Having a hard time ending a toxic relationship, please help!

So I am in a relationship that I deem toxic. My boyfriend is always angry even though I do things for him to try to cheer him up. I think he suffers from depression, but I have been supportive of him and his situation. I pay all the bills. Including the food bill. He is unemployed and I have been trying really hard last 3 months to be supportive while he looks for work. But he takes it out on me even though he denies this. He seems to think I am stressing him out. All he does is complain. He doesn't do a darn thing to help me around the house. I leave the house at 7:30 am every day and I don't get home until 6:30. I just think since he isn't working the least he could do is keep the house clean. Instead of complaining how there are dishes in the sink, then every little thing he complains about. Some things he does have a point on like how he is mad instead of giving him space and leaving him alone, I back him into a corner. I understand that, but the reason for the fights are stupid. Because he didn't like my tone and said I was having an attitude (I wasn't!) then when I try to explain that he misunderstood he says I am making excuses. I have just tried to be very supportive of him and I really cant stand it anymore. I work all day and I come home to someone who looks angry and snaps at the smallest things. I understand he is stressed emotionally and physically but I was emotionally healthy. This relationship has made me an emotional mess. But he doesn't see he caused that, because god forbid I tell him that he is the cause. He will lash out, and then tell me he is leaving until I beg him to stay. I should know by now he is full of poop. I even tried to be the bigger person this morning and text him and he didn't reply. I called him a few min later and he gives me some BS that he was in the bathroom. I know for a fact its bull. He always texts me good morning and today he didn't bother. I just cant deal with someone who acts like he could care less just because you get into a fight. He told me last night that when I act like I don't give a f that he will act that way too. Is this how adults behave? punish each other after fights, until you feel the person has learned their lesson? someone tell me is this normal behavior for a male? and he had the nerve to tell me he cares about me a lot last night. That I may not believe it, but its true. Well, I agree with that. I don't believe him. I know I get too emotional after fights, but its because of the way he behaves. He has some cheap shots. He accuses me of not listening. I do listen to him but I am forgetful and then he tells me that I don't pay him any mind, and I do what I want, and I remember what's convenient for me. I am not that kind of person at all. I struggled in school and I get confused with details at work too, and for him to say that really hurt...

"He will lash out, and then tell me he is leaving until I beg him to stay."

 

This is one abusive manipulative individual. Why on earth would you beg him to stay.

 

And no, well-adjusted, well-balanced adults do NOT behave like that.

Yes you have definitely described an extremely toxic relationship, all of the things he does are manipulative. I've been there before, in every argument I'd try to remain calm but he'd take those cheap shots, completely twist my words like some kind of evil lawyer, bring up things from the past, blame me for things HE did to himself, and threaten to leave over and over while I cried and begged him not to. I look back at how I acted, and I am truly ashamed.

 

He said things to you that he knows will hurt you. These kinds of people, the people that you once trusted enough to tell them about all of your hardships and insecurities, will dig those up just to use them against you in the most horrible way. They do this, and they make you feel like you need them for some reason, they get you to believe YOU did something wrong, and then you beg for them to stay. It's disgusting, truly.

 

You need to kick him out to the curb. You are not his mother, it's not your responsibility at all to cook, clean, and cater to him. He's an unemployed loser. Time to end it.

"He will lash out, and then tell me he is leaving until I beg him to stay."

 

This is one abusive manipulative individual. Why on earth would you beg him to stay.

 

And no, well-adjusted, well-balanced adults do NOT behave like that.

I don't know...I just get a panic attack. It might be that I am afraid of being alone, but he is not making me happy anymore.

Not sure why you are subjecting yourself and your kids to this abusive parasite? It's your house...why not ask him to leave?

 

He needs a social worker, social services, a psychiatrist, etc. and your enabling is preventing him from finding the help he needs and standing on his own two feet.

I am in a relationship that I deem toxic.I pay all the bills. Including the food bill. He is unemployed

Same guy?

Yes you have definitely described an extremely toxic relationship, all of the things he does are manipulative. I've been there before, in every argument I'd try to remain calm but he'd take those cheap shots, completely twist my words like some kind of evil lawyer, bring up things from the past, blame me for things HE did to himself, and threaten to leave over and over while I cried and begged him not to. I look back at how I acted, and I am truly ashamed.

 

He said things to you that he knows will hurt you. These kinds of people, the people that you once trusted enough to tell them about all of your hardships and insecurities, will dig those up just to use them against you in the most horrible way. They do this, and they make you feel like you need them for some reason, they get you to believe YOU did something wrong, and then you beg for them to stay. It's disgusting, truly.

 

You need to kick him out to the curb. You are not his mother, it's not your responsibility at all to cook, clean, and cater to him. He's an unemployed loser. Time to end it.

You are right...it is extremely difficult but in my gut I know its the right thing to do. But now I am afraid of him leaving when I am at work and I am not there to make sure he doesn't take anything that doesn't belong to him. I am not saying he would do that, but I do worry.

Not sure why you are subjecting yourself and your kids to this abusive parasite? It's your house...why not ask him to leave?

 

He needs a social worker, social services, a psychiatrist, etc. and your enabling is preventing him from finding the help he needs and standing on his own two feet.Same guy? yes of course. He is extremely manipulative so made me feel like it is my fault.

And now it is time to quit this dysfunctional and abusive situation.

You are right...it is extremely difficult but in my gut I know its the right thing to do. But now I am afraid of him leaving when I am at work and I am not there to make sure he doesn't take anything that doesn't belong to him. I am not saying he would do that, but I do worry.

 

DO NOT leave him while you are at work. You need to man up and do it in person, and monitor his leaving. If you think he is likely to steal or destroy any of your property, it is best that you be there when it happens.

You need to kick him out to the curb.

 

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Well I won't be leaving, he is. It's my apartment not his. I am going to ask him to leave this weekend, while I am there to monitor.

What you have described is an extremely toxic relationship.

You are not a parent to this man and he is not under the age of 18 and in your care. You should not be the sole provider and pay for all the bills, cook, clean, and give him attention whenever he desires.

I understand that couples go through hard times and that sometimes you have to be there for your significant other. However, he is COMPLETELY taking advantage of you. He nags you because the house is dirty, yet you are the one at school all day, while he sits around the house and does nothing.

The least he could do to help you out is vacuum and clean.

He has become nothing but a parasite and how can someone possibly be unemployed for 3 months. What job is he exactly looking for?

If I was unemployed, I would be submitting job apps everyday until something came up.

Leave him immediately.

What you have described is an extremely toxic relationship.

You are not a parent to this man and he is not under the age of 18 and in your care. You should not be the sole provider and pay for all the bills, cook, clean, and give him attention whenever he desires.

I understand that couples go through hard times and that sometimes you have to be there for your significant other. However, he is COMPLETELY taking advantage of you. He nags you because the house is dirty, yet you are the one at school all day, while he sits around the house and does nothing.

The least he could do to help you out is vacuum and clean.

He has become nothing but a parasite and how can someone possibly be unemployed for 3 months. What job is he exactly looking for?

If I was unemployed, I would be submitting job apps everyday until something came up.

Leave him immediately.

You are right. I am sick of his speech how in a relationship there should respect courtesy and consideration, how he doesn't have time for drama or BS. I don't know how he can say he is looking for a happy and healthy relationship after what he described. There is nothing healthy about that at all. I was trying to be understanding because he had a very bad childhood, abusive father, was on the streets a lot, etc. But I can see now that he is holding me responsible for the women that hurt him and that isn't fair.

What you have described is an extremely toxic relationship.

You are not a parent to this man and he is not under the age of 18 and in your care. You should not be the sole provider and pay for all the bills, cook, clean, and give him attention whenever he desires.

I understand that couples go through hard times and that sometimes you have to be there for your significant other. However, he is COMPLETELY taking advantage of you. He nags you because the house is dirty, yet you are the one at school all day, while he sits around the house and does nothing.

The least he could do to help you out is vacuum and clean.

He has become nothing but a parasite and how can someone possibly be unemployed for 3 months. What job is he exactly looking for?

If I was unemployed, I would be submitting job apps everyday until something came up.

Leave him immediately.

He lives with me and my son, so I need to ask him to leave and I need to do it on a day when my son is with his dad. So more than likely Saturday night or Sunday. So I have to deal with him until then. Its kind of pathetic how the only person he gets along with is his best friend who lives in another state, and his 20 year old nephew. He has no other friends because apparently he got sick of their BS...

Gymgirl.

 

Also, in future keep away from these types. The social services or other agencies are there to help them. It isn't your job to be his "mother", "keeper" "therapist" "fixer".

Gymgirl.

 

Also, in future keep away from these types. The social services or other agencies are there to help them. It isn't your job to be his "mother", "keeper" "therapist" "fixer".

It was a stupid decision. When we first started chatting it was my understanding he had a job. Then he tells me that he wants to be honest with me and that he hasn't returned to work yet. I should have ran then. On his profile it showed that he was employed so that means he lied. Well of course you aren't going to get many responses if it says you aren't working, but he was not honest, and he goes on and on how he wants someone who is honest. WHat a crock

Your eyes have been opened, GymG. Good.

 

Sigh! People can say ANYTHING online. Say they are someone they are not....

Good plan to extricate him. You and your son need the resources for your own futures and you both need a happy peaceful home.

 

This is because parasites move from host to host looking for a free blood-sucking meal..of course to the detriment of the host.

He has no other friends because apparently he got sick of their BS...

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Your eyes have been opened, GymG. Good.

 

Sigh! People can say ANYTHING online. Say they are someone they are not....

Its sad really, I am always honest in my profiles and its funny how he likes to say how dishonest people are, and how he wants to be happy. No he doesn't. He wants a slave.

Maybe time to try a little dating in 3D, Gymgirl.

Good plan to extricate him. You and your son need the resources for your own futures and you both need a happy peaceful home.

 

This is because parasites move from host to host looking for a free blood-sucking meal..of course to the detriment of the host.

, that's why he has not had a stable place to live for a while. He needs help. He just text me accusing of me of throwing something of his away that was on the table. Like I did it intentionally. You know, if I was ruthless I could lock him out tonight (he doesn't have the top lock).

Maybe time to try a little dating in 3D, Gymgirl. I am going to be single for a while, but next time: no stable job, no apartment, no car=no chance with me.

Add to that: "crazies need not apply" !

Just reading through this and what you have written, Im just wondering are you ready for him to put up one final drama and lay the guilt trip on you, for kicking him out and breaking up with him. He sounds to me that he is going to try again when you finally give him the boot.

 

I would also have someone on standby to change the locks when he is gone or take back his keys etc and make sure he leaves them

Add to that: "crazies need not apply" !

Yeah, that doesn't work either. Because my boyfriend loved to say how crazy his baby mama was and all along he was the crazy one, or maybe both but he def isn't what you would call mentally stable.