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Thread: Pretty sure he's the one... just one problem

  1. #1
    CN367's Avatar
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    Pretty sure he's the one... just one problem

    Ive been dating this man and everything is going really smoothly. I feel like I would like to make it official eventually and he feels the same way.

    Theres just one problem.... I contracted hsv-1 in June and im very scared this may be a deal breaker. We have been on three dates so far and we havent talked about sexuality yet. Im not sure how or when I should bring it up...

    Any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So I'm not all that well versed but HSV-1 it's like cold sores right?

    It's super early, too early to know if he's 'the one' but I'd deffinetely tell him before anything sexual happened, including kissing if it is the cold sore one. he has a right to know.

    Are you the poster that didn't tell the guy until after you slept together?

  3. #3
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    Yes, HSV-1 is the "cold sore" one. It's estimated that over 70% of people are HSV-1 positive. I am actually. If you've ever had chicken pox, you are very likely HSV-1 positive. In many cases, such as mine, there are never any outward signs. In fact, I found out when I had an extensive STD screen, as I was particularly looking for HSV-2, as I had been exposed to that. I was negative for 2, but positive for 1.

    Sure, you could tell him, but it's really not a big deal. Here's the only thing: if you do get a cold sore, and you perform oral sex, you can give him herpes sores on his penis. This would technically be herpes, but it would be HSV-1 vs. HSV-2. I would for sure tell him then.

    To put your mind at rest, do a google search on HSV-1. It's the virus that your body gets during chicken pox. Once you're over the chicken pox, your body holds a small amount of its virus forever, and builds up antibodies to surround the virus, to prevent you from ever getting it again. This is how vaccines work, and it's the reason you'll likely never get chicken pox again. So, because the antibodies are always there, you'll always test positive for them.

    This is why HSV-1 is so common.

  4. #4
    CN367's Avatar
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    No im definately telling him beforehand. And thats a ways away yet. And yeah too early for the one thing but i have a good feeling about it is all

    As for the cold sore part i get outbreaks "down there". Its not as easily transmitted to men as it is to women and condoms dont completely protect it I believe. However there are ways to manage it . Im just worried itll ruin it i have a lot of anxiety about "the talk".

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  6. #5
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    Ok, we cross-posted. So you do have HSV-1 "down there".

    How do you know it's 1 vs. 2?

  7. #6
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    @LHGirl Hsv-1 is not only cold sores near the mouth, it is less frequent but can also locate in the genital area... its actually super painful the first outbreak. And the rest not so bad however ive gotten quite a few and im debating going on suppressive therapy like my doctor suggested.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You need to be very straight forward with him and to let him know that you will have outbreaks and you won't be able to have sex without condoms...ever. And there is no cure.

    It's only right that he has all the facts so he can make an informed decision on whether he is okay to stay in a relationship with you or not.

    I am not trying to be harsh but I believe that it's only right to be as honest as possible.

    And truthfully, you need to tell him as soon as you start getting more intimate and way way before sex is even on the table.

  9. #8
    CN367's Avatar
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    I got diagnosed with hsv-1 from my doctor he took a swab from my first outbreak.

  10. #9
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    I know what genital HSV-1 outbreaks are.

    Again: how do you know it's 1 vs. 2?

  11. #10
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    Ok, you did get confirmation. I'd definitely tell him, and abstain from sex when you are prodromal, and obviously also during outbreaks.

    ETA: Prodromal is the tingly feeling you get at the site of the sore, just prior to outbreak. You will be experiencing viral shedding, and you are contagious then, even if the sire has not erupted.

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