My fiancée has changed and I don't know how to approach the situation

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7.5 years and got engaged in February. We met at College and have lived together since 2010.

On reflection I think I've seen the changes over a longer period however it's only recently that it's really impacting on me. We have a good relationship, get along great, have the odd argument but generally have a good time. Recently though my girlfriend seems distant, constantly unhappy/grumpy and doesn't seem to be able to find enthusiasm for anything.

When we met we were both playing lots of sport, exercising lots and very sociable. We both had some interests that we shared and others which we took part in separately-it was a good balance.

Recently though she can't muster enthusiasm for anything and doesn't do anything. An evening consists of sitting on the sofa and her playing on her phone (candy crush or on a group chat she has with her friends on whatsapp) trying to talk to her which invariably either gets a one word response or none at all. Suggesting going out with friends for drinks at the weekend is generally met with an excuse about being too tired or just not wanting to. I still go to the gym and play some sport but she says it's too hard or she doesn't see progress so it's easier not to do it, which I have tried to support her through.

(Having read this back this next bit sounds very self absorbed but it's how I feel) What's really tipped the scales for me though is how little she appears to care for me. I've broken myself the last year to save for a ring, progress to a new job and coordinate a renovation at our flat. I still somehow seem to be the one to remember or do the little things, as small as we need milk and picking it up from the shops to doing some washing up on an evening. Even though I've taken a larger load of general day to day stuff she just doesn't seem to want to partake in an equal relationship anymore. I've brought this up with her and she says that work takes up most of her head space and she can't think.

Finally, wedding planning. I thought she would really enjoy planning our wedding together. However since day 1 it's been very negative (she knows what she doesn't want, but not what she does) and she just doesn't have any enthusiasm for it at all.

I brought up how I was feeling a month or so ago. She said she had no idea I was feeling like this and how she was making me feel. Things were better for a few days but then slipped back into it. Now I can barely speak to her without feeling like I'm treading on eggshells and her attitude when we speak some of the time is incredibly condescending/sharp with me.

I'm not sure what sort of advice I'm looking for. I love her and want to find a way to properly air my feelings to her in a way she will listen to and take notice.

I would bring up to her, AGAIN, that her lack of enthusiasm for life, for the relationship and for the wedding is giving you pause for thought. And that, having told her this already...to have things revert to status quo in only a few days you find it very disheartening. A relationship is a partnership and if she has no desire to carry her weight...and there is no physical reason why she cannot...that perhaps she needs to see a counselor for possible depression.

She sounds depressed and indifferent to how you're feeling. She also seems to just take you for granted. I really recommend that you discuss going to couples counselling together and if she's not motivated enough to make your relationship a pleasant one, then don't marry her. A marriage licence and a multi-thousand dollar wedding isn't going to motivate her to change.

Sorry your union is in such a slump but if she can't articulate to you why she is so apathetic and basically just generally miserable, then hopefully a professional can help her get to the bottom of it. Hopefully, she's willing to go with you.

For whatever reason, she's checked out of the relationship. It may just be that she has grown complacent.

Some women can especially feel like this after becoming engaged (I.e. She's "won" you, so she doesn't "try" as much anymore)

Obviously, you need to nip this in the bud before you get married.

I think the thing to do is have a talk again. A very serious and honest one. Start with that she does not seem at all excited about the wedding planning and that it has you concerned that she is not excited about marrying you. A bride's excitement should not be over the details of the party anyway, she should be overjoyed to be marrying the man of her dreams.

If she isn't, then you are right to worry. If she's having doubts about the marriage, you deserve to know. It's possible she's getting cold feet and pushing you away on purpose, but only she can tell you if that's the case.

As far as not being active, maybe she's experiencing some depression? That can make you not want to go out.

As far as you and she are concerned, only you know the differences between then and now. Is it just that she's not doing as much or do you honestly feel like she has lost her love for you?

It's possible that your relationship has gotten to the point where you just feel settled together. I don't mean to alarm you, but sometimes once people feel the relationship is set, their true self starts to emerge. Sometimes it manifests in a partner not being interested in doing certain things together anymore, not doing as many small favors for their partner, or a general sense of feeling like they "have you", so the requirement of "trying" is no longer needed.

No matter the case, you need to figure this out. You need to make your desire and expectations for marriage clear. This may sound a bit harsh, but better to know what you both want and expect going INTO the marriage then to go ahead with it and divorce because your definitions of it were never made clear to each other.

It's not selfish to know what you want and need from your partner, it's realistic. See what she says, if she seems unwilling to listen, try, or seek help if necessary, then you may need to rethink marrying her altogether.

I also think depression.

I suggest you do NOT keep bringing up marriage. I'm sure, at this time she isn't all into that. ( Doesn't mean she doesn't love you).

Depression makes you feel low and difficult to care for much. Might be a good idea for her to see her dr. And also look up depression on your own to try & understand it.

Sounds like she's on video games/entertainment which can be like drugs. People get addicted to that stuff and they just don't want to do anything but stay stuck to a screen. You can tell them to take care of milk or anything else but they will take any time they can get for that screen. And that spouse/significant other just becomes a burden on them because they keep stopping them from enjoying the screen.

The other thing is depression. Something is going on where she feels depressed. I recommend setting up time where it's just you and her talking. Also, chores list if she wants to do them, let her know this is what you need to keep going and ask her if she thinks it's fair to split up the chores.

Oh my...I can't believe your story. It sounds exactly like a story I actually listened to last week. Almost to the T. Almost same time length together, also planning for a wedding. Also she was on the phone all the time, also texting....! Seriously the only difference was his fiancé was not playing candy crush, but another popular game. Anyways...bottom line...he found out she was actually crushing on another guy and she covered the texting with the game, because she could swipe her smartphones screen down to text and put the game up for cover!

Not to scare you and not to say this is what is happening to you, but be on alert! I think she might be cheating and if not physically at least emotionally.

Sounds like she's on video games/entertainment which can be like drugs.