Sad and scared about deteriorating friendship circle

Backstory: my bf and I are generally happy, pleasant, inclusive people. We can be abrasive and grumpy too, and a bit intense, but generally we're easy going and have a balanced lifestyle; gym, socializing, hobbies, work, etc...

We have a social scene at this pub where we live; my bf knows a lot of people from years ago and I worked there for 6 months whilst getting on my feet and got to know everyone there. I loved these people at first; they could do no wrong in my eyes. Then the more we hung out with them (twice a week?), the more stuff I saw that upset me. For example, my happy, friendly manager with a young baby and long term gf, who I never expected would, went out cheating on her every weekend, blatantly, dragging girls to parks, etc... then one friend of mine told me what a pill she thought the manager was, whilst in the same breath bragged about sleeping with a married man. One dude got so drunk he accidentally tripped a girl over; she bloodied her face and he didn't even know, he was so plastered. One girl coming up to me telling me my bf has a big d*ck when we first started going out; she thought he hadn't told me they used to have a thing and she was trying to mess with me. Things like that. One dude going from being close to me to completely blanking me out because I wouldn't go out with him. Bearing in mind all these people are in their late 20s to early 30s, and no one is particularly functional in that they are happy, stable and can drink/take drugs in moderation. I'm 22, and I believe in keeping a balance because in the past, I've had a fair bit of trauma and now I really value my stability.

I know you shouldn't judge, but this stuff has sort of crept up on me. My bf says as time has gone on, I'm not hiding my feelings very well about these situations. I'm lonely and sad because I want to have genuine friendships with people, and these people (our town is small, rural and has an enormous drinking/drug culture) don't want to know. Friendships seem to be peripheral to their desire to get f*cked up all the time. I value friendships; I've traveled and worked/lived in other countries and met exceptional people, and I have pretty high standards for how people should treat one another. I just want people to chill with, rather than worry about them doing stuff to me behind my back!

I have done wrong too. The problem is, if I've had a few drinks, I say to some of the group who I feel are closest to me that some of this behaviour isn't stuff I want to see. For example, I'd say "what he does is his business, but I don't want to have to see him putting his hand's down a girl's knickers in the club when I see his wife in the pub the next day"....I guess that stuff must get back to people, because normally, NO ONE TALKS ABOUT ANY OF IT. I also find that insanely weird.

A part of me thinks I'm being too judgemental of these people; a part of me however doesn't want to compromise my values just to alleviate loneliness...I don't mind people getting f*cked up, heck, I like it sometimes too, but there's no moderation here and the stuff that happens is horrible.... for example, one woman who I thought was okay threw herself at my bf when drunk. He firmly pushed her away, and I was left just gaping at her. HER bf was off his face on acid in the car park, spinning around with no clue what had happened. I mean, is it me, or is this not how it should be, surely?

Anyway, it's come to a head. A few of the girls don't like me at the bar...someone texted my bf from an unknown number last night claiming to be one of my friends, claiming he'd given her his number. It sounds trite, but my bf and I are in a very committed, secure relationship so immediately he showed it to me and we both agreed from the spelling and writing style that it must have been a joint effort to mess with us. We haven't been to the bar in over a month now, because I can't handle the agro. I have removed them all from social media and just think the best thing to do is cut them all off. It feels like tensions are ramping up all the time....I feel a bit scared that it's reaching the levels where they would do something like this though.

Honestly I just wanted to get this off my chest

I'm leaving in September for study, and I can't wait to leave. I get worried I'm just going to inspire people's rage wherever I go. I'm so worried for the future.

EDIT I realise what a d*ck I sound; I can't help how I feel, I must be naive or something. I just don't know how to grow up in terms of these situations; I'm very together practically speaking, but in terms of friendships, I'm still confused

Really what you are describing is small town drug and drink culture, and you have even stated that. And this happens in so many different places. Most people don't notice or care because they are deep into the scene, but it is those people looking in from the outside that see how it really is.

As it happens everywhere, it can't really be escaped. I think the major issue is that you are in a small town with few other options.

Here in London it is the same, people get drunk/drugged up and do stupid stuff all the time, but there are just more options for doing stuff outside of that culture.

Hopefully you can just hibernate as best as you can for the next couple of months until you leave for study.

Leaving this dysfunctional place will be great for you. Don't set the same pattern in your new area. When you seek out social groups who enjoy physical activities like hiking, bicycling, kayaking, rock climbing, or things like book discussion groups, or art classes or dance lessons, you might find people are enjoying themselves so much that there is no drama, or less drama. There are other fun things to do in life besides clubbing. Look forward to a new future for yourself, where you evolve and grow the way that's best for yourself. There are always options. Take care.

Am I just a f*cking idiot, though? Surely this could've been avoided. I just want no drama. Does that just mean keep your mouth shut, be smart and don't get involved?

Pochoko.

It is unfortunate that these kinds of low-life, brainless idiots seem to proliferate in certain areas. They have no boundaries, no self-respect and probably not much in the line of upbringing.

You are quite right not to stoop to their level. Glad you are getting away from it all. Good luck!