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Thread: His "Lesbian friend" that isn't a Lesbian

  1. #1
    Member Jenny00's Avatar
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    His "Lesbian friend" that isn't a Lesbian

    Okay so... my boyfriend had this friend which he used to hook up with a while back before me and him started dating, they were friends and told eachother things but only hooked up once or twice. She never really bothered me, especially since they kind of lost contact at the start of our relationship cause she got back with her boyfriend and became pregnant.

    Throughout the one year that me and my boyfriend are together she contacted him maybe twice just trying to open up to him cause her boyfriend left her and she was looking for attention basically. It kind of irritated me at the time cause I seen a pattern.

    Anyway fast forward to tonight, my boyfriend asked me to Google something for him on his phone (my phone was in another room ) and a message from her appeared so I just asked him out of curiosity if they are talking again. He briefly explained to me that she only contacted him to catch up etc. He told me some things they talked about and basically, she contacted him out of the blue asking how he was and straight up told him about the break up with her boyfriend and how she now has to deal with her child alone and how she doesn't know how to deal with it and stuff like that without him even asking at all. She then started to apologise about how badly she treated him etc (she did that each time). Anyway, she continued to blabber on about how bad her life is until my boyfriend let the conversation die.

    Now, I trust my boyfriend and I know he would have nothing to do with her now. But what annoys me is just the patter that she is creating here, it's almost as if she was looking for attention now that she is single. It wouldn't even bother me if she contacted him from time to time just to see how things, but the fact she only does it the moment her and her boyfriend split is what's making me uncomfortable. Am I over thinking this?
    Thanks to everyone for your replies

  2. #2
    Member Jenny00's Avatar
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    Oh I forgot to mention, he basically told me that she is like his lesbian friend and that I shouldn't be worried about this. What a stupid comparison but I guess that was his way of trying to comfort me, but she is I'm no way gay and it only irritated me more omg, I really dont know what to think

  3. #3
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    Your never going to be able to control who hits on your bf, just like he's never going to be able to control who hits on you.

    All that matters is whether you trust him or not.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Agree with above that you can't control who is trying to hit on him and how. That said, doesn't seem like your bf is encouraging this situation. He was basically being a decent human being, listened to her for a bit and then faded out of the convo as most people would. He is not running off to her rescue and you should focus on that. Don't get so threatened and insecure about her that he starts to think that maybe there is more value to her than he realizes and gets curious.

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  6. #5
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    She is not like his lesbian friend -- she is an ex lover. I could understand "like a sister" if he never slept with her and grew up with her...but anyway...

    I think your boyfriend has porous boundaries. If a woman is contacting him every time she has trouble with her boyfriend - then he needs to be vigilant and either not answer her back or redirect her -- to tell her "i am sorry that you are going through that -- why not check into counseling/check out resources" "i am sure you will do fine with your son/daughter." or something else to take the hint. people can get involved in emotionally affairs before they can turn around when they are used as a shoulder. He has to back out of the shoulder/rescuer situation - she is not a friend to him, btw, if she disappears when she has a boyfriend and reappears when she is on the rocks. She is an ex lover who is biding her time

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    btw, telling you she was like a lesbian friend was an insult to your intelligence

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    He's trying to throw you off guard, and unless you call him out on it, it's working. On the other hand, he's a terrible liar.

    I'd walk...

  9. #8
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    He has a responsibility to shut her down, and he doesn't. I'd probably break up too. Find someone who doesn't have questionable boundaries.

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    He is saying she is like a "lesbian friend" to throw you off any suspicions you have! Also he is probably trying to convince himself she is only a friend! Honestly they hooked up in the past they shouldn't be talking at all I would be mad as well!

  11. #10
    Member Jenny00's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for everyone's reply, it definitely gave me something to think about.

    I trust my boyfriend entirely, and we both love eachother very much so there is no chance of a break up over something like this. It's not him I'm worried about, it's her, I'm worried incase this becomes a routine and she tries even harder to get his attention. Now my boyfriend let me see the messages and he was only trying to be helpful, he was quite dry and straight forward in his replies to her. I wouldn't call her an ex lover, they were close friends and only hooked up twice while drunk, nothing else romantic between them.

    All I'm worried about is her and her obsessive behaviour and how it may impact me as I get extremely jealous, but I feel confident in that my boyfriend wouldnt act on anything ever.

    Thanks so much to everyone for their replies again!!

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