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Chorichori

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  1. Thank you. Yes I definitely feel that way. I go back because I say 'but he said he loved me a few days ago why is he doing this now?' Then I start to feel as if I did something wrong and just keep chasing him and pushing him to return. I become desperate and even start begging. I'm glad you can relate. It is very difficult and painful to just cut contact and walk away and to answer the question 'why do you go back' when others ask. But I do hope to finally let go and better myself.
  2. I was rereading your posts again. I am trying to do this now. My biggest issue is always texting people and then having to deal with the pain that arises being alone. How did you get past it all?
  3. I reread all your comments daily. I do hope I can keep away and get rid of this toxic attachment i have to this person. The no contact gets hard because my mind starts to wander or I fear I have lost him and want to get in touch again. It seems impossible and it is painful. Just hope it gets easier and eventually I'll get better.
  4. Thank you. I realized that my ex also has this fear of being alone so we both feed off one another. He would praise how important it was to go out, party, have a ton of friends etc even called me a loser for now having a bigger social circle or going out. Made it seem it was necessary. Since then I always panic when I am alone or when I see him out with people. I start to get scared. I agree with what you are saying. I compare my life to his so much. I focus on him and not myself. That he is out with his friends hurts me when in reality partying and drinking are things I do not even enjoy. But I feel as if I have to do it and enjoy it to make myself feel happy and content. He would say it a part of his lifestyle that Its vital because we are young. Not sure if I'm making sense right now.
  5. Worst part is that I know that but I do not let go. I have the idea that I'll keep him around but the moment I find Mr. Right I will let him go in a second.
  6. Does spending time with yourself truly make you emotionally stronger? I realized that I give all my attention and care to this guy and not myself. I have not focused on myself at all. Which is why I still have some issues in my life unresolved. For example I would make sure he goes to the doctor for a check up but will not care if I have a health issue that needs addressing. Also did you have ever the experience where the guy made you feel guilty? As if you had to help him or talk to him when he needed you to because you owed him
  7. I disagree with you. I am not looking for a different answer I am looking for support from people who can relate to my experience. Whom can guide me to a positive direction. Posting on such forums allows people to give insight into their relationships and how they moved on. Remember not every person is the same. In addition the feeling of encouragement and kind words directed from people helps immensely as well. I am pretty sure i already made the decision to protect myself by asking this question. And i disagree that I have to 'wait' to love myself. You sound pretty negative and seem like you are putting me down. When i am just seeking some guidance. But anyhow Thanks for your opinion.
  8. That is exactly me. I go from one relationship to the next and honestly I have never been happy in any one of my relationships. Its funny you mentioned it I am actually feeling extreme feelings of jealousy towards my ex. Something I have never felt before and its such a negative emotion that I want it gone. When you picked Friday and Saturday to be alone days did you also turn your phone off and not talk to people? I have started to spend days alone but am constantly on my phone.
  9. I put up with months of lies and put downs from this guy. Then discovered he has cheated. I was going through my own issues at the time and instead of supporting me he just cheated. Did not even tell me, his sister did. I loved him so much I would have forgive him so I did it back. I slept with two guys to ensure he would not take me back and being the hypocritical jerk that he is, he called me a sl** and did not. We initiated contact again and started talking and seeing one another while still having major arguments and trust issues. One day he will be nice and say he loves me the next he will put me down, break me, exploit my weaknesses and say that he will never be with someone like me. He is so hurtful that I loose myself and fall into a deep depression where I want to hurt myself. I become miserable and negative. When I walk away he comes back and becomes nice and loving. Then few days later just starts the emotional abuse again. I think my issue is that I do not value or love myself. I am afraid to be alone so I cannot let go of this monster. I know I deserve better but why can't I just leave.
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