My Story: Losing my love

Me (31F) Him (31F).

I feel like a downer to my friends and family and like I've talked this out to death with them already, so here I am on the internet. We met in July 2015 and it all came together almost too perfectly. It was mutually agreed that we connected in ways we both had never felt with others in the past. For the first time in my life, I felt like I truly belonged. Within months we had met each others' family and talked about marriage and kids. In the past, I had never wanted kids or marriage,but with him, I loved him so much that I could see this happening between us.

I also knew about his past, that 5 years before he had been engaged to someone else who had ended up cheating on him . I knew that after this, he had become somewhat commitment phobic, but despite this, it was he that broached the subject of us getting married. My walls came down when he told me that with me, everything was different, things felt right and perfect.

10 months into the relationship, he had already bought a ring and asked my parents for permission to marry me. But....the proposal never came. At the 10 month mark, things began to unravel. On my end, i took it as the usual honeymoon phase ending, but he later pointed out that this is when the doubt began to grow.

13 months into the relationship, he began having work obligations that made us into a more or less LDR. As with any changes, we had more fights.

14 months in the relationship, he tried to break it off with me after 6 weeks of not seeing each other. He told me that things happen for a reason, his work took him away for a reason, so he could stop and reconsider. I tried to talk it out with him and the break up did not last long.

As time passed, we grew more distant, more fights, etc....but my love for him never wavered even though I had my doubts too. Growing pains I said, he's just tired I said, it's work I said, things will get better.

Finally at the end of 2016, he broke things off for good. He told me that we should have stayed broken up the first time and that he no longer loved me.

I've lurked on this forum for the past few weeks, and my story sounds so familiar to some of yours. A few days prior to the break up he had just talked about us moving in together. Of course that was a fight, because I felt that i was getting downgraded from, future wife to, let's just cohabitate for now. A few days prior we had just booked trips in 2017. When I pointed these things out, he said it was just him trying to go through the motions, but that we had drifted too far apart.

He told me that for the last few months, he had tried to on his own, to get back to the happiness we once felt, but with each fight felt that we just kept growing apart. And here I was, completely oblivious, thinking that it was just a rough patch, the distance, his work schedule, and that we would pull through.

But he quit on me. I just want to release all these memories back into the universe and forget all this ever happened.

Just clarifying - when did you meet? If it really is July 2016 you've been together only 6 months.

oops i meant 2015

I'm so sorry.

Please delete and block all contact info on this guy. I would bet money that he will try to come back, and string you along. He will not make any commitments, and say he wants to take things slow, simply using you for attention and sex.

Don't try to figure this out. Mine did the same.

@erasemymemory, ok am by no means an expert, but it sounds like you were more attached and in love with him as opposed to him, not only that but a year and several months is not enough time to consider marriage, now keep in mind am saying this bcs of the generation we are in, there are still good rare guys out there nonetheless though. now I don't mean to be rude and pretend he never loved you considering that he was the one who brought up marriage but never really went through with it , it sounds like he gave you mixed signals back and forth but kept you happy with the thought of you guys getting married and building something and you were content with that thought. now as to say that you thought "honey moon phase" was over that's where you already know, "nope this is not the guy for me". the honey moon phase isn't over until you are married and with kids, and that's only if you allow it to die. it sounds more to me that he found something "new", a real men who loves you , just simply doesn't stop loving you overnight or let alone a month or so... so I suggest you move on, yes easier said than done, so guess what...

cry... keep crying... LET IT ALL OUT! YES IT WILL HURT.... and it will take a bit of time... but its all part of this phase you are going through, I suggest you toast on his behalf! because guess what... well he did you a favor....

that is not a man you want to marry.... so embrace this... not only will you be a wiser woman, but it will also make you love yourself even more. put yourself first, before him!

Guys are so stupid when they try to get back their hapiness instead of working together to solve a problem ie. if you have limited time together, to try and have quality time, and make sure there are no stressors during that time. Im not sure he will come back, he sounds a bit final from your story. It totally sucks and I can understand how you feel xx As Holly has said, its best to get all media out of your view for now.

You are so right! I feel betrayed because he kept these feelings from me rather than allowing us to work on the issue together.

I am currently going through almost the exact fact pattern as you right now, except I didn't buy a ring for my ex yet. Obviously NC is the best way to heal. I do think he will come back. He may come back and say I want you back forever etc etc. That's what my ex did after we broke up for like 3 weeks.

The problem is I never trusted her again, and she wasn't totally back into it, so we broke up again for good 10 days ago. Once your SO breaks up with you " for good," something is damaged and very difficult to re-capture. My advice to you is to totally disengage, go NC, go to the gym, read books, hang out with your friends and family, etc. I think he will text you and try to talk. If it's BS crumbs or if he's drunk texting you, tell him to leave you alone, that you are trying to move on, that it's inappropriate. Only if he sends you some long email or shows up at your door saying he loves you, made a mistake and wants to work on things together, do you have a choice to make. Don't think about it now. Just work on you and think about how good it will feel when you meet the next person who doesn't have these issues with your relationship.

Sorry this happened. Red flags are much clearer in retrospect, right? Announcing upfront that he has commitment issues, then too much too soon, then ring/marriage talk at 10 mos. then fighting, then moving for work etc.

This part "He told me that things happen for a reason, his work took him away for a reason, so he could stop and reconsider" indicated that he met someone else after becoming long distance.

It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Go no contact and delete and block him from everything.

Within months we talked about marriage and kids.

10 months into the relationship, he had already bought a ring and asked my parents for permission to marry me. But....the proposal never came. 13 months into the relationship, he began having work obligations that made us into a more or less LDR. we had more fights., more fights, etc.He told me that we should have stayed broken up the first time and that he no longer loved me.

I am currently going through almost the exact fact pattern as you right now, except I didn't buy a ring for my ex yet. Obviously NC is the best way to heal. I do think he will come back. He may come back and say I want you back forever etc etc. That's what my ex did after we broke up for like 3 weeks.

 

The problem is I never trusted her again, and she wasn't totally back into it, so we broke up again for good 10 days ago. Once your SO breaks up with you " for good," something is damaged and very difficult to re-capture. My advice to you is to totally disengage, go NC, go to the gym, read books, hang out with your friends and family, etc. I think he will text you and try to talk. If it's BS crumbs or if he's drunk texting you, tell him to leave you alone, that you are trying to move on, that it's inappropriate. Only if he sends you some long email or shows up at your door saying he loves you, made a mistake and wants to work on things together, do you have a choice to make. Don't think about it now. Just work on you and think about how good it will feel when you meet the next person who doesn't have these issues with your relationship.

Im not sure that he will come back, as he is the stubborn "ive decided now thats it" type, but it does make me feel a little less alone knowing that others have gone through the same ordeal. Thank you

I honestly dont think he met anyone else, but you are right, i was ignoring red flags left and right. Even the first time he told me I love you, his words were...i love you, i dont fall in love but i fell in love with you. Wth is that.