Highs and lows

I remember a doctor I work with once telling me that if I wasn't fighting regularly in a relationship then there was something more wrong than us never fighting which has kind of stuck with me.

I had bought my bf tickets for Christmas to go to a football game which he loves and stay overnight. He mentioned a couple weeks after I bought them that him and his buddy were going to that exact game so I bit my tongue and sold them not wanting to ruin his fun. I later found out that it's his buddy and some of there other friends (male and female) going on a bus down together. I was quite upset that it wasn't mentioned to me or asked if I wanted to join. His buddy and him have been friends for 15 years and he has recently joined a soccer team where his buddies sister (few years older) is on so they are all getting friendly. The other week he mentioned that him and his buddies sister were going to the dog park the next morning and i was a little drastic. But he has never hung out with her one on one so even though they have known each other for years, I didn't see the need for him to do that? He hangs out one on one with other female friends and I have no qualms about it. She is also going to the football game.

So I bit the bullet and bought soccer playoff tickets, wicked seats for end of November cost a bit of money but I was so excited. I told him and he doesn't want to go? He said it's too much money for what it is and it will be cold outside and he hasn't made an indication that he wanted to go. Even though we have been to 2 games this year and he has gone with his buddies once so I thought it would be great.

I am just overly upset about his entire situation and I feel like now we can't stop arguing about everything. What do you guys think? Am i being ridiculous? Should I sell these tickets? Should I be worried?

xo.

Sell the tickets or if you can get a new boyfriend before the game, take him. Your b/f is rude and insensitive and he didn't even have the courtesy to ask you to go on that bus to that game when there are other women going.

That doctor was taking a **** through his mouth.

But regarding your issue, why are you fixed on buying him tickets he can't use on his own time? Seems like getting burned on the tickets you bought before should have given you a heads up to switch it up. While I'd have a lot more tact than him about it, I absolutely hate gifts and surprises I can't use on my own terms. Even if it's something I'd otherwise love to do or see. Admittedly, I might be on the more extreme end of it, but it's sounding like he feels similarly.

It's somewhat immature to just bite your tongue. He KNEW you bought tickets (although he may have forgotten) - what's the harm in saying something?

THAT is why the doctor said what he said. Not fighting indicates couples are doing what you did instead of having conversations.

Should you be worried that your bf is suddenly not inviting you along to a big group event or that he is suddenly going to a dog park with some girl? Yeah, it doesn't look good to say the least.

Above aside, I agree with mustlovedogs, that you need to stop biting your tongue, stop picking passive aggressive fights with each other and actually start communicating and having real conversations about what you two are doing.

As for the tickets......why did you buy them? Is there some special occasion for that or are you just worried that the two of you are drifting and are trying to throw darts in the dark trying to salvage things and reconnect?

I think the doctor may have been poorly paraphrasing a quote:

Just because a couple fights, doesn't mean they don't love each other. Just because a couple doesn't fight, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

Basically, fighting or a lack thereof isn't an indication of love. That's all.

I agree though - your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a jerk...and it sounds like you need to sit down and have a straightforward conversation about what is going on in your lives and how you're feeling.

THAT is why the doctor said what he said. Not fighting indicates couples are doing what you did instead of having conversations.

^ This. I get ticked when I read about people trying to be the "cool" partner and then come on here and complain to us that can't possibly do anything tangible to make things right. Start saying your mind(s) for goodness sakes and learn to do so without whining. Honest communication is how conflict is resolved and (hopefully) the same issue isn't repeated.

I'm still waiting to see what his excuse was as to why would he not invite you along on a co-ed bus trip to see the game?