why did my ex come back then leave again?

Hi. Have been reading these threads and they have helped save me! My bf of 4 years told me out of the blue 6 weeks ago hed met someone else! I begged and pleaded. The usual. We then spent a night together as if nothing had happened. In hindsight i should have talked to him but i was too scared. 3 days later i saw him in a post in Facebook saying he was in a relationship! I was destroyed! I called him and he said he was still making his mind up! Next day and for a few days hes texting as normal about his day etc. And one evening texting me all night about something we were enjoying on tv.next day he texts and hes abroad with her! Telling me about the weather! I told him he had no right to rub my nose in it! He carried on texting and calling the whole time he was away and as soon as he was home he came to get me to go for coffee! I asked ifbhe was happy and he said he was torn! I asked if we had a future and he said no. It had gone too far with the new one. So i cut contact. He lasted 3 days. Got drunk and called me crying he missed me. Next nighr he calls sober and we talked all night. 2 days later we are back together as far as i knew anyway. He was with me at least one or 2 nights a week. He works 4 nights a week. On the other nights and all day every day hes texting me constantly. Loving and fun texts. So last friday i knew it was his friends birthday. We had spent an amazing night together so i assumed he qas taking me to the party. Well that morning i see on facebook a message to our mutual friend from what i realised was his gf that she cluldnt wait to go to thw party with him that night. I collapsed at work! I text him a copy of the message and asked how he could do that to me. He replied 2 days later that he was so sorry. He had loved me with all his heart but had decided he wanted another child and she could give that to him. He came to see me later and i cried for 3 hours while he held me and kissed me. And we said goodbye. He then text yesterday to say how much pain he was in and how he couldnt apologise enough! I am totally devastated. I love and have loved this man more than i have anyone else! Why did he come back and make it so perfect and leave again and want to be with someone else?

Nothing about him coming back was perfect.

He was testing waters and dating you at the same time. He was using you.

You keep on letting him contact you without standing your ground.

Why is meaningless the only why you should answer is why are you letting him come back

So he could have sex with you. He wanted both of you. He will reach out again at some point hoping you will cave and sleep with him again. You need to put your foot down and end things and go no contact. That includes facebook.

Why did he come back and make it so perfect and leave again and want to be with someone else?

he wanted another child and she could give that to him.

It truly astounds me how so many people can be so selfish and so careless with another person's feelings. I hope you'll cut this guy off completely. He shouldn't get to waffle back and forth between you and this other girl. He sounds really immature. I know how much it hurts, but please believe that you deserve better. Easier said than done, I know. But start by cutting all contact, forever. Otherwise he will keep manipulating you back in.

He is using you,, completely! Cut contact, no calls/texts,,, move on without him, cry/rage/fume,,, but don't ever let him know,,, he's having you because you want him to,,,

Thank you. I have started NC today. It is so hard when weve not been out of contact for more than a few hours for 4 years. Hes my best friend . i cannot understand how someone i loved and who loved me can act like this! Yesterday when he text to tell me how much pain he was in i couldnt beleive it. Its as if he thinks its ok to have treated me this way as long as he says hes suffering as much as i am . when he has someone new he is already planning his future with. I dont understand what happened to the man i knew and trusted with my life. And no i wont be letting him back in yet again Though i feel its final now. He probably feels relieved he doesnt have to lie to either of us or pretend to love me

Excellent choice to go no contact and block him.

Who wants to listen to this self serving self pitying drivel?

he text to tell me how much pain he was in

Some "best friend".

Really, would YOU treat a "best friend" the way he's treated you?

He gave all kinds of signs he wasn't really all in when he started seeing you again.

So, don't allow him back.

Why is he still able to message you? Haven't you blocked him? And if not, why not? Are you still hoping he picks you?

I blocked him today when i started NC. Hes turned it around so i feel like i am going mad

I have thought about this and i feel it may just be an excuse to make his exit easier for me. Ive heard from a friend who used to work with the new girlfriend that she had a hysterectomy 3 years ago. Either shes lied to him or hes lied to me. Either way someone is lying

True, the bs that people use as an exit can be anything from entertaining to madding to ridiculous. It's to make it easier for Themselves by dumping this saccharine on it.

I have thought about this and i feel it may just be an excuse to make his exit easier for me.