Be the nice guy or play games??

Ok so the lady I'm currently dating had only been 2 months of an abusive relationship when we met. We clicked straight away, we met through a friend. I think she is an amazing person. Anyway we haven't got physical which is fine by me. I have said I don't mind waiting until she is ready.

She told me she was going away for a few days and not using her phone. I thought that was the end, as our mutual friend told me. Sometimes she says you're a bit needy and rushing her. Which is the last thing I want. She told her this after we spoke about what was happening with the situation.

Anyway 5 days had passed and she messaged me today. Wanting us to meet up tomorrow. I agreed and she has said "I can't wait to see you"

Now I hate games. I'm not a needy a person at all. My main aim is to just make her smile. I was planning on going over tomorrow when I pick her up with flowers, and pretending they are for her cat (we have a running joke about this)

My friend (not the mutual one) advised me not to do this. I'm curious what you guys think?

I know it'll make her smile, I just don't want to come across to keen, as I know she's not ready for that yet. Any advice would be great.

I'm not a fan of playing games, either. Be sincere and if you like her, let her know it. Don't be overly eager or pushy, but if she's giving you encouragement then just be genuine.

I think you are psyching yourself out by over analyzing how she's treating you. We are all guilty of this when we meet someone new. In my opinion she isn't playing games, at all. From what you wrote she was very clear about what she wants and your friend also was too. Because she was just in a relationship she doesn't want to move fast. She probably is still getting over her ex and going through figuring out how to emotionally be with someone new. That isn't a game, that's just being human. I would also advise that you don't bring flowers because you haven't known her for long enough and she doesn't seem emotionally ready for that gesture. I would just say to go in a few dates with her, get to know her, just hang out and get a feel for who she is before you try to be romantic. And if she's moving too slow for you then that just means you aren't compatible and that's okay. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you because she's moving slow! Don't think that! My boyfriend also thought that before we were official because we moved slow too. Let me know if you have any other questions.

Thank you guys. I don't mind moving slow. My main aim is to make her happy. I know she has went through a lot. And it's nice that she's now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. When we are together just us 2 she is seems really keen. She appreciates everything that I do. I know she will have her up and down moments. At the start of every date I always bring her chocolates. And she loves that. I don't think the flowers would scare her. I know she would be so excited and happy. I just don't want her to panick. And over think things

Speaking as a woman who was in an abusive relationship, it took me almost a year to overcome and wanting to date again. I was nervous around men for awhile that I kept my friendships with them within arms reach. I suffered trauma, had to be taken to the hospital, and go through counseling. It was pretty bad.

The next man I dated ended up as my husband. We maintained a friendship for a year because we took college classes together. He did not push me into dating (I was so grateful he didn't) and it helped me slowly trust him. We went as slow as having coffee/tea and then he gradually suggest other outings (movies, concerts, playing at a local arcade, festivals) when school semesters ended. Love just grew from those moments without any pressure.

Picking giving her flowers after picking her up is a little pushy. You don't want to drive her away. A better approach: Why not grab lunch, or go out for a drink/coffee? A general rule when interacting with women: don't give girls any gifts if you are not dating them (unless they are related to you).

Definitely no on the flowers. Agree with keeping gifts to a minimum at the initial stage of dating. That can be seen as heavy pursuit and trying to buy love, you don't want that impression.

But above all else, I doubt she's yet in a healthy place emotionally to start dating so soon, being just out of an abusive relationship. So regardless of what you do, it likely won't work out (at least in the short term).

Ease back and don't push. If she wants to see you, then see her, but make it as casual as possible. No flowers, no gifts or talks about feelings.She hasn't had very long at all to be over her relationship and trauma she went through, amazing she is dating at all to be honest.

So for now, and many months, take it easy, take it slow and go at a pace that makes her comfortable. Also don't place expectations on her right now or assume it should be a serious relationship, just enjoy one anothers company with no set plans.

Thanks so much guys

Ok so the lady I'm currently dating had only been 2 months of an abusive relationship when we met. We clicked straight away, we met through a friend. I think she is an amazing person. Anyway we haven't got physical which is fine by me. I have said I don't mind waiting until she is ready.

 

She told me she was going away for a few days and not using her phone. I thought that was the end, as our mutual friend told me. Sometimes she says you're a bit needy and rushing her. Which is the last thing I want. She told her this after we spoke about what was happening with the situation.

 

Anyway 5 days had passed and she messaged me today. Wanting us to meet up tomorrow. I agreed and she has said "I can't wait to see you"

 

Now I hate games. I'm not a needy a person at all. My main aim is to just make her smile. I was planning on going over tomorrow when I pick her up with flowers, and pretending they are for her cat (we have a running joke about this)

 

My friend (not the mutual one) advised me not to do this. I'm curious what you guys think?

 

I know it'll make her smile, I just don't want to come across to keen, as I know she's not ready for that yet. Any advice would be great.

Maybe a single flower. Stick to your plan to just make her smile.