GF called out another mans name while dreaming.......great for my ears

We have had some issues regarding her lack of affection, and the fact that she has a lot of males friends.....I have become very observant of her and one thing that is strange to me is she is always pre-occuppied with her phone...always on FB, and always texting....within the last 2 weeks, her phone has been notifying of either incoming text or email ( I think its an email account that she has never made me aware of....I was next to her on the couch when it came in, she hunched over and I saw her go to a view notification page on her phone...that is all I saw..... I don't know about all this.....I am a light sleeper and it takes me a while to fall into deep sleep, she falls asleep quickly....so I am trying to relax my mind so I can sleep and then I hear her start giggling, then she moans twice and then says "**** me (I can't even repeat his name...makes me sick to my stomach)... then she gets two more notification rings ,,,,one @ 1230am and the other @130 am...... So of course at this point I am fully awake, part of me wanted to wake her up and go off, the other part of me wanted to hack into her phone ....YES...she keeps it locked all the time.....I didn't get any sleep and I know I will have to get this off my chest ASAP , the only problem is , she just had a family death and now is not the right time for additional chaos and drama as I have to support her and her family......

I am hurt simply because she is not a real affectionate person with me at all, she talks a good game but never follows through when it comes down to being intimate also; example: She will mention she wants to be with me a few times during the day and then when it comes down to that time she goes to sleep.....

If you were in my shoes how would you handle this? At this point I don't even know how to feel....angered, disappointed and honestly not trusting of anything she says to me regarding how she feels.....Im very sad and pissed at the same time

Do you dream about having sex with other woman in your dreams?

within the last 2 weeks, her phone has been notifying of either incoming text or email ( I think its an email account that she has never made me aware of....I was next to her on the couch when it came in, she hunched over and I saw her go to a view notification page on her phone...then she gets two more notification rings ,,,,one @ 1230am and the other @130 am......

 

In my view you have to let the dream go. People can't control their subconscious dreams, and Lord knows I've had my fair share of sexual dreams about people I'm not remotely interested in. Don't take that to heart.

 

The matter of her receiving emails, and hiding text messages from you is a different story. You need to call her out on that. Ask her straight out who is texting her at midnight? That is not appropriate if it is a guy. Remember you're her man, and she has to respect you. I'm the jealous type though, so there is no way I would put up with my wife hanging out with random guys and getting texts from them all hours of the day. Basically what I'm saying is you and her have to lay down ground rules and both of you have to respect them. If she doesn't, she's not showing you any respect or consideration or love.

 

Lastly, you have to work on yourself to make yourself better in the love-making department. If she isn’t showing any interest, she is letting you know with out saying the words, that there is a problem. You have to be honest with your technique and capabilities and stay queued into what she likes and responds to in bed. Work on yourself to be more sexually appealing, and she wont stray.

No offense but I don't have any problem with my sex or sex drive.....when we are intimate ...it is fire ...everytime..... I think the dreams email, and texts are all connected somehow...that is what my gut tells me.....and you are right she has to have respect as I have respect for the things that she will not tolerate...I always have.....

Do you dream about having sex with other woman in your dreams?

no......please don't respond to my post questioning me.....

no......please don't respond to my post questioning me.....

I'm sorry about this. It was merely an honest question and I wasn't trying to imply anything at all if that's what you were thinking.

Honestly, that weird texting business and lack of affection worries me a lot more then what she says in her sleep. I would focus on that and getting some answers.

Try not to put too much emphasis on what someone says when they are sleeping or drifting off to sleep. I am a talker when I drift off and I say really WEIRD strange things that have no basis in reality whatsoever. I've talked about sex before, but not with anyone specific (or so I'm told). It's just laughable, and I don't even remember it at all. It's really not indicative of anything.

If she's withdrawing from you affection-wise, and is getting texts/emails at all hours of the night from guys, then worry about that.

no......please don't respond to my post questioning me.....

Sometimes it's good to be questioned, as it reminds us that certain things (eg, dreaming of other people) is something that we all experience from time to time. We can get so caught up we can sometimes forget that.

Isn't amazing how once our "inner alarm" about someone goes off that we become hyper-focused on their actions? Right now, your gut is screaming at you...and your imagination is running with all the possibilities of what MIGHT be going on. Regardless of whether any of that is reality, it's YOUR reality at this moment because you don't have her side.

So, yes, I think talking with her is a good idea. Even if it is just girlfriends, or innocent relationships, texting/emailing at all hours, it still bothers you and she can't know it bothers you unless you say something. Will you believe her if she tells you there is nothing else going on?

On the other hand, it may NOT be innocent...do you believe she will tell you if something else is going on?

You're gonna need to talk to her about this or else you just might drive yourself batty. That initial conversation with her can't be attacking or accusing, just a simple, "Hey, there's things going on that are making me super uncomfortable and I'd like to talk about it....." then list, calmly, the things that are bothering you.

Then listen.

It's really possible that your gut won't let you believe a word she says unless it fits the scenario your perception has created for you. Be prepared for that. So open the dialogue with her, listen...thank her for talking... and then let it go at that moment. Then, you'll get to see in the days moving forward if she makes changes to help you feel more comfortable - or goes right back to her previous behavior without caring about your feelings.

THAT is when you'll get the answer you need. It's not what she is doing BEFORE that talk and her awareness of your feelings that counts as much as how she handles her behavior AFTER she knows it hurts you.

All the best,

Jennie Anne

I'm sorry about this. It was merely an honest question and I wasn't trying to imply anything at all if that's what you were thinking.

no problem.....just really stressed about right now....as I have invested a lot into my feeliings for her and feel like its all a waste now......

I appreciate this Jennie.....you hit it on the head as to how Im feeling.....and I have always been a firm believer in this " If you don't want to know the answer because you know you won't like it, don't ask any questions" But this time I have to know because I am not willing to let anyone take advantage of me ever again, not to mention feeling uncomfortable as she is always pre occuppied with her phone..... for my perpesctive , a man who sees his phone as just what it is , another bill, it almost looks like OCD with your cell phone , facebook etc.....its pretty ridiculous how most humans are completley bypassing the human experience these days.....I miss pay phones, word of mouth,,,,,vs sending a pic,,,uploading a profile....its all bs that takes away the love......

I once was in the dog house for a week with my ex for something I did in her dream. This is total BS. Dreams are outside of our control and should not be accountable for in the real world. Please let the dream bit go. The phone secrecy and lack of intimacy should be dealt with, they are real. Even if she is innocent, her way of dealing with her phone is creating a lack of trust. She is have a rough spell and you are giving her room to deal with it and she is using that room to communicate secretly with someone else... You need to stand up for yourself, if she will not answer your questions to your satisfaction, will not walk the walk, then you need to consider if she is someone you want to continue on with.

I think you should ask her to leave her phone in another room with the ringer/etc off. Or, if there is a way just to leave the ringer on for telephone calls (i.e. for an emergency) than do that. Yeah, you shouldn't have to listen to all of her texts/e-mails coming in.

Great advice!

I once was in the dog house for a week with my ex for something I did in her dream. This is total BS. Dreams are outside of our control and should not be accountable for in the real world. Please let the dream bit go. The phone secrecy and lack of intimacy should be dealt with, they are real. Even if she is innocent, her way of dealing with her phone is creating a lack of trust. She is have a rough spell and you are giving her room to deal with it and she is using that room to communicate secretly with someone else... You need to stand up for yourself, if she will not answer your questions to your satisfaction, will not walk the walk, then you need to consider if she is someone you want to continue on with.

I appreciate this......I am going to put this out of my mind as she needs me to support her right now....but I will talk about once all of the immediate funeral things are over with.....I can't continue on without explanations from her....I just feel the dream , txt and those late night notifications are all connected...that is what my heart senses,...

I think you should ask her to leave her phone in another room with the ringer/etc off. Or, if there is a way just to leave the ringer on for telephone calls (i.e. for an emergency) than do that. Yeah, you shouldn't have to listen to all of her texts/e-mails coming in.

That would only be great advice for a man who is dum enough to allow his future think that its perfectly ok to get texts and email from other guys @ 1230 & 130 am.....hearing the notification is not the point....its the respect level.....especially when I fully committed to her, I don't entertain anyone of the opposite sex unless its work realted becuase I have respect for my lady.....yes it sound old fashioned but when you analyze old fashioned realtionships....one thing you can't dispute is they lasted a whole lot longer than they do now because of the values instilled......real talk.

So first if you guys sleep in the same room together it's super rude for her to have loud facebook or text message notifications when you need to get some sleep. That would be enough for me to give her the boot right there. If they were from a dude - well, really? Dudes are messaging her in the middle of the night waking you up? You shouldn't tolerate this man.

I wanted to update everyone that gave me some kind words.....I did speak to her and she explained who is texting...it is a family friend of her brothers.... I still let her know that it makes me uncomfortable that this dude has no respect for time....I also let know that everyone has friends and if she has nothing to hide like she always claims then she won't have any problem with me meeting her male friends, she was taken back by it, but I let her know what I won't tolerate in our relationship.....life is too short to be allowing other people interfere in something you have invested your heart into....so I am going to sit back and observe now....Im going to give it a few weeks and see what she does.....if there are adjustments on her end..Im done....she'll never see or hear from me ever in life..... I have become super attached to her son ( my son) and it does hurt that she doesn't see what she has going on makes me uncomfortable.....time will tell......

Sounds like you really have things under control, well done. I always find it odd when girls (or guys) explain an odd situation like texting late at night with a description of the WHO and not the WHY. Okay... it's a family friend of your brother's. Terrific. It might be Mother Theresa herself but why are they texting you for anything at this time of night?

I did express that to her....she understands that just like we have respect for other people's time and relationships , they have to have the same, especially when this family friend has not had the decency to introduce himself to me one time he was at the house....so I am observing everything with a microscope to make a truly informed and honest choice...... I simply told her that since he is a friend of her brothers and of their family,,,,either she or her brother can handle it and if that nonsense continues , I will not have a problem talking to him myself the next opportunity I have to actually meet this dude......its just a lack of respect and we as men have to learn that...family friend or not

Trustno1, I'm very curious to know what resulted from this situation. Did you two work it out? I apologize if I'm prying.

They haven't been back since they posted this thread.