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Thread: Dating a guy for a month, and he has started to fade as soon as we hook up

  1. #1
    pdxrunner

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    Unhappy Dating a guy for a month, and he has started to fade as soon as we hook up

    I don't think I really rejected him. The last time we hung out we hooked up, like we started acting super coupley that night, and got kind of scared and said it was getting late and went home. I didn't want to over stay my welcome. I didn't hear from him at all when he would normally always ask me if I got home safe... he didn't actually reach out to me until nye, and it was an obligatory "happy New Years" by that point I deleted him on Snapchat, because I was pretty disappointed even though I felt like we were moving kind of fast, but I felt kind of stupid like I thought we were having fun, but maybe he wanted me to leave? Maybe I read things wrong.


    We went ice skating and then got lunch. Which would've been a good time to leave, but he was like "let's get some firewood and sit by the fire" so I was like okay. Then we hooked up, and I could've left then, but he was like "let's get some dinner" and then In my head I was like okay I should leave now, but he was like "I'll start a fire for us, and we can watch a movie" he gave me his new sweatshirt to wear when I didn't even ask. But then I was like okay, I don't want to assume I should stay, so I kissed him and headed out. But I never heard from him. It kinda made me sad, but oh well. I kind of wanted to ask him what's up, but figured it would be better to leave it alone.


    A few days after we last hung out I sent a picture of this cheese board and wine, because basically on every date we've had we've had cheese and wine at some point. He texted me back and was like "So much cheese!" "Looks good" I didn't text back, because I realized that was kind of weird. Then I get a text a few days later which was the obligatory "Happy New Years" text, to which I said "Thanks you, too". I deleted him on snap chat last week, because I didn't like that he could see everything I was doing. I think he realized it, and deleted me too. Yesterday I was on bumble and updated all my stuff, and then looked at his, and then today he is gone, he literally unmatched me.



    My friend said he may have felt rejected, but I'm not sure that's true. But I have been told I appear like I'm playing hard to get, but I'm not, I'm just not a very flirty person, and I can see that when i left that night It could have come off very strange but I don't know.

  2. #2
    katrina1980
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    I agree with your friend.

    YOU may not think you were playing hard to get, but your behavior (from HIS perspective) indicates you were or you just weren't all that interested.

    It is important to be cognizant of how your actions come across to others, in this case the men you date.

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  4. #3
    gebaird
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    It sounds like the whole time you were on the date you were looking for an opportunity to bolt. Perhaps he picked up on that when you made your exit.

    Don't assume you are a burden and that the worst thing you could do is overstay your welcome. Instead, assume you are wanted and act accordingly.

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    Wiseman2
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    Were you dating? Fwb? What is it you want? Do your parents make you be home by a certain time?Why are you "assuming" you need to run after sex? Have you reached out to him in a meaningful way or just nonsense cheese pics?

    He keeps trying to be nice and date and reach out but you keep blowing him off so why are you doing that and why claim any contact is "obligatory"?

    He's probably moved on because you acted so odd an played strange 'sex and run' games refusing to date or be remotely romantic in favor of hooking up..
    Quote Originally Posted by pdxrunner [Register to see the link]
    Then we hooked up, and I could've left then, but he was like "let's get some dinner" and then In my head I was like okay I should leave now, but he was like "I'll start a fire for us, and we can watch a movie". I don't want to assume I should stay, so I kissed him and headed out.

  6. #5
    pdxrunner

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    I wasn't playing games, I was scared, I didn't want to get hurt. I like him.

  7. #6
    Wiseman2
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    A surefire way to get hurt is presenting yourself a meaningless hookup and not gf material who dates and strives for a relationship.

    Deleting him, running, sending nonsense, not responding, etc. IS playing games.

    If you don't want to get hurt get some self-respect, learn how to date with manners and learn to communicate like a grown up.
    Quote Originally Posted by pdxrunner [Register to see the link]
    I didn't want to get hurt. I like him.

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  9. #7
    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by pdxrunner [Register to see the link]
    I wasn't playing games, I was scared, I didn't want to get hurt. I like him.
    Okay. But try seeing it from HIS perspective.

    HE doesn't know you were *scared* or whatever!

    In his mind, you acted like a woman who, frankly, doesn't give a ****.

    Flip it around. How would YOU have felt if HE behaved the way you behaved?

    Hit it and quit it.

    Scared or not, that is precisely what you did.

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  11. #8
    happyfrank
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    Your actions show that you didn't like him. If you like a guy next time. Don't rush things and get mad so fast.

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  13. #9
    j.man
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    Sounds like you enjoy attention and being chased, and when this guy didn't play along, you invented some narrative of being "scared."

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  15. #10
    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by j.man [Register to see the link]
    Sounds like you enjoy attention and being chased, and when this guy didn't play along, you invented some narrative of being "scared."
    This^ and then accusing HIM of fading, when in fact YOU are the one who faded.

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