Abortion

Just recently, a few days ago actually.. I had an abortion at 12 weeks. I feel so many emotions. I feel upset, depressed, relieved, stressed all at the same time. I can't talk to anyone about this except my partner.

I am 21 years old and my partner is 23. We have been together for 3 years and are in a serious relationship. I am on the pill.

There are many reasons for my abortion. These being 1) I am not financially stable to be a mother, as I am being made redundant next month and my partner works away all the time therefore he is barely around. And with my job being made redundant, I do not expect him to support me aswell as a baby. He barely gets by week by week.

2) I am not mentally prepared to be a mother and my partner a father. I feel like we both still have alot to learn. We are both still young and do not feel like this is the right time to have a child.

Judge me all you want, but if I were to have a child I would want to be able to provide for it the way it deserves and my boyfriend agrees.

Anyway. It's been 3 days since I had the abortion and no one knows except my partner. I feel so alone and do not feel like I can talk about this to anyone, as abortion is such a touchy subject to some. I'm so sore, my mood is all over the place and I know this will all settle, but right now, it feels endless.

Is there any women out there who can provide me with some advice? Have you also had an abortion? Do you know someone who has? How do you feel?

Thank you.

I would call your local women's health center or Planned Parenthood and find out if there are resources for free counseling.

I haven't had an abortion but my understanding is that your hormones will be all over the place and that it is a very emotional experience for the vast majority of women. My mother had an abortion, and she got through it and lived on to have a happy life. From your post, it sounds like you are trying to defend your decision against an invisible "judge". In my opinion, your decision was valid given the circumstances and time in your life. In any case though, abortion is a very personal decision and it is no one's place to judge. No need to discuss it with people who are touchy/unsupportive about it. Are there any supportive family or friends that you could talk to? Also, if your abortion clinic has an emotional support/counselling service, maybe it would help to check it out. Good luck and wishes for a speedy recovery!

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate your help.

I just wanted to put the judge thing in there because I know there can be some heartless people out there with the possibility of commenting saying Im a horrible person but I'm just looking for some help from others in the same situation.

Thank you again!

Nobody is (or should) judge you! You made a reasonable decision based on your current situation, and if you ask me, I think it was the smart one, I would have done the same if I was in your shoes.

I never had an abortion myself, but from what I heard from those who did, it can really mess up your hormones for a while. What you're experiencing is natural, and will pass with time.

((hugs))

OP, I think you are very brave for getting an abortion. And I think you did the right thing, 110%. I think too many people look at abortion negatively. I am a huge proponent of abortion, for many reasons including the reasons why you got yours.

You are more than welcome to vent your feelings on this forum. If you need to, find a counselor/professional as well to talk to. I'm sure overtime you will move on from this negative period in your life.

You are not a horrible person. What you do need is an outlet and support to help you get through all of the emotions you are feeling. That's to be expected with something like this.

Vent here all you want. I do also recommend (as did others) that you see a counselor in person to also express your feelings and work through all of the emotions you are going through. There is no need to try to get through this on your own.

I'm really sorry you had to make a decision like this. I can tell that while you don't regret it, it was still devastating in its own way. I wish you a speedy recovery and second the other poster that recommended looking into counseling sessions through Planned Parenthood or somewhere similar. I would also Google something like "abortion counseling" and see what pops up... I did the same with "alcoholic meetings" and found the group I go to presently, which is for Adult Children of Alcoholics. They are free and they've saved me. I hope you can find something that will help you.

Best wishes, Mandy! Keep posting here if it makes you feel better. We're here for you.

I also think you were very courageous and though I've never been in your situation, I think you made the right decision for yourself. I agree that probably counselling would definitely help, to talk about it and not have to "sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen."

OP it is logical that you feel alone. We don't walk around and talk about our abortion experiences. I too have had an abortion, 6 to 8 weeks. Nobody knows, not my best friends even. I ruined one budding relationship by getting drunk and talking about it. I must have needed an outlet.

I didn't find the planned parenthood group helpful; I felt healthier than the other women and also couldn't hear my own thoughts. I didn't even know I needed to forgive myself, but I did.

Writing to share my exprerience. Please remember as you walk around that women all around you have chosen to end a pregnancy. Our stories are untold.

Also, there are inaccurate messages out there - abortion (one or several) does not damage your ability to carry a child etc. later. Of course, it's a medical procedure and carries risks. If all things are normal, have no fear in that regard.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate your help.

 

I just wanted to put the judge thing in there because I know there can be some heartless people out there with the possibility of commenting saying Im a horrible person but I'm just looking for some help from others in the same situation.

 

Thank you again!

I've never had an abortion...but I did get pregnant at 24.

I love my daughter. She's awesome.

But I do wonder what my life would have been like if I had terminated. I debated it seriously when I found out I was pregnant. It's been a long, hard road. Ultimately, her dad and I weren't mature enough to figure out how to stay together, so I primarily did it alone.

If I had terminated, I would have completed my secondary education. I would have a completely different life now. A much easier life than I've had.

As my bf and I talk about trying for a baby in the next year or two...I felt this tremendous guilt. My next child will live a completely different life than my (now) 7 year old had. I'm financially secure now. I'm not working 12 hour days. I'm not too exhausted to play with her in the evenings now...but I was for the first 5 years of her life. Now my friends are starting their families- up until now, I've been the only one in my peer group with a child. At the PTA meetings- I'm almost 10 years younger than every other parent there. Because I didn't have a peer group- I learned parenting through trial and error...a lot of errors.

People that judge don't get it.

You made the right decision for you. And I agree with you- it's much better to wait until you're ready for a child than to bring one into the world when you're completely not equipped to deal with one.

You're young. You have so much time....time to grow up, time to become your own person, time to become financially responsible with a savings account...and you have plenty of time to be a mother...when you're ready.

You're going to be okay. I'm sorry that you went through this- it was a hard decision...but it was your decision, and you were thinking of the best interest of what life would be like for that potential child, and yourself....and you're right- life with a baby will be much easier in 5-10 years from now. So don't feel guilty.

Learn from this. Look into getting an iud, or some other form of birth control that is less prone to errors. And really, you should be proud of yourself for making such a hard decision and putting the best interest of a better future first.

You'll be okay.

Do you have one good friend that you can at least talk to? Or is your mom someone you can talk to about this? Bfs are good, but sometimes men don't always get it- there's a mess of hormones right now that they never experience

(((Hugs))))

Thank you again. I'm feeling so much better reading all these comments on this post.

I do have someone I'm very close to that I can talk to, but I just feel kind of guilty as she has been trying for a baby for a while now. I will be okay, I think I am just going to go to a few counselling sessions and see how they go.