Emotional affair / Twin Flame

Hi Everyone, I am brand new on here, so here goes my story. I just finished up my Bachelors degree and am a non-traditional/older student. I was somewhat worried about meeting contacts re-entering college at 33 but boy was I wrong I met

my "friend" for lack of a better word a couple of years ago. He was in several of my classes and I always thought he was cute but was involved with someone else and we didn't get to each other to well at first. Last fall I did not have my best college friends in class so was looking for a semester bud to rely on. He took that spot. We were semester friends all semester and he got married at the beginning of the semester. I truly thought we were just friend but in hindsight should have wondered why when he got his wedding ring did I just somehow feel it should not be on his finger. We were pretty decent friends, texting through class because we always got yelled at for talking. He would text me most days before class but everything was very platonic. Last day of that semester we decided to study together because we had a five hour break between our two mutual classes. As soon as we were alone together and we sat down the attraction was obvious and mutual. At this point he had been married just a little over 2 months.

From that day forward we have been in contact almost everyday. We chat, text and talk on the phone and this usually averages about 20 hours weekly. From the first couple weeks till now our similarities are insane. He just told me last friday that I am just like him but with boobs, hahaha. Seven months of talking and I am not sure I can come up with one single topic we disagree on. I even try to come up with things. This is just mind boggling me because I pride myself on being such an orginal. I feel like he is my twin flame and am not sure I can ever give that up. My friends and family that know of this situation all tell me when the time is right I will give up and move on if I have to. I never in a million years thought a emotional affair could be so deep. Me and him go back on forth on if we should meet up but usually decide it is a bad idea. I honestly think if we met up and things become physical that there is no way he will he will be even able to try at all in his marriage. I know he is not very happy in his marriage but trying to give it the old college girl try (it hasn't even been a year) I feel with or without me that this marriage is not right for him and is bring him down ( not his wife personally) . I have made a decision to give him time a decent about till next June actually and if he is still married and involved with me I guess I must walk. So what do you think ? And if you honestly don't understand emotional affairs as I did not until involved. Please do a little reading on the subject before responding. Thanks

I personally do not think you will wait until next June.

I think your in too deep and will probably start sleeping with him soon. The emotional affair will taunt you into going into a physical relationship in the end.

You are in heavy Limerence: link removed

It's crazy feeling, right? It's also called the honeymoon phase and puppy love.

But here is the thing you need to back off now. Not later, not after school, not in June. He might feel like your twin flame but he's married. Of course you don't feel like his marriage is right... you're crazy into him. If your talking/texting all the time neither of you have enough space from each other. If you really do love and respect him you need to let him give his marriage a chance and you aren't doing that right now.

Dylan: Oh yes it will for sure get physical if we meet up but that is why we have decided not to at this time. I feel that if it goes there he needs to be sure this is what he wants to do because I feel 99% sure that if this happens its not really going to end.We are already way to bonded.

Rose: Puppylove, come on I am a 37 year old woman and know the difference between that and this. As for giving him space I agree but refuse to do that. I do however almost always let him contact me first. I feel better when we are in contact than when we are not and don't see why I should have to torture myself by being distant. If he TRULY wants to work on his marriage then He needs to do the distancing. We have taking mini breaks from contact but it is so mutally obvious that either one of us really liked the break and am much more happy and super excited when our break is over !!

Do you think he will leave his wife?

Yes. I believe even if I died today God forbid he will eventually leave. She seems very sweet and such but I just don't see them as being compatible. He was changes for the worst soon after he got back from the honeymoon. Classmate friends have noticed this as well. I don't know if he just realized what he did, she was acting different now or something I have noticed is they did not seem to talk about marital expectations. Of course I would want him to get divorced tonight and run off with me but in all reality if he left her today I believe he is not ready to be married to anyone for a while. He is definitely struggling with the situation. He is typically amazingly positive and not one to complain about much but he does do some complaining about his marriage. He said he is losing guy friends already and I feel that is the worst. He seems to be wavering back in forth from this marriage sucks to I am going to MAKE it work. Are you a man ?? If so that is awesome..Hard to find man advice on these forums.. either way is cool though

Derr. I am dumb. Yes you are a man your profile says so !!

Yeah it's nice that he confides in you and all - but the fact remains HE WANTS HIS MARRIAGE TO WORK.

This is why he is still staying with her. Your just the icing on the cake. He can have the best of both worlds.

I really do hope you don't engage in a sexual relationship with him, in the hopes of making this man suddenly want to be with you. It's only going to drag you further down into the pits of despair.

Let us know how it goes. I would be quite interested to see if you do walk away in June.

20 hours a week spent talking.........that's 20 hours he's missing with his wife. He is already cheating on his wife, very sad that his marriage is off to such a bad start. You are 50% of the problem (cheating)...........

Well Yes I know he is cheating or I would not of posted in this category. If she read our chats I am sure it would be about over. I might be 50% of the problem but I was not the one who started this. And like I said it started out innocently and grew from there. In my opinion he was never all the way in the marriage, this started way to soon into their marriage. I do have a professional contact who knows us both and has told me that her opinion is that he was pressured into the marriage and at the end seemed a little hesitant . Yes, If this is how he felt it IS his stupid fault of going through with it. But who could say how you would respond in that situation. Do you think it is just cold feet, do you just go ahead with it because everything is planned and you don't want to look like an ass to all your friends and family and back out ? I for one am never fake, however if the wedding date was that close and I was have second thoughts maybe I would of just jumped in as well.

I said he wavers. There are a lot of times he just keeps repeating Single is more fun. I honestly think he is trying more out of obligation and what his family would think that actually wanting to.

You have the option of not contributing further to the infidelity. Imagine if you were his wife and how you would feel. Also it's not your place to judge why he shouldn't have married his wife.

No, It might not be my place to judge why but it is my opinion and if he ever asks me about my viewpoint on his marriage we might just have started our first fight. I am not going to lie and ever sit up here and say that I wouldn't take it farther if and when the time is right. You can say I am wrong and that is fine but I have a whole different viewpoint of attraction. I believe there are no mistakes in attractions. Ever person you are attracted to is to learn a lesson, the more attracted the more the lesson. Married or not some attractions/bonds need to be explored. God would not make me feel this way about another human just to taunt and tease me. We are connected and bonded for a reason and I am no where near giving up on it or resolving its complete meaning. I have found great enlightenment in our similarities almost like looking in a mirror. I thought that was the whole and final purpose of our connection but after a couple of weeks after I felt enlightened I realized it was a lot more I still needed to learn and get out of your connection.

Attraction is one thing, acting upon it is another. I feel that your attitude is very selfish and I hope that this situation does not happen to you if you ever get married.

Your entitled to you opinion. I need to follow my own path, if you think that is selfish that is fine. Like I said we are currently only involved in an emotional affair so there is SO much more that we could be acting on. I have had a lot of not so great relationships but being cheated on has never happened and hopefully it never will.

Your entitled to you opinion. I need to follow my own path, if you think that is selfish that is fine. Like I said we are currently only involved in an emotional affair so there is SO much more that we could be acting on. I have had a lot of not so great relationships but being cheated on has never happened and hopefully it never will.

But you said so yourself, that you'd allow it to become physical and it most definitely will if you continue down 'your path'. Why not become involved with someone who is not married because no matter how great you think he is, he is still a cheater. He would cheat on you too if he did leave his wife for you. Why settle for second best? The deeper you dive into this the more hurt you're going to be when he ends it. He hasn't left his wife for a reason.

Once a cheater always a cheater.. I don not believe that at all. My Dad left my Mom for my Step-Mom from a similar situation and has never cheated again. I have also cheated on boyfriends a long time ago but have learned from it and would not do it again. It is SOOOOO easy to say go find a single guy, and I know a million of them. Just happens that the guy I feel like a twin with and crazy bonded to is married. Someone is going to get hurt you are right! However if I exit the situation it is going to be not just me but him as well. If they split up/divorce it will be mostly just her. He just got married so of course he hasn't left yet. I do not expect him to stay no matter what happens with me, just know enough to know that that is mostly likely going to fail. Marriage is like flipping a coin to begin with and that many problems from the start it is mostly likely doomed for sure. Would you give up on the perfect job just because someone else had the position ? I wouldn't why should it be any different in relationships. I see what I want, I will try not to just run in their and push her off the desk but I feel I am better qualified and would be a lot better for the company.. I believe the "position" is very likely to open up and fairly soon and if i still interested I want to move my pencil sharpener and stappler in..

It didn't start innocently, you're fooling yourself. The ONLY right thing to do here is cut off all contact if/until he ends his marriage. If he goes through with that, tell him you'd love to hear from him, but until then ask him not to contact you ever for any reason and you do the same. You're definitely in the honeymoon phase as well, as has already been pointed out. If you agree on everything right now, that should be a sign to you that your relationship is not yet mature - you need to learn how the 2 of you deal with disagreements, among other things, to decide if you are compatible. There will be time for you to figure that out if he leaves his wife and then the 2 of you re-gain contact and resume your relationship.

Sounds good in theory, however I do think I stated in the my first post that I was not willing to give him up at this point. I rely on him to cheer me up and to lean on emotionally. This is a new thing for me since I am so independent. I have told him this and he says it is fine but I can't say I completely agree. If there was something we disagreed on then fine we could discuss it. There honest to goodness is nothing we disagree on. Never ever in my life have I ever met someone so similar. I like to argue so trust me this is crazy weird. Honeymoon stage yeah for sure but still nothing to dispute. Even people who know both of us say he is the male version of me who prior to meeting him I would of been convinced I would despise. I know we are compatible we have spend hours and hours going over all that stuff. Like I said we chat for hours and hours every week, what do you think we talk about ?? The closest thing we have come to disagreeing is he feels men are more jealous than woman and I don't. So we were like oh do you think ? and that was it, no reason to argue.. I'm not going to lie I have even tried to get in fights with him one time telling him I hated him but nothing he blamed himself. Sometimes I wish we did argue or disagree or even that he was an * * * * * * * so I didn't like him so much.....

I'm not going to lie I have even tried to get in fights with him one time telling him I hated him but nothing he blamed himself. Sometimes I wish we did argue or disagree or even that he was an * * * * * * * so I didn't like him so much.....

Ok then, 3 HUGE red flags here. You lied to him (told him you hated him) as part of a game you were playing (never good) to explore your compatibility and he blamed himself (a lie in a way on his part and shows he has no backbone and is probably afraid of conflict). You need to change your mind about not giving him up and just do it, without excuses. You'll all going to end up hurt otherwise with nobody getting what they want. A marriage is something to be respected, and you're not doing that right now. If he wants to end his marriage, he will, but he should do so without your encouragement and you should not be in contact at all until he's a single man.

I'm going to come right out and say you don't want to be with any man who starts an emotional affair right after the honeymoon! You can never trust that he won't always be looking for that other leg of the triangle. He might have intimacy issues and not like being 'trapped' in a marriage, but be perfectly happy having more than one woman to rely on for attention and stimulation. Whenever he feels trapped/bored, he calls on you... you're his secret little 'treat' that helps him deal with his inability to commit.

No matter how you slice it, what you are doing is really wrong, being emotinally intimate with a married guy, for both you and them. You are interfering in their marriage and whether he likes to admit it or not, he is taken and not really available to you though you two play at it.

t is disturbing that you are 33 and wasting your time with him... do you want a husband and family of your own? If you do, you are wasting some prime years on this guy that could be looking for someone who is available to you. Don't waste your prime years on fantasy and 'twin flames' nonsense when what you need is a real man and a husband and family of your own rather than peaking into another man's family and wishing it were you instead. Your fertility declines sharply after 35, so don't waste too much more time on a wishy washy guy who is at the center of attention having 2 women fuss over him, but he isn't your man in way way shape or form because he is married to someone else and is not leaving her.

Tell him that you will talk to him again IF he leaves his wife, but not until then. If you really matter to him, he won't let you go and will leave his wife if the alternative is losing you. But if you are hanging around patiently in the background, he has no incentive at all to make a decision or to leave her.

I do not think he is a "typical cake eater" as you imply in your first paragraph. I have way more commitment issues than he does but the emotional affair has forced me to rely on emotions and not just focus on the physical which has always been a problem for me.

He does not treat my like a little treat and always focuses on me first before ever discussing anything that it not going well for him.

I already have a son who is seven, I would maybe want another child if it comes about. I love being single and DO NOT or ever have searched for love or attraction. If it comes to me naturally that is another story.

I am NOT ready to end contact at this point but do know that this will probably keep him in an inbetween situation. I am moving accross the country hopefully by January not that that will do much since it is an emotional affair. I am really not interested in dating and don't really care either way if I get married or not (in general terms). Declines at 35, so what many many woman more and more are having babies into their 40's.

TwinFlame is not a fantasy as I have been in love and relationships plenty of times but have never felt twin like with any of them or anyone else on this eearth for that matter !!!

Alway a lesson, never a failure !!!!

You know, what all people who are engaging in affairs think is that 'our love is special'... all the sneaking around and forbidden fruit aspect of it make it all the more exciting. They have to give themselves SOME reason for doing something they know deep down is cheating and will break someone else's heart, so they use the 'our love is special' excuse to justify it.

And the truth is that only a very tiny fraction of affairs actually end up in stable relationships after the fact. If that love is so special, why do so few actually end up in a successful marriage/relationship after the fact?

And how do you know he is 'focusing on you first'? You have absolutely no clue how he behaves or what he does with his time, emotions, and body when he's with his wife. You only know what he tells you, and you have no insight into his marriage, nor have you talked to his wife about their marriage. Most mistresses are VERY surprised to discover their affair partner is perfectly happy with his wife. The point is if he will lie to his wife about you, he will lie to you about what he does with his wife or how he really feels about her! Don't miss that point...

You are not ready to let go yet and that is clear, but please don't waste a lot of your time on someone who isn't really available and hasn't made himself so. He's really digging this little secret situation which is fun for him and gets him a lot of attention, but he's not leaving his wife, is he? Until he does that, this is all fantasy and not getting you any closer to having a real partner.

Well I totally disagree...... You are talking in general terms. My Dad left my Mom for my Stepmom and have been happily married to her for over 24 years.

I fell that people cheat when their needs are not being full-filled, unless they are truly of the dog type. Me and others could see it in his eyes and in his demeanor right after the honeymoon that he was no longer happy. There is no way on this earth that I believe his is happy and or satisfied in his marriage. If he was someone who had been married more than 2 months at the time this all started I might think differently.

The nervous, giddy, and excited way he acts around me can not be faked. The things he tells me are deep and serious and I doubt he has told anyone some of the things he has told me.

In general "affair" relationships do turn out in heartbreak. However their are many many success stories as well, and I prefer to focus on these outcomes.

Sounds like either you have been cheated on our are on the extremely man made religious side of things ??

 

I fell that people cheat when their needs are not being full-filled, unless they are truly of the dog type.

 

In general "affair" relationships do turn out in heartbreak. However their are many many success stories as well, and I prefer to focus on these outcomes.

 

I "cheated" in my marriage. I had been married for 8 years and by the time I started my "affair", my ex-husband and I had been sleeping in separate beds for nearly 6 months and had been talking divorce for about 8 (we had also split up 3 years earlier and tried to work things out...but it was impossible). The only thing that kept us from getting a divorce the last time was me finding a suitable job so that I could move out on my own with my kids.......I cheated because I didn't love him and I had grown to despise him and the feeling was definitely mutual. When I told him that I had met someone else and was moving out, he could have cared less......But you're "emotional affair boyfriend's" wife has NO CLUE. He's been married for 2 flippin' months. Sounds to me like he's nothing more than a wimp that can't speak his true mind. I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him, but that's just me.

Yeah, my "affair" did turn out to be a success. We've been together for almost 7 years now....But it started on FAR different terms than yours did. Best of luck.