What the heck can he possibly be up to? Don't know what to do!

I am really bothered with my boyfriend of almost 3 years, I really don’t know if I can take his word or not anymore, he told me that I can stay over the weekend on his apartment in the city, in fact, he has said it many times, the times I have traveled to see him which is just a few, I go for a day and then he brings me back the same day, cause he studies here in the town that I live so when he comes here we see each other, so I did not feel the need to go and see him on the weekends (since he already comes here from Monday to Friday) So yesterday i said to myself ‘i’m going to take his word and text him to stay that I want to stay over this weekend’.

So I texted him this past friday at 5:46pm and told him: ‘Hey hun, I want to go over tomorrow and stay over this weekend, Are you doing something? and he replied super late at 8:35 just saying ” i'm coming next week’. Honestly I got so mad I did not reply back anything, So I don’t understand why wouldn't he tell me the reason why i could not go? it’s the weekend!, plus I have not gone to his place for a super long long long time, I get he is a super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream literally(but to me is not new I hae already seen it messy), but to me this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there, so he came and I asked him why did he not explain why I could not go and he said that he was feeling stressed (and it was not a good time for me to go since he was working giving tutoring and also studying) I believe the stress, but the other 2 humm, who in there right mind does all of this on A WEEKEND!! plus I have not been to his place in such a long time.

1. You gave him like a whole half a day's notice.

2. All three reasons he gave sound perfectly fine to me. If you don't trust him, dump him.

Do you think the "other woman" tolerates his hoarding?

Does he usually make time for you if you plan a weekend in advance?

Or were you trying to "catch" or "trap" him with your last minute suggestion?

I get he is a super messy and his house looks like a hoarders dream to me this is a very red flag!! I have to think he has another woman over there

...not even half a day. I would consider texting Friday night about coming over for the weekend as zero notice and yes, your bf does have things to do so he may not be able to accommodate you just like that.

Tutoring, working, studying - normal things that students do on weekends.

Unless there are other issues you haven't mentioned, then you really have nothing to upset about.

Controlling much? Most people make plans for a weekend well in advance, not while chewing on a chicken bone Friday night. Cut the guy some slack.

Hello, carolinne.

Is this the first time you have felt suspicious of him?

Definitely agree that for the most part he is in the right here. You cannot expect half a days notice and for him to change his plans. Although the possibility of another woman is there as well, I recommend you just go with it for now. If you truly cannot trust this man then make it clear and break up with him.

I think he preferrers to have his weekend time to himself, since he already sees you Mon - Friday. Is that not enough together time?

If it is not, then change the routine. Make it that you don't see him so much in the week, and only on the weekends. Change it up/mix it up. Your sounding real clingy.

I think he preferrers to have his weekend time to himself, since he already sees you Mon - Friday. Is that not enough together time?

 

If it is not, then change the routine. Make it that you don't see him so much in the week, and only on the weekends. Change it up/mix it up. Your sounding real clingy.

Yes, definitely agree with this. But how is it that after three years you havent spent a weekend together? It should be the other way round that you see less of each other on weekdays and more at the weekend.

Yes, definitely agree with this. But how is it that after three years you havent spent a weekend together? It should be the other way round that you see less of each other on weekdays and more at the weekend.

The problem is that when he comes here for university (mon -friday), we only see eachother once a week.,I have gone some saturdays to his apt but long time ago not recently, but I have never stayed over (even though he would ask me to stay over until sunday evening or even monday),But I did not want to at that time, so he always brought me back the same day. Maybe now,since I have not gone in a long time, perhaps he has not been expecting it, so it caught him off guard or indeed in al that time that I have not gone, he has been up to something!

So you yourself tend not to go. When you have gone long ago, you wouldn't stay over and insist he bring you back. Now out of the blue, at the very last minute, no notice at all, you suddenly request to come over and stay and then get angry that he has other things going on and ....he is the problem????

Do you honestly not see how your own behavior is actually the problem here? Serious question to you.

I mean if you want to see him more during the week, talk about it and see how that can be worked out. If you want to come and stay the weekend, you do need to let him know in advance so he can plan for it, including things like finding what's rotting in his place for the past three weeks and actually tossing it out. If he has tutoring, then talk about it and that you are fine with him going off to do it and what you'll do with your time while he is gone, etc. You have to communicate. You cannot just suddenly ask for something last minute and then instantly get enraged you didn't get it.