He is still active on dating site

Hey i need some advice

I have been seeing someone whom i work with, we never talk at work just the occasional hey or hello and then we speak on the phone in the evenings and message eachother mostly everyday.

I have been out with him now on a few occasions dinner/drinks and then i stay over at his...

He asked me if i was speaking to anybody else and i said no and asked him the same and he said no, he did say if i was speaking to anyone else then it would upset him

I recently however joined back on dating sites and he was on them and active - everyday several times throughout the day (my profile hidden on one of them so he cannot see that i see this) but on the other apps he surely must of seen me but he hasnt mentioned it

Now i dont know what i want, but i feel like he is already kind of lying to me as he makes out there isnt anybody else but regulary signs into this dating site so he is messaging other women and i dont know if i like this, last night i stayed over at his and then when i get home i find out he signed onto the app when i left, why are you thinking of other women when we have slept together?

So me and him only started spending time together since just before christmas so a veryyyyy short period of time but is there rules on this stuff? I dont know at this point if i want anything serious but feel insulted he does this is this the norm?

But if i understand it correctly you are also telling him you're not speaking to anyone else but then you join dating sites so........ confused.... you do the same....

I did it knowing he was on them, so i thought i would too

I just dont like the fact he is lying to me makes me feel sad :(

The fact he logs onto the dating site when he has been initmate with me doesnt make me feel good

But you're logging onto the dating site when you've been intimate with him. He could very well say you're lying too.

Instead of all this stealth dating-site logging on to check what he's doing, why not ASK him why he's still active on the site? Talking works best.

He is only going to lie

He was on it before me and still signing on before i ever joined i just joined for the sake of it

I am not want he wants and he is lying to me when do people sign off from dating sites? I am becoming paranoid now that he doesnt like me as much as he say he does

There's a lot missing from this story

Sarah, you said you signed back up because you know he did, how did you know?

What would make you check the site right after you left?

Seems like you already know the guy is bad news.

Is this the same "work hookup" guy from November?

Bad news :( just what i didnt want to hear

I checked to see if he had been on it - to spy and he had - i was like ok but again this is quite a fresh new thing am i expecting him to come off the site even if we arent exclusive and its only been a month and we havent even said i love you lol

I dont know what to expect really is my question , actually is it bad news he does this ?

Yea same guy from november

Yea same guy from november

This is what you wrote about him in November:

"but now i feel like he hasnt spoken to me at all and he is disgusted and actually i am abit insulted he hasnt wanted to hook up with me again and i guess thats why i wanna punch him(haha not literally just jealous girl talk lol)"...because I guess you found out he was "hooking up" with someone else.

Now you two are dating? Did he stop seeing the other woman?

The other girl got sacked so she no longer works there, it turned out she was an addict and this was interfering with her work :-/

Somehow things changed since then, i messaged him going its not a good idea and after a few days he was like i cant stop thinking about you and cant leave it like this so i gave him a chance.... he has been nice to me but he has never been with anyone longer than a few months and he is 32 im not sure what to make of that

He seems relatively into me , treats me nice and says nice things but the fact behind my back he is doing this is making me think he isnt honest - he says he gets scared of me sometimes as i have a temper and he doesnt like to upset me but i just snap he is a laidback guy he says i am a friendly person lol just i think sometimes i can sound quite fiery when i dont mean too

If you don't want to ask questions cause you feel you won't get the truth, there's absolutely no point in being in a relationship like this.

I think all men lie not just him i dont trust any of them

 

He seems relatively into me , treats me nice and says nice things but the fact behind my back he is doing this is making me think he isnt honest - he says he gets scared of me sometimes as i have a temper and he doesnt like to upset me but i just snap he is a laidback guy he says i am a friendly person lol just i think sometimes i can sound quite fiery when i dont mean too

What? What is all of this referencing and how is it tied to him still being a dating websites? No sarcasm, honest question

I think all men lie not just him i dont trust any of them

For someone who doesn't trust men you sure are trusting enough to stick around....

If you don't want to ask questions cause you feel you won't get the truth, there's absolutely no point in being in a relationship like this.

Totally agree.

Also, for me, it's not even so much that he's still on the site, it's still very early stages.

The issue for me is him telling you he's not, that he's not talking to or seeing other women, and that he would be upset if he discovered you were talking to or seeing other men.

He's lying, and deceptive!

This is unacceptable, automatic dealbreaker!

I think all men lie not just him i dont trust any of them

I think he gave you a very clear picture of his character back in November. You seem to have chosen to believe his words instead of looking at his actions.

If you think he lies, don't continue dating him. Even if he messages you saying he can't stop thinking about you.

OP, dump this * and going forward, set higher standards for yourself.

A man respects you relative to how much you respect yourself.

Which in your case doesn't sound like very much, otherwise you'd never tolerate this bs, based on this and other thread.

Get help with your trust issues.

If you don't trust men, there is no point in getting involved with them, casual, serious or somewhere in between.

You create your own experiences.

Wait, so he's seeing you, and he was seeing someone else at work too?

I havent asked if he is on a dating site but yes im going to have to stop seeing him i think before i get feelings involved i feel hurt and upset that he is on dating sites when he is sleeping with me, why do all men never just want the one girl anymore and why do they always have to want more

He is chatting bs to me it seems i didnt think he was like this and its really upsetting

Not all men are unfaithful, disloyal and not to be trusted. Yes, it is a common practice nowadays to stay on dating apps at the beginning of dating someone. However, it things looks hopeful, a guy shouldn't lie about it or about anything else, telling you bullsh*t, dating other women and denying it. Go find a man who doesn't do it (there are plenty) and don't give a second look to guys who lied to you once.

It sounds like you both understand that this is just casual dating. You got back on dating apps too. If you are interested in exclusive dating make it clear beforehand. He's not "lying to you" anymore than you are "lying to him" when you rejoined the dating app secretly and "found him".

I have been out with him now on a few occasions dinner/drinks and then i stay over at his...I recently however joined back on dating sites and he was on them and active.

I did it knowing he was on them, so i thought i would too

 

I just dont like the fact he is lying to me makes me feel sad :(

 

The fact he logs onto the dating site when he has been initmate with me doesnt make me feel good

Then why is your profile hidden on one of them?

Don't have sex outside of a committed relationship if you feel this way.

Each is free to do as they wish. Casual dating is another word for FWB.

Yes i would probably say we are not committed as its only been a month or so, he was pretty heavy in the beginning him always wanting me to meet his mum and friends and he even admitted himself he was coming onto strong and he felt me backing away abit, im just confused i think because on friday i ended up getting drunk he has gone off me as i was sick in the morning - which i never do he said it was fine and not to worry just feel abit embarrased as he lives at home and his family could hear (another thing where i dont feel comftable)

Anyways on friday he said did i wanna meet up on saturday too - he had his friends birthday that he would show his face for but then after he would meet me and i said sure but then i changed my mind the next day as i didnt feel up to it and when he asked what i was doing i said i would be going round a friends house (i wasnt i was tired) then later on he messaged saying he got home from his friends birthday and asked how my night was and i said it was fine and that i was tired and i would sleep well tonight, i did ask him a question before that which he ignored and its been left at that and no message or phonecall today which i find weird?? He always initates conversation 9 times out of 10 but i feel like something had changed

Sarah, what was that post? Are you asking for advice or using this board as a journal? I ask because you've not listened to any of the people who have taken the time to thoughtfully give you their opinions and advice.

You said you don't trust any man but youre ignoring the red flags of an incredibly shady guy and are going to birthday parties with him.

How old are you? Serious question.