Growing pains or red flags?

Hey guys,

So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, but more recently I moved to another city for a job. I recently graduated from college and got a job in my field. Obviously because I am posting this in the LDR forum, he stayed in my hometown and I moved here alone. His reason for staying is that he is just starting university, which I completely understand and I support him 100%.

Here's the issue, he has never been a great communicator. The best way to resolve any issues we've had has always been to talk face to face about it because when I try to bring up something that is bothering me over the phone he often just completely shuts down (literally doesn't say anything at all aside from "I don't know what to say"). This whole thing is obviously not working in this dynamic and I'm finding myself really lonely and unhappy. I have always felt that he was "the one" or whatever, but this is throwing some major wrenches at us.

I know I need to give him time to adjust to being in school as well as us being apart, but I'm starting to worry that we are just in two different places in our lives.

Has anyone else had these issues? Any advice about how to make this work would be so appreciated! The complexity of LDRs is really overwhelming

I'd have to know more about the relationship to give you any advice. How did you meet? What have you guys been doing the last 3 years? Do you argue? Did you go out? Have you had sex with him? Were you both at college? What is he doing now that you've left? Does he care about you? Etc. There are many reasons why he has nothing to say to you.

It depends on the problems you're trying to discuss. Sometime there legit is an issue of "there's nothing I can really do / say." What kind of discussions are you trying to have?

It's anytime I say anything that's negative about our relationship, doesn't matter what it is, he has nothing to say.

We meet at a coffee shop, and have been going steady since then. We didn't usually argue much, about once or twice every 3 or 4 months probably; but it feels constant since I moved.

He is just starting university, and no we both weren't in college. He has been working and I was a student. Yeah sex is a thing that's happened, since like the second date lol

I've never doubted that he cares, I know he does a lot, when we were in the same city we saw each other at least 3 times a week and he has always taken really amazing care of me.

LDRs are tough, particularly when they start differently. However communication is essential.

Have you considered video Skyping? Are you too far to make it a date to meet once every 2-4 weeks?

What exactly are the issues?

LDRs are tough, particularly when they start differently. However communication is essential.

 

Have you considered video Skyping? Are you too far to make it a date to meet once every 2-4 weeks?

We do, but he doesn't really make time for it so we only skype like once a month. We are about 20 hours apart driving, so sadly now, I will be seeing him once every three or four months.

It's anytime I say anything that's negative about our relationship, doesn't matter what it is, he has nothing to say.

Yes, what is it you bring up that he has nothing to say about? You're not communicating to us what is causing you to say negative things about your relationship.

We do, but he doesn't really make time for it so we only skype like once a month. We are about 20 hours apart driving, so sadly now, I will be seeing him once every three or four months.

Can you not fly to see one another?

It's anytime I say anything that's negative about our relationship, doesn't matter what it is, he has nothing to say.

And what negative things are you saying about the relationship?

Are you constantly trying to have a "talk" about your relationship rather than planning your next meetup, talking about eachother's days, etc. There is a difference between having a relationship and talking about it.

Are there any plans for one of you to move to be closer?