Tired of selfish

I am so tired of everyone telling me all the cliche excuses to go on like it's not worth it, things will get better, things will change, keep pushing forward and my favorite what about your friends and gamily. What person that claims to love abother would sit by with no answers watchin another in such complete misery and expect them to go on with a life so hurtful. That person has not expirienced no where near the pain and has even said I don't know how you do it all. Then when you say I want to end it they say you will hurt me. They watch a person waiting for change for more than 30 years go through every hurt you can think of then have no answers but the same cliches and have the audacity to say yeah but what about me.

That is telling me not yelling

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What is going on in your life that has brought you to the this place?

All I ever wanted was to be a husband and father, I was told by Dr's that I would never have children. 2 marriages and every relationship ended because they had affairs. I sacrificed the last 10 years to take care of my mom, died in december, and my grandmother, died this month. Everything I pray for and am thankful for I lose in days. I don't want to get into a theological discussion because I was a pastor and know the bible. The pacients of Job, he got angry, so did david, Jeramiah and other great men in the bible. No more faith or hope. I have made every decision based on prayer and faith. When you know God doesn't care then why go on? I have been to both Christian and secular councilors, I have talked to other pastors that have watched my suffering for years. And all anyone can say is I don't have the answers but think of the others you will hurt. That is the most selfish reason I have ever heard

I am really sorry for your losses. Are you in a position where you can take a trip? Like an extended vacation/getaway? Do you have any other goals you would like to accomplish? Sites you would like to see? I certainly don't want to be another cliche talking individual, but maybe getting into a different atmosphere and/or changing your focus would help to clear your mind? Maybe not focusing so much on what has gone wrong, but finding a new passion in life? Again, very, very sorry for your losses and sorry you have found yourself considering this ending. I know you think they are selfish, but it sounds like you do have people who truly care for you. I am sure that they hate to see you suffering; we are so limited in our abilities to help people at times so people say things they believe to be best when they don't know what else to say. I suppose they are doing the best they know how for you, while I'm sure they wish they could do more to heal your pain.

Thank you for responding. I was fortunate enough to have a job that allowed me to see the world, my bucket list is complete. The only thing I truly want is a real relationship and children.

Do you volunteer? I don't know where you are, but maybe you could get involved in something like being a Big Brother, where you could be a mentor to young boys who don't have positive father figures/role models in their lives? I know some young men who really benefited from that program. I know it is not the same as being a biological father, but you would have the opportunity to do activities and add to their lives in some way. Sorry I'm not helpful here.

I did that for a while, he moved and it just broke my heart even more. I have tried everything in the last 30 years, adoptiob, and that is impossible for a single man. I traveled. Just seeing families hurt.

Jedi hugs. I agree, what about me is not incentive to stay on the mortal coil at all when life feels hard enough ending it feels like a viable choice.

All I can say is this feeling will pass and I hope you weather it because along with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune will be moments of happiness and contentment I am sure of it!!

Also that was really really good of you to care for your mum for ten years, that a big chunk of life.

I'm so sorry Gosh I don't know. I know that sometimes the things we want the most seem so unobtainable and waiting is so difficult. I wish I had more advice to offer. The only thing that has helped me (I have never been suicidal but have experienced extreme depression and ptsd after some events in my life) was to work HARD on getting my mind off the things that hurt me. I tried to focus on the good, rather than what I lost/didn't have. I know that is probably more cliche but it really was helpful as I got better at it. One example is that I have some health issues.On days when I can barely walk across the living room without being winded, I try to be thankful that I can hear the birds chirping, feel the breeze, see the flowers, etc. I know how corny that must sound, but over time my focus has gotten better, as has my mood. Little by little, step by step I'm not so bummed all the time. And there are many things I have no control over that I want in life; I do believe some of those things will come but for whatever reason I have to wait. Everything just isn't in alignment yet I guess? I've just shifted my focus so that those things which I have little or no control over don't keep me down (as much or for as long). I know a lady who is blind, so I am thankful that I can see the sun coming through the blinds in the morning. I take a moment to enjoy creation. So cheesy...but things like that have really helped me shift away from all the rubbish.

I don't know, I wish I could be more helpful. I do know that I hope you find your way and that you stick around awhile longer. Awesome that you have had the opportunity to travel the world. I am still waiting for those opportunities. I hope you do believe that your time will come. I would think continuing to stay busy helping others, staying involved helping young men even if it means you have to hurt a bit when they move, grow up, etc., there is always another whose life you could make an impact on. So many in need, you will never run out of people to help. Anyway I'm rambling...

Over 30 years and it has not passed yet

Thank you again, I have just ran out of options after all hurting for over 30 years takes a toll when there is no one that has any real answers. Traveling, volunteering and helping others have had temporary relief when every night you still end up in a fetal position thinking what about me, where is my help. After some point you lose every reason to go on. What makes wanting to die so wrong when in reality it is the only relief. I have spent a fortune on every possible solution from books, Dr's , eating, religion, giving back, supporting others and the list of solution attempts go on and on which has become almost as long as the list of reasons not to go on. The only reason it does not equal is because in every attempt to find the answer there is even more pain. I am so glad that you found your hope, your solution. I have ran out of hope and faith. I think we live because we find a reason to, when there is no reason, then why live? Who is society or even God to say suicide is wrong when neither steps up and offers real help. Sadly, I can prove the existence of God, show you non biblical proof of Jesus and his miracles. So what do you do when all your heart can scream out is what about me and it screams this to God, family and society, then we get back to the same cliches and guilt driven reasons not to just die. Being cliche myself and saying life is unfair and not a rose garden, is understood by us all. However when each day each moment brings something different to add to the overwhelming amount of pain, eventually it becomes to much for one to bare. It's so funny, ironic is a better word, thar those family members that say don't do it will not pick up just one of the stones of burden and help you carry it. There is so much on my shoulders that if one person would say give me that one little piece of the load would be amazing relief. I guess we all have our own problems and to really say let me deal with that for you is too much to hope for. I have asked both friends and family to conquer some of the little dragons and they just don't have the time. Nothing I ask help with is financial, just time. Yet they all have the same statement, you will make it through. Bottom line, in my opinion suicide is a reasonable consideration and should be accepted by those that can offer clichéd answers and guilt driven don't do it when they won't pick up a pebble off the person's back.

Now this may offend many here trying to prevent suicide, but I think it needs to be said.

A person can create a living will to pull the plug even if some basic life support, medical equipment and meds can keep them alive. Yes this is about the physical quality of life until death, what about the emotional quality of lfe. You don't have to go through any type of concealing to make this decision.

Then you have those that want a sex change and they must go through radical therapy before the operation.

What is the difference between the physical and emotional quality of life?

If we as society says that suicide is wrong then why allow for a living will option, that is an acceptable form of suicide to prevent suffering. We are going to say emotional suffering is tollersble? No, it's less expensive, cheaper for couceling and meds where the physical one may be stuck in a hospital on life support for many years at millions of dollars.

Why can't there be therapy to determine if suicide is appropriate? Without doing any research , I would venture to say it comes down to morals and ethics. It's just not right to kill another person, except and here we go, the have been sentenced to the death penalty, society accepts this, individuals don't, they need life support and war. Where are the morals and ethics now. i can hear the yeah buts now and will not list them. Pick a side, no exceptions and stick to it.

Why is it then considered moral and ethical to allow emotional suffering?

For physical suffering society basically kills, we put our pets down when they are physically suffering and a Dr says no hope. The plug is pulled on a person when a Dr says no hope.

So why not a Dr that has to do an emotional evaluation looking at history of life, is there a way to treat the emotional pain and if there is no answer allow and assist the suffering to die.

When it comes to suicide the suicidal is not really considered completely. After all with suicide attempts, when caught are resesitated, yet I can choose not to be resesitated during a surgery or hospital stay.

I am trying to understand how you have become so lost if you believe in God? I personally am not into organised religion, however I do believe in good and evil and trying to become the best version of ourselves.

I feel like your focus has gotten blurred and you are inspecting your pain far too closely in every minute detail rather than to find ways to heal from it. I do understand that your pain must have been impressive for you and you have carried it for so long, I do appreciate that.

My take in life is just this, life is in actuality, very short. We have limited time. Death is an absolute guarantee and can happen at any given time. We choose what becomes of our lives and we decide how we are going to react to the goings on.

If our reactions becoming overwhelming, we can choose to get proper help with it and to find ways to heal. And no, this is no easy task. Some pains go on despite our greatest efforts in trying to heal.

But at some point, we can come to acceptance and learn to live with it. Acceptance heals.

You say you want to become a father, and you've had enquired about adoption. So why are you not pursuing that? There could be a child out there who is suffering and is lost and abandoned and needs someone like you. Throwing in the towel at this point doesn't make much sense to me. You HAVE gained so much though you refuse to see it.

You have seen so much of the world, you have over come so many hardships, you have not only gained experience and wisdom but have become stronger than most.

Those are gifts, gifts you can share with others and not only enrich your own life, but theirs as well.

Whether it's child you adopt or someone else around you, you matter, your experience matters and whether you think so or not, you do not have loads of time left.

A life flashes in front of someone's eye in mere seconds and 50 years truly is a flash in the pan.

Don't waste it, don't give it away. Your time is valuable and can be worthwhile if you choose it to be.

There could be someone out there who can love you more than you've ever been loved, but you are again letting these opportunities pass you by with focusing on the wrong things.

Love is not just found in another person either. It can be found in all sorts of places and inside of yourself as well. All of those good feelings exist, but it's up to you to find them again.

Don't give up on yourself or up on life.

Bad feelings come to all of us, just as you are describing,but they come and go as do the good feelings. Nothing is forever, and it is true, only you can save yourself.

I truly do hope that you don't give up. You are still needed and have so much to offer this world and other people.

Rest if you must, but don't give up.

Your post truly surprises me, Tired, considering you are a "person of faith".

When you know God doesn't care then why go on? I am not a religious person, at all, but from where you stand how did you reach this conclusion?

You will, I am sure, have heard the saying: God helps those who help themselves.....

Not "waiting 30 years for change"

Nothing arrives at our door on a silver platter, that's for sure, as I have found.

There are many people who could not or cannot have children, and many who have had a marriage or marriages end. These are tough situations, but, and this you will see if you have travelled widely, there are thousands who endure a lot worse than that.

And just to add, there will be no "theological" discussion on here, because we would be shut down in 40 seconds flat LOL.

I am very sorry that this all happened. I will start with the disclosure that I am not religious. Was raised catholic and went to catholic school but I'm not atheist or anything, I'm just nothing. Atheisism requires too much faith for me.

Death is just the end of possibilities in my opinion. You are alive, if you are as miserable as you sound, change as much as you need to be happier. God isn't going to make you happy. God doesn't prevent anything from happening to you. God(s) defuse responsibility away from actions and consequences.

If you are so happy with thinking about death you need to remove yourself from as much of the usual as possible.

It sounds like you need to be a bit more selfish.

That's it. Alchemist.

"God isn't going to make you happy. God doesn't prevent anything from happening to you."

Again I do thank you for your responses.

First, I have perused adoption expense to great.

Second helping one's self, we are going back to cliches. If you read through my post, you will see a list of everything I have done to help myself. I find that phrase so easily said when you have spent as much time as I have seeking to help myself. Now if anyone wants to compare life to life then let's go. When you put your heart and soul in everything you do and lose then what else is there? If we want to be cliche about God helps those that help themselves then we must ponder about walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

Not being judgmental of anyone specific, it's just so easy to use these cliches not even understanding the situations at hand. Cliches may make or even motivate a person to temporarily keep moving forward, but as shespeaksoftly said it is only temporary. My favorite advice is you have to live with your choices and those i can live with, but some choices I had nothing to do with. I did not choose to not have the ability to have children, I did not choose to be diabetic, i did not choose when the impossibilty happened and two children died inside the womb because my donation to their seed was and is fragmented. If you even want to get a list of just my top ten situations for not wanting to go on, then I will list them, and if it was just those ten, I can deal with them. Those around me say wow you are much stronger than I am. If the purpose of my life is to suffer for the benefit for others, I am not worthy of that from any point of view. There was only one called for perfect suffering.

From that point of view, why should the burden living to just be an inspiration to others be something else placed on my shoulders. I am so excited that those of you here found your way. I wish I could find mine. I chose to give up everything I had to take care of a dying mom and grandmother and I know that was my choice. Someone had to step in. My grandmothers own childre, besides my mom, had little to do with her. If her own wealthy son did anything for her, it cost. Saying that, I will place one more pebble on this ground. He was never there for her. She left me a small amount of money a run down home and he wants it all which I don't care, he can have it, I didn't take care of them for any kind of gain, only hoped to chill in this house while I regrouped. I can tell you that I invested time and money here just asking for a few months to figure out my next steps. And he wants me out and told me to go at her funeral.

You are very depressed, Tired. You can call what I said a cliché if you wish. I don't care. You are arguing in circles.

How do you know that I/we don't understand your "situation". All we have here is the written word and you have set out your existential problems. You want feedback from us. You are getting it.

"Sadly, I can prove the existence of God, show you non biblical proof of Jesus and his miracles. "

Well, then you have a beef with "God" and as you are a believer then it may even be therapeutic to find a quiet place and yell out your complaints to the "big man". He may even come back at you with that "cliché" as you call it.

Emotional suffering? I think I can safely say that not one person on this board, or indeed in the world, has escaped emotional suffering.

Quit the martyrdom T.

"If the purpose of my life is to suffer for the benefit for others, I am not worthy of that from any point of view."

But if you must, and as you are a person of faith, I seem to recall that it is said: "offer up your suffering" and so on.

You enquire:

"why should the burden living to just be an inspiration to others be something else placed on my shoulders."

Sorry, but I am not finding you particularly inspirational at this moment.

I echo SherrySher's kind and encouraging post: but you don't want to hear it, do you.

None of us chose the hand we were dealt at birth. Future illness (in your case diabetes), the inability to have children, etc. No one escapes the "universal thump".

You are not the only one with an illness, the only one with no children, the only one who has had to look after an elderly relative, the only one who has ungrateful and unempathetic siblings.

Just to add that diabetes is a far more serious condition than many realise, and affects day-to-day living in so many ways. I know quite a number of people who have diabetes and I know they do not find the situation easy.

If your life is so bad you want to kill yourselve(you seem more serious than most) and you think nothing will help change everything. Run away if you need to. You aren't as trapped as you feel. If death is the only escape in your view why not just escape? I can't imagine how much pressure you are under to feel that way. I might not be giving the best advice but running away seems better than suicide.