First fight in our relationship...not sure where to go from here.

I normally work weekends but asked for this weekend off and got it. Since its a few days before my birthday, my friend convinced me we should hit the town to celebrate. I thought that sounded great and figured it would be an awesome and laid back opportunity for my boyfriend of almost a year to meet my friends and vice versa. He is a very busy guy but I let him know I really wanted him to come. This is when he suddenly started telling me work was really busy and he had to work ALL weekend. I wouldn't have cared, but I've noticed he uses that excuse when important dates come up, like valentine's or our 6 month anniversary. I always thought he just wasn't the "romantic" type and I'm not either so I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. But my gut told me this was just another one of those times, which made me feel kinda bad and I just straight up told him that if he didn't want to go he could just tell me that. He then got extremely defensive saying that I only invited him as a formality and that I didn't want him to go and that I probably invited another guy. I was like woah, where is this coming from. I tried to explain how I felt but he wouldn't listen and he never called me back. Honestly I don't even feel like going out anymore and I don't know what to do. I apologized, I realize I jumped to conclusions thinking he was just trying to get out of it, but in my defense he had done it before. It's just seems like a silly reason to have our first fight about. I wish I never even brought it up in the first place.

Sounds like a douche. Dump him. If he likes you he'll beg you for a second chance. Then it's up to you if you give him one. Then you can issue terms, such as if you get back together he's more attentive, etc.

This guy is out of line. He is manipulative and turns the tables on you, to him the attack is the best defense. Insinuating that you have invited another guy to divert the blame on you. This is not an honest way to communicate.

And listen to your gut feeling, if it tells you this guy avoids important occasions on purpose, then your gut is most probably right.

Stop apologizing, it is not you who has to apologize in this situation.

This guy sounds like he has a ton of baggage (the comment about you probably inviting another guy without any context for thinking that, etc.), and is clearly very self-absorbed. He sounds like he's in no way invested in this relationship, but I'm going by these incidents you site in the post of course. Don't be a doormat. He's argued you into feeling to blame here, when the facts are pretty clear.

We're talking about your birthday... him not being enthusiastic to celebrate it with you is bad enough, but arguing the way he did - completely irrationally and turning the tables on you like that - is beyond awful.

I was in your shoes once and I let it slide because "well, I made it worse like he said..." and I entered into the most abusive, confusing, controlling, devastating relationship of my life. I was cheated on and verbally abused many many times. The reason so many abuse sufferers wind up sticking around is their abusive partner is often very skilled at subtly undermining them and making them feel to blame, guilty,or somehow responsible for the actions/ responses of the abuser.

This is a warning sign you really should not ignore. When someone argues like that - turning the tables and making you feel somehow like you did something wrong when you are pointing out that they did something REALLY wrong, it's a tactic. It's an effective one. Put your foot down, when he contacts you make clear you won't be treated this way, and frankly, get out before you're any more invested in this guy.

Whether his work excuse was valid or not, he already told you he didn't want to go, so there was no point in pursuing it further. You can't argue someone into wanting what he doesn't want. However, the guy showed you a mean streak that demo's where he goes when he feels cornered. I'd pay serious attention to that, because it predicts an awfully dismal future if you stay with him.

What, exactly, does this guy bring to the table that's so fabulous?

I think many here are jumping to conclusions......and to label someone douche to tell them to leave because of this is just.....I don't know, absurd and ridicules?

OP, You can't be "none romantic" and expect romance. You can't "play off events like they are nothing" and then expect him to be there or care for them.

YOU set the stage, expect the stage to be how YOU set it.

When you said "I straight up told him", this TO ME sounds like you got defensive and offensive. Which usually forces the other party to do the same, and so he did.

There is a valuable lesson to learn in all this.

NEVER EVER get defensive OR offensive. Look those up, these 2 things break up LOTS of marriages and relationships. The goal (in any argument or conversation) is to remain calm, never let your emotions take over and keep it cool.

HOW you say things is WAY more important than what you actually say.

This is a simple communication issue that needs work (especially if you guys are young). Very common stuff.

He is an awesome guy. He is very supportive and understanding, smart, hard working. There is a lot of good stuff tohim. Which is why this whole thing was very off putting. He never said he was going or not, just kept talking about his work schedule. I felt that was his way of letting me down easy which is why I said what I said. And I apologized for it, because that was me letting my emotions get the better of me. I don't know what else to do besides not go out anymore.

Sorry he can't have it both ways. Obstructing you from going and telling you he's busy. Why don't you socialize together and why is he so controlling? You don't need his permission to go if he declines the invitation. just go and have fun while he "works all weekend".

work was really busy and he had to work ALL weekend.

Sorry he can't have it both ways. Obstructing you from going and telling you he's busy. Why don't you socialize together and why is he so controlling? You don't need his permission to go if he declines the invitation. just go and have fun while he "works all weekend".

Agreed. Don't feel obligated to only go out when he is available, especially if he is extra busy at work.

WATCH his workoholic issue closely. Workhololics make some of the worst partners....as you end up with NO quality time.

All of the good stuff you've seen is normal in the beginning of relationship. After the rose-colored glasses are removed at about the 4-6 month mark, the real person is revealed. Do you think that he is a workaholic? Does he value work above all else? Does he never take a day off, even if he's sick? If so, you can know this is who he is and he won't change, so either accept it or walk away. Even if he doesn't care about Valentine's Day or anniversaries or birthdays, he should be caring enough about your feelings and make it special for you, even if it has to be on another day that is convenient for both of you.

What would happen if you asked him to join you and meet your friends on his day off? If he is avoiding meeting them, what is the reason? Does he not see being with you as a long term thing? Is he unsociable. Does he have any friends of his own that he hangs out with? Have you met any of them?

You both made mistakes in communication. You probably asked "if he didn't want to go to just tell you" in anger, and then he lashed back. His response was an abusive attack. You will have to discuss argument boundaries with him. Le him know you are not a doormat and don't have unconditional love for him. Discuss healthier ways of communication, and if you don't know how to do that, read some articles or books on the subject.

You should know that if a relationship is upsetting and frustrating more than satisfying, then it's not the right one for you. What does he do that makes you feel special, and what type of effort does he put into the relationship, or are you doing all of the planning and jumping through hoops to make everything work for his schedule? These are things to think about when deciding to move on further with him or not.

I think if he said he was busy with work, you should have just left it at that. Truth is, you really have no idea, and its not your position to assume he is making it up. That would make me so mad if my boyfriend ever accused me of lying when telling him I'm busy working. And I don't think 6 month anniversary is even a thing. However.... Why in the WORLD did he jump to assuming you already asked out another guy? What? That's not right. I wouldn't want him to come out with me after that, he clearly has some issues to work through. I'm not necessarily saying you should jump to dumping him, but he definitely has some explaining to do. That is NOT an accusation to just throw around like that.

I do think all of us are coming from a place of not knowing how the whole relationship is for you. Is there a reason for him to think you'd invite another guy? Was that a baseless accusation just so he could disarm you when you asked him to explain, or has there been an instance before?

My issue is not so much with him being busy and not making the time for you, but the way he reacted when you voiced your concerns - especially his not returning your call. That's a petty, immature way of handling a dispute, and I would never be okay with that. That being said, of course my response was coming from only knowing a very small portion of the story.

I still believe you should follow your gut and never apologize for addressing something that seems off. It's not an assumption - it has been a pattern you've noticed in him. Work is not a get out of jail free card. If you feel neglected, you have every right to talk it out with him without feeling punished for it. If you were railing off on him, that's one thing, but it sounds to me like you were pointing out something that seemed like a recurring pattern you wanted help understanding, and his response was to shut you down, accuse you of something without having any reason to (that we know of from your post) and then stonewall you after. It's emotional blackmail and for me that's deal breaker stuff, but again - you know more than any of us do about him.