Cheating? Or just not into me anymore?

I’ve been with my husband for 13 years (married for 3) with 3 young children. We don’t have sex anymore, he is often late from work with his excuse usually being that he lost track of time. How can u say you’re on your way home then not answer your phone for 2 hours is beyond me. I could cry in front of him and he wouldn’t notice as he doesn’t really look at me. Does he hate me or is he cheating? I don’t know anything anymore

He is checked out, that's for sure.

You don't provide enough information to guess if he hates you or if he's seeing someone else, though. How long has this been going on? Is there any history of infidelity? What type of work does he do that requires him to regularly work late?

He has emotionally and physically detached from you.

When one partner detaches, the other is left hurt and confused.

Maybe he's just avoiding home because he doesn't feel comfortable.

Maybe he's cheating. Are you fighting a lot when he's home?

Have you sought counseling?

We tried counceling a while back. Apparently we were a lovely couple and had to learn how to water our lawn lol. We were never able to crack the surface to get to all the hurt. 13 years together. It hasn’t been smooth. I’m not perfect. He’s not perfect. But he just doesn’t listen to me. Isn’t interested in how I feel. Always late from work without any communication. If he has done something wrong and I’m upset he gets ty at me for being upset and will ignore me until the next day. It’s a lose lose situation. I’m unheard. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I have all these things have happened that I need to share to validate my stance on them. I’m desperate. I have no one to talk to

You need to consider whether you can actually stay married to this man. He sounds very uninterested in making this work.

Sorry. To answer your questions.......He is a boilermaker. Most tradies have set hours unless they work for themselves, which he doesn’t. Usual hours are supposed to be 7am start (at the latest) and 5:00pm. I’m not unreasonable, I understand he needs to work and on occasion expect there may be overtime. But for 3 years he’s been promising me he’ll be home on time and it rarely happens. There’s always an excuse. Bad traffic, boss wanted a chat, lost track of time.

No real history of cheating. Early on when we were in our late teens/early 20’s there was some slack moves on his part. Was around 10 years ago so I’ve put that behind me. Our wedding day 3 years ago. I realised I left my primer at home so I went home to get it. He was supposed to be at the venue to start setting up by that point so you could imagine my surprise to see his car in the driveway. I walked into our bathroom where I found him on the toilet pleasuring himself to porn on his phone. My biggest regret was going through with the wedding. There were people that had flown from overseas to be there and my father told me to let it go so I got married. Should have at least postponed it. I don’t even know what I’m rambling about. Sorry lol

I knew a guy that would do everything under the sun not to go home. Set up after work activities, you name it. He wasn't cheating but he definitely hated his wife and they got divorced eventually. I wouldn't assume he's cheating, especially if he has a job with wierd hours, I also wouldn't assume he hated you, but, you got a crap counselor and need to find a new one. Just because the last one didn't work doesn't mean this one wont.

It seems to me that you have all the signs of a cheater. Unexplained absence is one of the best signs and add that to the fact you haven't had sex and it looks like a pretty good indication. It is time for a heart to heart conversation and may start thinking what you would do if you had to move forward. It's not an easy decision for a woman with three children. Marital counseling might also help.