What do you think led to be being this way toward someone who is sad?

I want to change and get better at showing concern for someone's feelings when I notice they are not their normal self. What happens is once I see a change of mood in a coworker's, family or friend's face, I just say to myself......"looks like they are in a bad mood so let me talk to someone else"

I am supposed to ask....."what's wrong? And I noticed I never ever ask someone that question when I noticed they have a sad look. How do you think I became this type of person? It's like I always expect someone to be in a pleasant mood every time I am around them or I just don't say anything to the person.

I am single but I know I can't be this way if I am in a relationship with someone.

Actually, I don't think you should ask people "what's wrong" just because they look flat, concerned or tired. It is actually a bit rude to imply that something is wrong if they feel fine but just preoccupied with some private thought or concern. Since you don't know how they are feeling, you shouldn't presume that something is wrong and put them in the position of having to defend or explain themselves. It's like saying to someone "You look tired" - what if they got plenty of sleep and thought they looked fine/normal today? You're then just telling them they don't look themselves and causing them to feel insecure. Don't do that. By asking people "what's wrong" it's creating the expectation that they should look happy, and if they don't, there must be something wrong

If someone seems very withdrawn and sullen/upset, you could ask "How are you feeling today?" because it doesn't imply anything and could simply be a kind gesture.

But otherwise, just let people be themselves. Don't interfere. They will come to you if they want your help/opinion on something

Actually, I don't think you should ask people "what's wrong" just because they look flat, concerned or tired. It is actually a bit rude to imply that something is wrong if they feel fine but just preoccupied with some private thought or concern. Since you don't know how they are feeling, you shouldn't presume that something is wrong and put them in the position of having to defend or explain themselves. It's like saying to someone "You look tired" - what if they got plenty of sleep and thought they looked fine/normal today? You're then just telling them they don't look themselves and causing them to feel insecure. Don't do that. By asking people "what's wrong" it's creating the expectation that they should look happy, and if they don't, there must be something wrong

 

If someone seems very withdrawn and sullen/upset, you could ask "How are you feeling today?" because it doesn't imply anything and could simply be a kind gesture.

 

But otherwise, just let people be themselves. Don't interfere. They will come to you if they want your help/opinion on something

A few weeks ago I was on a family trip that did not end well because all of a sudden my cousin was looking upset but I never asked what her problem was that night. I just stopped talking to her that sunday and monday and once we arrived home we just went our separate ways.

Then I was thinking should I have asked her what was wrong after being in a good mood on friday and saturday? It kind of ruined the remaining days of the trip

So it sounds like you don't actually care what's wrong so even if you asked it would become pretty clear that you didn't care. If it is someone you are close with and you know they like to be asked how they're doing, then ask. If it's someone you're not close with, then unless they look like they are in physical pain or having a true emergency or crisis, simply interact as you would normally but certainly don't avoid the person unless that person looks like she wants to be left alone -meaning if that person sees a look on your face of "uh oh, better ignore her/him" that's not good either.

If you always expect someone to be in a good mood then it is going to be challenging to be in a relationship. Often if my husband seems to be in a bad mood I give him space -not because I don't want to deal with him but because I think that's what he would like me to do, and also because if he is feeling sad or stressed he usually tells me -maybe not at the very moment he feels that way but later that day/evening.

So it sounds like you don't actually care what's wrong so even if you asked it would become pretty clear that you didn't care. If it is someone you are close with and you know they like to be asked how they're doing, then ask. If it's someone you're not close with, then unless they look like they are in physical pain or having a true emergency or crisis, simply interact as you would normally but certainly don't avoid the person unless that person looks like she wants to be left alone -meaning if that person sees a look on your face of "uh oh, better ignore her/him" that's not good either.

 

If you always expect someone to be in a good mood then it is going to be challenging to be in a relationship. Often if my husband seems to be in a bad mood I give him space -not because I don't want to deal with him but because I think that's what he would like me to do, and also because if he is feeling sad or stressed he usually tells me -maybe not at the very moment he feels that way but later that day/evening.

My social skills are not as bad as they used to be about 10 years ago but still need some work. I am a lot better on dates and just want to be a lot better overall when having a social interaction. I suffer from social anxiety sometimes when I am in public and start to sweat in congested areas. That's why whenever I meet a woman from a dating site I always suggest meeting in quiet calm areas lol

My social skills are not as bad as they used to be about 10 years ago but still need some work. I am a lot better on dates and just want to be a lot better overall when having a social interaction. I suffer from social anxiety sometimes when I am in public and start to sweat in congested areas. That's why whenever I meet a woman from a dating site I always suggest meeting in quiet calm areas lol

Yes, so if you feel awkward around someone who looks sad/upset ask yourself what you would want someone to do if you looked sad or upset (barring emergencies/crises of course!) - and do that. It really depends on context/timing/how you know the person. It's not as much about social skills as it is about feeling empathy towards someone who seems to be hurting.

Yes, so if you feel awkward around someone who looks sad/upset ask yourself what you would want someone to do if you looked sad or upset (barring emergencies/crises of course!) - and do that. It really depends on context/timing/how you know the person. It's not as much about social skills as it is about feeling empathy towards someone who seems to be hurting.

why do you feel I am unable to feel empathy toward someone who seems to be hurting?

A few weeks ago I was on a family trip that did not end well because all of a sudden my cousin was looking upset but I never asked what her problem was that night. I just stopped talking to her that sunday and monday and once we arrived home we just went our separate ways.

 

Then I was thinking should I have asked her what was wrong after being in a good mood on friday and saturday? It kind of ruined the remaining days of the trip

When I see someone looking upset I will ask if they are okay and if they need/want anything from me. -If- I want to engage. Sometimes I don't want to get into it with a person so I just give them space.

why do you feel I am unable to feel empathy toward someone who seems to be hurting?

That is something I wouldn't even begin to know how to answer other than to say it depends who the person is - and whether you have information about why they might be hurting, and what your relationship is to the person, etc. What have you done to find out the answer?

It's context sensitive. Depending on how well I know the person or how upset they appear, I may say, "Would you like to take a walk with me?" and then I'll walk with them silently and let them tell me whatever they're inclined to say.

If I don't know a person well, I won't avoid them, I will simply engage with them naturally and without putting them on the spot. Sometimes this can help people to 'nomalize' if they're inclined to do so.

I'll never be so abrupt as to question, 'What's wrong?' unless someone is in obvious distress and appears to be trying to tell me anyway.

I can have a resting b__h face when I'm thinking hard about something. Please, for the love of God, don't start asking people "what's wrong" if they look tired, annoyed, angry, or serious. It's obnoxious, not empathetic.

I personally don't ask anyone what's wrong unless they are actually crying/in overt emotional distress. And even sometimes then, I don't if they are being comforted by someone else already.