Is sexting cheating if it makes your relationship/sex life better?

So I've been with my boyfriend for five years and I love him. I wouldn't dream do anything unfaithful or that would hurt him. A (male) friend and I came to the topic of sexting. I believe he was trying to engage with me in this manner, saying it would improve my sex life with my partner. I didn't follow through because I knew it would hurt my bf regardless if he found out or not. I'm curious to know how others feel about this subject. Is it cheating? What if it improves your relationship?

Again I'm not interested in following through. I'm more interested in the idea of it, as it is pretty new to me. And I'm curious to know how others feel about this. It's kind of on the lines of watching pornography/sexual entertainment.

"Improves your relationship?" He must be a genius to come up with that one.

Seriously, that would be emotionally cheating which will likely tear apart a relationship. In short, cheating is cheating...

Well it's not cheating. It is one of those things that will hurt him because he could view the situation differently than it really is. But I think the thought of it is fun, just not worth it

Sexting with others NEVER improves your relationship . Communicating with your partner improves your relationship . Sexting is emotional cheating. And if your friend encouraged you to do this they are no friend whatsoever . It is time to toss them in the trash bin .

How would sexting another man improve your relationship with your boyfriend? Your "friend" is simply saying whatever he thinks will get you to entertain his fantasy. This "new" idea came out of the mouth of the guy who wants you to get freaky with him. See the ulterior motive there? Unless you have discussed it with your partner and been given his blessing, yes it is a betrayal.

What if you sexted a stranger? I don't see how this is different than husbands going to strip clubs. Men get lap dances, and go home to their wives. I suppose if I were really going to do this, I would approach my boyfriend with honesty and see how he felt. If he approved, then I suppose it's "acceptable" ... But again, not following through!

If it's not something you would feel comfortable telling your partner about, or better yet doing in front of your partner, that's a big clue it's cheating.

I agree. This "friend" is trying to manipulate the situation

I suppose the argument is if you can indulge in sexual fantasy a little then the actual sex might be more passionate. I almost bought into it for a second.

What if you sexted a stranger? I don't see how this is different than husbands going to strip clubs. Men get lap dances, and go home to their wives. I suppose if I were really going to do this, I would approach my boyfriend with honesty and see how he felt. If he approved, then I suppose it's "acceptable" ... But again, not following through!

Does your bf do all this stuff. If not why would you?

Why not sext with your man if you are both into that then? No need to take this out of the relationship. The 'friend' really was lazy in his attempt to get something eh!?

Has your boyfriend met this friend or is he someone you just met recently?

Why not sext with your man if you are both into that then?

That's my question, too.

Does your bf do all this stuff. If not why would you?

I agree with you. I wouldn't feel happy if my bf treated me this way and I know he wouldn't like it either. I did not engage with this "friend" but it made me view the concept differently. After five years my bf and I have to get creative to make our sex passionate and I know he's not necessarily thinking of me the whole time and I'm not thinking of him the whole time either. How is this not "cheating" - this to me seems to be on the same lines, i.e. sexual entertainment that improves one's sex life w partner

I agree with you. I wouldn't feel happy if my bf treated me this way and I know he wouldn't like it either. I did not engage with this "friend" but it made me view the concept differently. After five years my bf and I have to get creative to make our sex passionate and I know he's not necessarily thinking of me the whole time and I'm not thinking of him the whole time either. How is this not "cheating" - this to me seems to be on the same lines, i.e. sexual entertainment that improves one's sex life w partner

Uhhhh no. Sexting with some tool who would like to see the demise of your relationship so you can be with him is not the same thing as fantasies in your head . Sorry , it just isn't .

Again, to me it's like...men go to strip clubs and get lap dances, yet this is socially acceptable. If that same person receives unsolicited nudey pics from a female friend it's somehow less appropriate. All context aside, these two situations seem identical to me.

this to me seems to be on the same lines, i.e. sexual entertainment that improves one's sex life w partner

I would be more inclined to categorize strip clubs, lap dances, and sexting with others as sexual entertainment that drives a wedge between one's sex life w partner, not entertainment that improves it.

But I guess ultimately, it depends on you and your partner. If this is what the two of you like, then there's nothing wrong with it. But if you're doing it behind each other's backs just to get yourselves off, then it's like cheating.

Uhhhh no. Sexting with some tool who would like to see the demise of your relationship so you can be with him is not the same thing as fantasies in your head . Sorry , it just isn't .

I agree. Fortunately, this is NOT what happened. Again, please bear in mind I'm only exploring the idea and concept of this. I'm trying to make sense why some acts are so socially acceptable and others are not. This applies not at all to my personal life.

I would be more inclined to categorize strip clubs, lap dances, and sexting with others as sexual entertainment that drives a wedge between one's sex life w partner, not entertainment that improves it.

Thank you. I appreciate that perspective. I think you made a good point

Again, to me it's like...men go to strip clubs and get lap dances, yet this is socially acceptable. If that same person receives unsolicited nudey pics from a female friend it's somehow less appropriate. All context aside, these two situations seem identical to me.

Socially acceptable for who? Society? What matters is how it is viewed by your partner. Society may be okay with my boyfriend/hubby hanging out at strip clubs and getting lap dances; I on the other hand would not find it acceptable at all. There are ladies out there who wouldn't care, but I will go out on a limb and say that most would. So - if your boyfriend is okay with it, go for it. There are other ways to spice up your sex life that don't involve bringing other people into the fold. Surely you can come up with something else...together?

I agree. Fortunately, this is NOT what happened. Again, please bear in mind I'm only exploring the idea and concept of this. I'm trying to make sense why some acts are so socially acceptable and others are not. This applies not at all to my personal life.

To me none of those acts are acceptable.

OP,

What is cheating?

There is a statistical norm but unless you intend to date the entire dating population at once, the norm doesn't matter.

For example, some couples permit others in for 3 way and 4 way playtime. Is that cheating? What if I see one of them on my own, or only a sam sex one? Is that cheating?

To me, what is unacceptable is defined as any act that creates a pathway outside of our bond. If the connection strengthens our bond, then perhaps it is acceptable.

This gets touchy when the people in the relationship have differences of opinion. In such cases, it is best they talk it out, give each other some leeway and some self-containment, and look the other way when necessary if as agreed.

Cheating is anything you would not do if your partner was right next to you. That varies from couple to couple. For me, this would be cheating.

Again, to me it's like...men go to strip clubs and get lap dances, yet this is socially acceptable. If that same person receives unsolicited nudey pics from a female friend it's somehow less appropriate. All context aside, these two situations seem identical to me.

Not at all identical.

Strip clubs etc employ people to entertain you. They are otherwise unknown and unavailable.

Someone on your cell phone is knowable and in charge of her schedule, such that you both may choose to make yourselves to each other. And, presumably, knows you are in a rl. So, wth? Why the pics?

Not. The. Same.

I would be more inclined to categorize strip clubs, lap dances, and sexting with others as sexual entertainment that drives a wedge between one's sex life w partner, not entertainment that improves it.

 

But I guess ultimately, it depends on you and your partner. If this is what the two of you like, then there's nothing wrong with it. But if you're doing it behind each other's backs just to get yourselves off, then it's like cheating.

I appreciate your response and agree with what you said. I guess I was trying to understanding the idea of sexting as indulging in fantasies but in actuality it's commiting an act of infidelity. Again, it's not something I did or would do. But I just wanted to make sense of what it meant. I think this "friend" was trying to mislead me with ulterior intention and I appreciate the clarification. Thanks for everyone's responses