How to become emotionally stronger?

My ex was emotionally abusive and completely broke me down. I keep hearing the best way to heal is to value myself and become emotionally stronger but how does one accomplish that?

Also how does one stop thinking about their ex?

Realize that your place on this earth is your place, not anyone else's. Realize that emotions are signs just like physical feelings. This feels good...continue. This sucks...stop. All creatures are equipped with this. Tap into that.

Also realize that many emotions can be a product of our thoughts, real or not like a scary movie. Then your thoughts override the thought driven emotions. 'oh it's just a movie'.

Then there is simply not giving into too many unwanted useless emotions or rather applying emotions effectively. Also emotions that feel bad run their course, just as good ones do.

Maybe a better way to put it, is work on having a stronger sense of what is right and wrong. People who fall into abuse, generally have fuzzy boundaries on that. It's like you know that black is black and white is white. But then you have some guy come along point to white and go "that's black". Now your initial reaction may be, "well no that's white", but the guy will persevere and start pushing your boundaries with something like "oh gosh, what's wrong with your vision, that's definitely black how are you not able to see it's black, somethings is wrong with you". So here is where you have in the past given in to that and here is where going forward you won't. Basically, take a deep breath and think about it. You know what you are looking at is white and you know that you don't have vision problems, therefore this guy is messing with your head so you should send him packing. Another alternative is to check with reliable friends that you respect and know will tell you the truth, "look at that over there is it white or black". This is also known as doing a reality check on yourself and your perceptions. Your friends will confirm that it's indeed white and the guy is the nutcase. So that's how you become stronger - by not allowing a rogue individual (even if he is your boyfriend) to start skewing what you know is right.

The value yourself or giving yourself self worth is get involved with something and become good at it. Whether it's a hobby, a sport, a job, volunteering for some cause - whatever interests you, immerse yourself. It will give you a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, value and therefore self worth and...yeah....dump any guy who tries to tell you that what you do is getting in the way of spending ALL your time with him. The right guy will be proud of and support what you do and what you are passionate about and never ask or demand that you quit or cut back on that.

I, too, have had a bad relationship with a man that I've loved like nothing before. He was also emotionally abusive. I put up with 3 years of BS before I finally called it quits. I just wanted so badly to love and be loved, and I rarely feel like I can be very close with people. It hurts when you open yourself up to someone that breaks you down from the inside. You have to be the one to stand up for yourself, because it does not get better unless he makes a valid effort. There it's probably some insecurity brewing in him, and instead of bucking up and dealing with it, he takes it out on you, makes you deal with something you don't deserve. The longer you draw it out, the more painful it will be. And try to do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy in the meantime! Having a support system with people who care for you is the best way to take your mind off the loneliness and pain that comes after a break up. Its not easy, but you have to take care of No. 1! Remind yourself of all the good things in your life, and reflect on how you can't afford to jeopardize your own happiness in pursuit of a love that doesn't allow you to grow or be free. Do NOT lose yourself chasing someone else that could not care less. Please

I, too, have had a bad relationship with a man that I've loved like nothing before. He was also emotionally abusive. I put up with 3 years of BS before I finally called it quits. I just wanted so badly to love and be loved, and I rarely feel like I can be very close with people. It hurts when you open yourself up to someone that breaks you down from the inside. You have to be the one to stand up for yourself, because it does not get better unless he makes a valid effort. There it's probably some insecurity brewing in him, and instead of bucking up and dealing with it, he takes it out on you, makes you deal with something you don't deserve. The longer you draw it out, the more painful it will be. And try to do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy in the meantime! Having a support system with people who care for you is the best way to take your mind off the loneliness and pain that comes after a break up. Its not easy, but you have to take care of No. 1! Remind yourself of all the good things in your life, and reflect on how you can't afford to jeopardize your own happiness in pursuit of a love that doesn't allow you to grow or be free. Do NOT lose yourself chasing someone else that could not care less. Please

Oh you sound so much like me. I also do not open up to people easily so I am so attached to this person who time in and out just crushes me and brings me down in so many ways.

And when I am away I run back to avoid the pain.

First, it's so important to stop the abuse -- which might mean not running back into the arms of your ex whenever things get hard. You may not actually be doing this, but if you are always thinking about your ex then you are still being controlled. A bad relationship is like an addiction: you go through the up and down cycle over and over again, stuck in the same pattern. If you keep doing the same things you've been doing, you will get the same results. You need a game changer - a loving friend, a therapist, a hobby, a spiritual path, moving to a new city, a renewed sense of your own worth and power. What are your patterns when life gets hard? What are your coping mechanisms, and are they helping or hurting in the long run? Emotional strength is nothing more or less than the ability to step outside your life and see it with new eyes. If your best friend found herself in the exact situation you are in, what advice would you give her? Change is never easy, but joy is the ultimate destination. It's worth the effort it requires to get there. Decide what you want and keep fighting until you get it. Everyone experiences setbacks, everyone struggles to find the right set of rewards/consequences that works for them. But if you keep your eye on the goal and keep experimenting, you will learn what you need to learn. Your thoughts are focused on your ex because it's the path of lease resistance - a rut that you've been stuck in for too long. It's not enough to say, "I don't want to think about that anymore." You have to replace those thoughts with something else -- create a new, more positive, healthier way of thinking and feeling and being. Your self-image is shattered. Rebuild it. What do you want others to see when they look at you? What do you want to see when you look at yourself? It may seem false at first, when you look at the distance between who you are and who you want to be, but changing the way you see yourself is a good beginning. What's the smallest habit change you could make that would result in the biggest difference? Take control of something -- anything. Exercise, work, friendships, eating -- start really small, like walking for 5 minutes a day -- and grow from there. By gaining control of some area of your life, you'll begin to see that you are not powerless, that you do get a vote in this process of becoming who you want to be. You don't just have to react the same way you've been reacting, letting other people define you and put you down. Rise up. Become who you were meant to be. Chart your own course. Change your thinking and change your life.

My ex was emotionally abusive and completely broke me down. I keep hearing the best way to heal is to value myself and become emotionally stronger but how does one accomplish that?

Also how does one stop thinking about their ex?

First off block your ex. From phone, email, all social media. Put any reminders of him (her?) in a box or toss them.

And stop checking his social media, if in fact that is what you are doing.

All these things help in extricating him from your consciousness..

How to become emotionally stronger? By raising your self-esteem.

Volunteering, helping others is a great way to raise your self-esteem and increase your self-worth and self-respect.

In helping others, you help yourself.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen, a hospital, an elderly care facility, even just making sandwiches and handing out to the homeless! I have done that.... while you are helping them, you end up feeling valuable yourself... and thus helping yourself become stronger as well.

Pay it forward you know?

Also, become a more interesting person. Take a class in something that interests you, read more, become more knowledgeable.

When you realize what a good and valuable person you really are, you become stronger and are better able to overcome adversity and become more resilient when hurt and disappointed...

Speaking from experience!

Best of luck!

the best way to heal is to value myself and become emotionally stronger but how does one accomplish that?

Stem sentence completion excercises by Nathaniel Branden. Google it.