Currently seperated considering divorce

I met my husband online via a christian dating website. We married about 6 moths later. He always displayed signs of jealousy but I saw it sweet and enduring. I would say from day one of marriage he has has developed an even deeper jealousy due to his past relationships and the fact that his mum cheated on his dad. He accuses me of flirting or even sleeping with any man or colleagues he sees me talking to. And I can truly and honestly say I am just a friendly person and would not even consider cheating. Whilst I was pregnant I discovered he was exchanging flirtatious Facebook messages with women and pictures of women in bikinis on his phone. He is the one clearly with the problem. He was more upset that I was 'snooping' in his phone than the actual content. We had a long talk about it, I made it clear it was unacceptable. He said he reason why he flirted was because I had a hard pregnancy and wasn't giving him the attention he needed. This was bizarre as I was very sick and didn't have the energy!

 

He even accused me of flirting with men on the phone....I was housebound for a good 3 months! Yes I was always on my phone out of boredom and would be quite happy for him to sit next to me and see all my activities. He never did just ongoing accusations.

 

After the baby the accusations didn't stop. He even accused me the day after baby was born!

 

A few months He even sent threatening messages to my ex husband and also send messages to my ex husbands currently wife that we were still f***ing. I was ultimately embarrassed and shock. I broke down in tears. The messages casused issues in my exhusbands current relationship. My ex lives in another country and always had done!! So its really bizzare. Can I please add thats hes never seen us together or secret conversations or anything like that. My husband seems to be very imaginative, I've never met such a person like this in my life. Present the evidence to me and let me defend myself, but he never has anything just what he thinks maybe happening.

 

I have a son from my previous marriage and this grudge for my ex - husband seems to be filtering through to my son. Nothing harsh, my husband still pretty good with him most of the time.

 

I've not really enjoyed my 4yrs of marriage.

 

The icing on the cake was two weeks ago. Out or rage he beat me up quite bad. That was the last straw. We've now been seperated for a few months.

 

As a Christian I really do value marriage and what it stands for I just feel I've been really unlucky or made stupid and hasty decisions. I'm trying to avoid divorce because this would be the second time! I'm worried about the kids and the stigma attached to being divorced multiple times. My friends advice on praying, I do pray at times but it I can't help feel my case is hopeless. How can I get it wrong again 😕

This is not a marriage made by God.

 

Next time - and I do advise you to leave this man - listen. Make sure there is enough peace within you that you can hear God's direction for you. You will need enough quiet inside so that you can discern what is intended for you.

 

Six months of a whirlwind courtship, from stranger (not even friends of friends!) to marriage is no time at all. You were not a peace but rather. full of excitement and wonder. That is a sign that you were moved too quickly and let him and the rush of the crush govern you.

 

This is unhealthy for you and your son. God would not require you to silence yourself. He gave you a voice for a reason. The right relationship will allow each of you to blossom.

 

I am sorry for your pain. you will need to act in your own best interests to correct this mistake. Otherwise, the pain will become worse. God did not put you here, you did. You will have to get yourself out.

God does not require you to be abused. Yes, I am a Christian very devoted to the sacrament of marriage. Leave for

good. If your spouse is an abuser then that is not a valid marriage . And if your church has annulment I would go for that.

Thanks IamFCA and Seraphim, the advice has definetly given me food for thought.

Out of rage he beat me up quite bad. That was the last straw. We've now been seperated for a few months.

 

This is a classic abuse pattern. Wooing you, making you think you're the most amazing woman on the planet, then slowly picking away at you until you feel worthless, then the physical abuse starts. All the while, isolating you from anyone you would come in contact with, and accusing you of jealousy, so you feel you can't even look in the direction of another human being.

 

Did you get bruises, bloody, etc.? Did you take any photos? Did you go to the police?

 

If not, please go ahead and file a police report, so this will be on record. And stay......AWAY.

How can I get it wrong again

Well, you moved in with a man you didn't even know, you're lucky he's not a pedophile on top of the abusive waste of breath that he is. A person is still a stranger at the six month mark.

 

Please do not worry about saving face and just get the help you need to keep you from needing to jump from one relationship right into another and to find out why you would marry a man that had shown you, prior to marriage, that he was issued with all this unfounded jealousy. The fact he beat you and you're here wondering if you should you go back to him and worrying about damaging your children through divorce instead of keeping them safe from someone like him is telling.

 

Please consider therapy for all of you as a family (NOT with your husband of course) if you are concerned about how they will handle another breakup.

Please do not date or become involved with anyone right now or in the near future. Keep your children safe by not introducing any men into their lives until you've dated for at least a year and it's clear that he is a good man with whom a happy future together is likely.

 

Do have him charged because not to charge him means he will likely do this to another woman in his future. At least if he has a record, a background check will save his next victim if she is cognizant enough to do a check on him.

 

Stay gone, you can do it.

Adding a link:

 

 

 

Please read through the site, Brownie. Hopefully it will help knowing that there is support out there for you and your son.

Yes I know I was very stupid to rush after only 6mths but I had been in a relationship previously for 4 yrs before marriage that ended badly. I waited many years before remarrying and really felt it was right. But I have prayed and decided to focus on my two kids now. I'm exhausted with men I don't have the energy anymore.

 

And yes I have pressed charges.

Thanks so much. This link was very useful!

very sorry you are going through this. The fact that he beat you up means it is done. Don't worry about the number of divorces you had. You need to protect yourself and your kids.

I really appreciate the replies. That's really helped wipe my tears and look onwards. Thank you so much❤