I don't want marriage but he does

Just want peoples views on this. If a partner wants marriage at some point in their life but you have no intentions to be married. you've told them from the start that you have no interest in marriage and can show how much you love someone with out a piece of paper. would you continue to be in a relationship with that person? has anyone been in this situation?

For many people marriage is more than a paper . This won't work right from the get go . If they want to be married it is your duty to let them be free so they can go find someone who has the same value . You also have an obligation to find someone who has your same values. Why prolong misery ?

Depending on location, marriage has legal ramifications too - power of attorney, taxes, divorce proceedings, etc. it's just not commitment but rights too.

I won't participate in marriage. It's a deeply held political and social protest. It's fairly fundamental to me. So I won't marry. And if that was something a partner needed from me I wouldn't be able to do it and I would be clear with them about it.

However if I really love someone I would be willing to sit down and talk it out. Does my partner want marriage? Or do they want a public commitment ceremony? Do they want legal rights? Because I'm willing to have a party. I'm willing to do some paperwork. I'm just not willing to "wed". It's important to know what you will and won't compromise about.

So the real questions are: Why don't you want to get married? And why does you partner want to get married?

What if you don't marry and say god forbid he is in a horrific accident and the hospital says yeah we're not talking to you but will call his parents . Say he dies godforbid his stuff and all his possessions and money goes back to his family and not to you .

Are you OK with that ?

It depends on age and how long you are dating. Say you are dating a couple months and they keep bring it up, it's a red flag. If it's just a rhetorical debate on the merits and disadvantages of marriage who cares?

If there is no proposal to you specifically they can have whatever opinion, visions, etc they want. Of course they will eventually dump you for someone on the same page.

If someone casually says they want marriage and a family and a dog and picket fence etc. one day, it doesn't mean much. Especially it doesn't mean they want that with you per se.

If a partner wants marriage at some point in their life but you have no intentions to be married. you've told them from the start that you have no interest in marriage.

I have not been in a similar situation but I myself don't want the marriage either. I think our views are the same it's just a piece paper. But you need to find someone that wants the same thing. No, matter how much you love or want to be with that person then you need to set them free. I think that's the right thing to do.

Also in some places if you live together for a year they consider you common law and even if you break up your stuff is all divided.

But even so marriage is something that's an integral core value and if you don't believe in the same thing not going to work . There's going to be massive resentment on each end .

As someone who by and large does regard marriage as "a piece of paper," I still understand that, to many, it means much more on a sentimental level. For them, it is an incredibly substantial life goal, and if he's telling you that's what he wants for himself some day, I would treat it precisely as such. There are a lot of things that, while perhaps arbitrary at face value, mean a lot to people in general. It's in the best interests of both of you to sit down and discuss just how serious of an incompatibility this could be down the road.

I have not been in a similar situation but I myself don't want the marriage either. I think our views are the same it's just a piece paper. But you need to find someone that wants the same thing. No, matter how much you love or want to be with that person then you need to set them free. I think that's the right thing to do.

I am anti-marriage and I always find the "it's just a piece of paper" argument silly. If it is just a piece of paper then why does it matter one way or the other? If it's just a piece of paper I would be willing to do that for someone I love. But it isn't just a piece of paper. It's a symbol, it's legal rights, it fundamentally changes who you are on paper with the government. It's not just a piece of paper. It's a lot more messed up then that. It's a whole package of rights and responsibilities that is only offered to people who have relationships the way our government approves of.

I understand your point. its the whole legal side of things. what if things don't go well. divorce is not straight forward. plus people change after they are married

I understand your point. its the whole legal side of things. what if things don't go well. divorce is not straight forward. plus people change after they are married

Breaking up from common law is not straightforward either .

Rather than debate with a guy who has the right to his vision, find a guy who shares yours. Having a 'just a piece of paper' ax to grind won't get you too far.

its the whole legal side of things. what if things don't go well. divorce is not straight forward. plus people change after they are married

I think what your trying to avoid is the responsibility that comes with it and I don't blame you. I thought when I got married it would be for better or for worst it was no such thing. Going through the process of divorce is another thing. Although mines went smoothly because we didn't own a house, we didn't have kids or assets.

I understand your point. its the whole legal side of things. what if things don't go well. divorce is not straight forward. plus people change after they are married

I understand your point. its the whole legal side of things. what if things don't go well. divorce is not straight forward. plus people change after they are married

People change in any relationship.

I think what your trying to avoid is the responsibility that comes with it and I don't blame you. I thought when I got married it would be for better or for worst it was no such thing. Going through the process of divorce is another thing. Although mines went smoothly because we didn't own a house, we didn't have kids or assets.

I agree. Get together with someone who meets your vision from the beginning.