends to poison relationships. Truly a don't ask don't tell policy is best. Even if she is the one who starts bringing up these conversations, I'd say draw some boundaries for yourself and just tell her that you prefer not to know.