My EX didn't Wish me a happy birthday though we agreed on friendship!!!!

A few months back I reached out to my ex boyfriend after a long period of NC and we hung out, and he acted as if he wanted to be back together. He talked about us being able to spend more time together since he was no longer away in school. but then he got weird a few days later and said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and that he got excited and thought he was ready but really wasn't ready because he didn't realize how much he has on his plate. We are both in our middle-to late 20s (He's a teacher etc). though I was very devastated by his about-face in feelings, (he claim his feelings for me haven't changed and that he's just not ready for a relationship) we agreed on friendship. My birthday was the other day and he didn't text or call though we are suppose to be friends. I'm truly hurt by this and care a lot about him. (he texted me a couple months ago for my mom's bday but not mine) Confused!! PLEASE help!! Thank you kindly!!

You say you agreed to be friends. But you make it sound like its illegal to forget your birthday maybe?

If I decided to have a grudge at every friend that has forgotten to call/text me at least once in the last 10 years...I would seriously be friendless...

You don't say where you're based, but being a teacher in the UK is one of the most time-consuming, soul-and-relationship-destroying professions ever. I'm not surprised it hit him with a bang!

I think you need to be honest with yourself, and admit that you want more than 'friendship' from him. He's probably too busy to remember your birthday right now, and if you're going to feel hurt by this lack of attention then you need to distance yourself and go NC. He's been clear about not wanting a relationship, but it sounds as though you're hanging in there hoping he'll change his mind.

You can cause yourself a huge amount of heartache by doing this, and effectively prevent yourself from moving on. Any contact with him will pull the scab off your healing, and any lack of contact when you were hoping for it will do the same. It will be difficult in the short term, but nothing compared to the pain you will go through if you continue like this.

Being friends with an ex ONLY works when both people are over the relationship and any of their feelings. What you wanted, and still want (because even if you agreed to something else, you clearly still have these feelings), is to be back together. Not friends. So from here on it is only going to be agony for you while he forgets your birthday (because, frankly, he owes you no obligation to wish you happy birthday or do ANYTHING now that you two are just friends), and eventually possibly dates others, responds sporadically or not at all to your messages and, basically, exercises the freedom he is allowed.

If you consider one of your friends forgetting your birthday as something too negative to deal with, then you shouldn't continue that friendship, case closed. We choose friends based on who makes us happy and if someone does not, that friendship is over without any real drama (usually). What you are hoping for is for this friendship to become more.

It's best to go No Contact, really work on getting over your feelings for him, and if you have both moved on and completely gotten over your feelings one day then give friendship a shot. But this is unrealistic and putting you in a holding pattern that is going to make you feel very unhappy.

i didn't say it was illegal just hurtful. the fact that he texted me for my mom's bday but not mine seems intentional

You don't say where you're based, but being a teacher in the UK is one of the most time-consuming, soul-and-relationship-destroying professions ever. I'm not surprised it hit him with a bang!

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself, and admit that you want more than 'friendship' from him. He's probably too busy to remember your birthday right now, and if you're going to feel hurt by this lack of attention then you need to distance yourself and go NC. He's been clear about not wanting a relationship, but it sounds as though you're hanging in there hoping he'll change his mind.

 

You can cause yourself a huge amount of heartache by doing this, and effectively prevent yourself from moving on. Any contact with him will pull the scab off your healing, and any lack of contact when you were hoping for it will do the same. It will be difficult in the short term, but nothing compared to the pain you will go through if you continue like this.

He said his feelings for me haven't changed and that he's just not ready for a relationship. So He made it seem like it was just timing not that he never wants to be together

He said his feelings for me haven't changed and that he's just not ready for a relationship. So He made it seem like it was just timing not that he never wants to be together

Sadly, if you keep telling yourself that it's 'just timing' you will have a very long wait for something which will probably never happen, punctuated by pain. As you are beginning to see...

When someone tells you that they're not ready for a relationship, believe them. If you think him not contacting you on your birthday was intentional, pay attention to that. It may be that he doesn't want to string you along. It may not be, of course, and he may simply have forgotten. Either of these indicate that he is not invested in the relationship the way you are. Please don't put yourself through this heartache any more.

Sadly, if you keep telling yourself that it's 'just timing' you will have a very long wait for something which will probably never happen, punctuated by pain. As you are beginning to see...

 

When someone tells you that they're not ready for a relationship, believe them. If you think him not contacting you on your birthday was intentional, pay attention to that. It may be that he doesn't want to string you along. It may not be, of course, and he may simply have forgotten. Either of these indicate that he is not invested in the relationship the way you are. Please don't put yourself through this heartache any more.

I just hate that he led me on and lied to me about his feelings for me. he acted as if it was just timing. he made promises and didn't follow through. thats heartless

He didn't want to deal with you crying across the table again so he threw you softballs. He shouldn't have led you on, but you should also exercise intuition.

Block his number and leave him in the past.

Sorry to hear this. Why be friends with an ex who claims "he's just not ready for a relationship"? That is the kind of limbo that creates confusion and disappointment.

Don't hangout or accept fwb, friends, etc. if you are hoping for dating, a relationship, etc. Go no contact and delete and block him from social media so you can heal and move forward.

A few months back I reached out to my ex boyfriend. He talked about us being able to spend more time together since he was no longer away in school. he wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

I just hate that he led me on and lied to me about his feelings for me. he acted as if it was just timing. he made promises and didn't follow through. thats heartless

Your words here are directed at him in anger as if he intended to hurt you. He did this to me, he did that to me. You play a part in this too. You put yourself in the path of his words and his promises. That part is on you.

"But he said he wants to be friends," you say. OK, so maybe he does. You know how many friends' birthdays I remember? Exactly as many as choose to remind me its their birthday. And that goes for friends I love as deeply as the ocean. If this one incident is resonating so powerfully for you, you yourself are not in a friend zone.

Look within, OP.

I just hate that he led me on and lied to me about his feelings for me. he acted as if it was just timing. he made promises and didn't follow through. thats heartless

Unfortunately, many people think they're being kind by not being honest about their intentions, and just letting the other person slip away slowly and painfully until they get the message. It isn't, I agree. Stringing people along because they don't have the cojones to tell the truth isn't kind, it's cowardly.

Sometimes, it IS timing - but the other person will leave you in no doubt, and will stand by their promises. Years ago, I met a guy a couple of weeks before he went on a trip to India for several months. Not only did he keep in touch, but he introduced me to several of his friends and asked THEM to keep in touch with me, too. When he got back, we just picked up where we left off.

Your words here are directed at him in anger as if he intended to hurt you. He did this to me, he did that to me. You play a part in this too. You put yourself in the path of his words and his promises. That part is on you.

 

"But he said he wants to be friends," you say. OK, so maybe he does. You know how many friends' birthdays I remember? Exactly as many as choose to remind me its their birthday. And that goes for friends I love as deeply as the ocean. If this one incident is resonating so powerfully for you, you yourself are not in a friend zone.

 

Look within, OP.

Thats still no excuse to lie and led a person on. don't say you are in love with a person if you don't mean it. put myself in the path of his words?? That doesn't make any sense as to how him lying is my fault. I'm not supposed to have feelings??

Thats still no excuse to lie and led a person on. don't say you are in love with a person if you don't mean it. put myself in the path of his words?? That doesn't make any sense as to how him lying is my fault. I'm not supposed to have feelings??

You two are broken up. I'm assuming he dumped you. That's big signal number one.

Wrong timing or no, he said he doesn't want to get back with you right now. That's unmissable signal number two.

The guy's not an idiot. He knows you'd take a happy birthday message and run with it.

These are just things to pay attention to before you place your entire emotional stock in receiving a happy birthday text.

Best of luck.

You reached out to him, he didn't reach out to you. I don't think he's as into you as a friend you think he should be. He probably was just trying to be nice when he responded.

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help you read between the lines.

He said his feelings for me haven't changed and that he's just not ready for a relationship. So He made it seem like it was just timing not that he never wants to be together

Maybe he thought contacting you to wish you Happy Birthday would reopen contact and he is not ready for that.. or it was unintentional and he forgot - it happens. I had a similar thing happen where my ex is still friends with my mother on FB and wished her happy birthday. Never contacted me on mine, but since then has contacted me twice (not about my birthday or a holiday). Sounds like he needs space and it's best to move on and allow him that for a while as hard as that is for you. If he is respectful to your mother in the meantime, I would at least take that as a positive. If he didn't care at all he wouldn't take the time to wish your mom a Happy Bday.