I have objects from my past...now what do i do?

Hello,

I posted a long time ago about some abuse that I underwent as a child in my family with my mother. She passed away a few years ago, and my now estranged sister gave me all of my stuff that she had as a child, report cards, confirmation, my father's high school diploma, a newspaper clipping of my grandfather in WW 2.

The thing is that..since then I have changed my name. Due to the abuse and the constant lies, I found out that she named me after a relative on my father's side. He has nothing to do with me, and has disowned me through no fault on my own, but because my mom was crazy and stalking him as well as harassing him in court, he didn't want to have anything to do with us. So not only did she run my real father off, who will now have nothing to do with me, but she also abused me the whole time i was there growing up.

I have all this stuff from when I was a kid, it doesn't make me feel bad to see it, but I have since changed my name to something that I find more pleasing since my grandmother took me in as a teen and unofficially adopted me. I picked a name that I liked and something that I figured that she would give me, and it works. I tried to fix things with my one and only sibling, but she was around my mother too long, and the constant abuse took its toll and now she acts like her as well.

I found out later on that my family knew that she was like that, and did nothing to stop it. I disowned my entire family, which wasn't hard since they never try to keep in touch(though i try, countless times) and I got tired of being the one always reaching out and trying to maintain communication when it was obvious that they were not even trying. So that is the back story...the question now is..what do I do with this stuff? Keep it? Throw it away? I am kinda torn on this.

Personally, I would keep it if it doesn't make you feel bad to see it. Stick it in a box in the basement or in a closet.

You don't say how old you are? Are you of the age to have children? Your future children (or nieces and nephews or whatever) may be interested in it one day. It's documentation and artifacts on who you are - and all of those things led to who you are today.

I'd keep the clipping of the grandfather and chuck the rest. Who needs old report cards and confirmation papers. As long as you have a birth certificate and passport you don't need to keep any of that. Be careful of the confirmation though because you'll need it if you don't have a record of birth or a passport. The high school diploma may come in handy if you don't have a very long work history under your belt.

I say keep it, put it in a box and put it away somewhere. One day you may be able to look at it and feel differently about it. Your kids, if you have any, may like to see it. At least keep old family photos etc. I have report cards and stuff from when I was a kid and every now and again I come across it and am glad to be able to sit down and look at all of it. I didnt have the best childhood either but this stuff doesnt make me feel bad or sad, it actually makes me happy to read thru it all.

My mother (who I'm NC with) gave me all of my childhood memorabilia. My first shoes, 1st birthday cards from long-dead relatives, favourite toys .. (the kind of stuff a mother should want to keep; but I digress).

For years these boxes were a weight on my mind and taking up room in my garage. Last time I moved house, I was brave, and went through the boxes. I had 2 rules: 1) keep anything that may be of interest to future family generations, 2) it has to all fit in a shoebox.

I hope this helps x

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I have decided to keep some things, and chunk the rest. The reason that I am having such an issue with this, is because part of me changed my name to leave this whole ugly life behind. I don't plan to ever tell anyone later on, kids, wife etc, that my name was changed as it opens up a whole can of worms and I would just rather not to discuss this with this. I just want to put it behind and come to terms with it, as in it is what it is, and then bury it.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

I have decided to keep some things, and chunk the rest. The reason that I am having such an issue with this, is because part of me changed my name to leave this whole ugly life behind. I don't plan to ever tell anyone later on, kids, wife etc, that my name was changed as it opens up a whole can of worms and I would just rather not to discuss this with this. I just want to put it behind and come to terms with it, as in it is what it is, and then bury it.

You may not feel ready now, but as you move forward I'd consider making it my private goal to view my recovery from my past as a badge of honor rather than a can of worms. This will prevent you from basing your most loving, intimate relationships on the foundation of 'hiding a secret' from them. You can render that unnecessary by viewing your name change as something positive and pleasurable you moved 'toward' rather than as something lousy you're covering over. That's a healthy foundation that you don't need to dwell on, but won't feel necessarily secretive about, either.

Making secrets out of anything that's not criminal only makes you feel criminal, which is the opposite of what you're aspiring toward when building new relationships and a family of your own. While you may view the objects of your past as irrelevant, they could otherwise offer rich pieces of 'you' to your offspring to whom you can reveal as much or as little of your history as you WILL wish THEN rather than now.

Maturity has a way of securing us in the core we've built with our own mind and values and accomplishments over time. You can't predict today how you may come to regard the strides you've made through autonomy and toward a bonding with loving and accepting people over time. Your future wife and her family may open your thinking about ancestry and genealogy beyond the sickest aspects to which to were exposed to a neutral or even encouraging perspective that wouldn't position you to withhold and suppress the most bareboned facts of simple boxes on a family tree.

Neutrality can count, at the very least, toward an absence of hostility and toxicity, while inventing a burden of secrecy may force a repressive buildup that only harms your own stomach lining and blood pressure and conscience for no productive reason and zero gain.

You don't need to decide about any of this now, but you can certainly shelve the belongings and reconsider the idea of secrecy at another time. A name change can be as emotionally UNcharged as you wish it to be, and when you can align with that confidently, you won't need to create a mystery that you'll only knock yourself out to keep hidden--which will only amplify its importance and impacts on your life. I'd skip that, embrace my new name as a chosen one, and consider your reasons for that to be a move toward pleasure rather than away from pain.

Head high.