Capricorn3 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Attraction is one thing, acting upon it is another. I feel that your attitude is very selfish and I hope that this situation does not happen to you if you ever get married. ^^ I agree. OP: If you know that you have no intentions of giving this up, what was the point of posting this thread in the first place? Were you seeking validation and hoping for everyone here to give you a *high five* and say "Yes!! you go girl!!" I doubt that will ever happen. So, what exactly were you asking?? Link to comment
teabee Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I agree that she will be fine (eventually) and find someone more suitable if he leaves. Doesn't mean I don't feel bad for her. I wouldn't knowingly have a part in inflicting that kind of pain on anyone. You may have answered this already, but do you have any doubts about how he feels about you? I would think he should've left her already if he had the same conviction about your connection as you do. Like Capricorn, I too am wondering why you posted this thread at all. Maybe you just needed the opportunity to confirm and validate some things for yourself? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I just had to add my thoughts into this. I think its clear, as other have pointed out, that the OP is going to do whatever she wants no matter the consequences. Just a few things that have stuck out to me in this thread. 1) OP, cheating has been normalized to you. Please understand that 97% of relationship fail when built on infidelity. 2) If he wife isn't giving him enough attention, please tell me, why doesn't he tell her that? Why doesn't he give this woman who he has said vows to a chances to save the marriage? 3)You know nothing about their marriage. Whatever you think you know is nothing be speculation from others and what this man wants you to think. Unless you are living in the same house as a couple you really don't know a thing about what goes on between them. 4)Your are 37 years old and based on your threads in this post not emotionally mature enough for a relationship at this point in your life. You are infatuated with a man who is unavailable. 5) Perhaps I missed this in your post but have you ask your boy-toy if he is still sleeping with his wife? Has he told her what issues he is having in their marriage? Has is out any effort at all into that relationship? 6) You are seeing him with rose colored glasses and therefore make excuses for all of his behavior. You are going to get hurt in this because you do not have enough self respect to set up boundaries with him. Finally, I think you need therapy, this is not an attack I recommend this to other people on here when I feel its truly needed. Right now you need and objective third party to tell everything to and get unbiased feed back from. You have rejected all the objective view here so perhaps someone in real life will be able to help you. Link to comment
stuka80 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 hi veronica, i'm currently in a similar situation as you. i've developed strong feelings for a co-worker of mine and she's reciprocated those feelings to me, but she is married and i'm pissed at myself for letting it get as far as it's gotten. Nothing physical has happened mind you and we haven't really flirted at all but everytime we talk about random things there's always this underlying tension of a strong attraction between the two of us. Everytime we talk to each other we stare into each other's eyes and there's definitely something. When i first saw her i thought she was absolutely beautiful so it was crazy when i realized she was attracted to me. I dont know how her marriage situation is, wether she's unhappy or not and i dont think it's right for me to ask about that for my own selfish interests. So anyway i've decided for both our sakes to cut it off right there and to try to avoid her as much as possible. I think you should do the same. Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 22, 2011 Author Share Posted August 22, 2011 Update: Well it is way past that Stuka but I should have in Jan. Well anyways everything is going great still. We have had a lot more time to chat lately because his wife has started working and he will not be starting training for a couple more weeks out of town. I am going to surprise visit him because my best college girlfriend lives down the street and I will be visiting her at the same time I have been expressing my feelings towards him more and more and if nothing else that is a good thing for me because i have always had a hard time with that in a romantic situation. I know I could end up heartbroken but he is SO worth the risk. I just want him to be happy overall. Yes, I don't know exactly how his marriage is inside but I know that me and him discuss things make plans for him and she always wants the opposite or something else. No way is he happy and if he was i could walk away. I love him with all my heart and feel completely unconditional about it so if he feels he wants/needs to stay married because he is happy in that situation then I will gladly walk away or distance myself. But for now, we are both obsessed with staying in contact and I can't feel bad about that !! Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 22, 2011 Author Share Posted August 22, 2011 NO, i have no doubts of his feelings. It's getting even more intense lately. Me and him discuss everything and make plans for him and then she usually doesn't like his ideas or plans.. I truly think things will be figured out this winter. He copes better with being able to walk outside and do things outside. Since day one him and I have played a nice cat and mouse chase game along with us getting closer and closer. It continues to be this way so as of right now I am happy for the most part. I have known him well for about 9 months and am still in the getting to know him process so no real reason to rush things along. Yes, i love him already but there is still a lot more that we can learn about each other. I don't think this should be a rush situation, as long as it is still progressing and I am still happy I don't see a problem. Link to comment
teabee Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I get now why it doesn't make sense to you to rush anything. If you were both single, and you're approaching it somewhat like that, it would make no sense for it to be a rush situation. I would even be saying the opposite if you were single -- take it as slow as you both need to and blah blah blah. At the risk of being burned at the stake: I get it...and amazingly enough, I just can't get into a place of judgment right now try as I might... I believe in love and I know that it happens in all kinds of places and at all kinds of times that it "shouldn't" and with people that it "shouldn't" and others tend to feel it's not ok, but none of us knows the bigger picture or the learning that everyone needs that this will provide. But btw, not going along with your husband's plans does not a bad wife make. Maybe she doesn't "get him" in a bigger sense. A man can't stay happily with a woman that doesn't get him and is bound to eventually meet someone who does, and yeah I think he's got it in the wrong order by starting relationship #2 at the same time as #1, and I also wish women protected one another by never participating as the other woman, but it's already happening. I was cheated on and in my righteous anger once thought infidelity should literally be against the law everywhere for inflicting so much emotional damage ("I'd rather have my house burned down, but that's a crime and cheating isn't?!?!"), so it's hard not to judge from an emotional place when it comes to anything involving cheating, but I'm not the moral police. You can and have checked yourself with your own values. Be very honest with yourself in your decisions and come from a place motivated by love, not addiction or other screwiness, and things tend to end up in the right place eventually, even if the process is not pretty for everyone. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 There was no point posting here, OP. No one is going to side with you in cheers for infidelity. I'm sorry that you cannot see that he is using you getting the best of both worlds. Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Thank you teabee. And Huntress whats your story ? sworn woman i bet and that sucks, sorry. Well I am very happy in my life and have very very little regrets withe the biggest one being that I wish I would of had roomates and lived in Manhattan instead of being stubborn and living alone in Queens. I am a good person, the advice giver to all my friends, a great mom and very solid in my relationship with God and my own spirituality. I can never feel sorry for falling in love with such a great guy and yes it is unfortunate that he is and was already married when I fell. I am at peace in my situation and thats all that really matters. Sometimes you have to take a hard path to get what you want and yes that most like will cause you and or others pain and heartbreak. If I walked away from him now I would never forgive myself in wondering what could of happened between us. Some people are worth the risk, possible pain and heartbreak !! Always a lesson, never a failure...... Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 A good person does not happily and boastfully take part in participating in adultery. The wife is totally taken out of the equation. What about her? What about her feelings? What about her suspicions that her husband may be a lying cheater? If you are at peace with it, why did you come here? You certainly weren't seeking advice. This 'great guy' would cheat and lie on you as well since he can so easily do it to his wife whom he just married. I do not want to be harsh but I wish you would see the bigger picture down the line. He is getting everything you are getting nothing and will end up badly. Even if he left his wife for you and you lived happily ever after...you'll wonder- 'Is he lying and cheating on me?' Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 link removed OP, here is a link that lays out a lot of good information. I also have a question, you seem to really want to resist any advice given to you. Why? You have posted your story on a forum designed for that, so why are you so against even considering that every person on here might just be right about your situation? Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 You can only control you. You have thrown your integrity, morals, scruples out the window. If you were walking in his wife's shoes all of your excuses would look more than lame and self centered. He is cheating and you ARE 100% of the problem because you don't care that you are hurting his wife severely and leading him off the path he should be on. YOU are responsible for you. HE is being an idiot and does not have any moral, or integrity either. Bet he has a a bunch of other women he is playing the same way just waiting for the benefits from one of them. If he will do it to his wife, he would do it to you. Wake up. A marriage does not ever contain three people. If he had any integrity he would divorce then screw around. Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Oh and remember he goes home and tells his wife the same things he tells you before he beds her. Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Want the truth, ask when he going for D and that you want to see the papers. Want to help him, contact his wife and tell her you two are in love. I'll bet if that happens, he will drop you like a bad dream and run back to her and to repair his marriage. Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 You insane !! I would never do either... Why are you even on this section, you offer no advice !! Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I am offering advice - you just don't like it. Link to comment
Hopelives Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I am offering advice - you just don't like it. +1,000,000 Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 +1,000,000 ANd you mean? Link to comment
20yrshurtand r Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 From the Dr. Phil show - less than 10% of relationships that come from an affair ever last - even less into a marriage of the affair partners. Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I NEVER ever follow silly statistics Fraggle Rock !! Link to comment
veronicax Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Oh GOD and Dr. Phil : Are you serious ?? That guy is the worst just twists and turns things to suit what ever he is saying day by day. Do you even know how/why Dr. Phi is on tv ? Because he cheated on his wife with a client, got caught and lost his license. Oprah felt bad for him since he could not legally practice and gave him a chance on her show and I think you know the rest.... Anyone with a brain could do Dr. Phil's job. I have a minor in Psychology and bet I could do just as good job, grrrrrr..... Dr. Phil !! Link to comment
veronicax Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Well hate to say it. due to the fact of no love but everything is going great !!. Had about the funniest chat you could ever have via chat tonight with MM.. Only 8 days away till I visit him. I am nothing but exited: i do not expect sex or anything like that. I just want a couple of drinks, a couple of hugs and to remind him of our intense and crazy funny in person connection... No matter what happens he is my twin and I am SO thankful for meeting him. I love this man so much and honestly it does not matter if we spend this life together, I am completely confident that if not he will be with me in another life... Completely enlightened !!!!! Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I love this man so much and honestly it does not matter if we spend this life together, I am completely confident that if not he will be with me in another life... Completely enlightened !!!!! And that would be because the foundations of your relationship are so solid? Look, it's your life ... er, afterlife ... but you really need to step back and think about all this. Link to comment
veronicax Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Brownstone.... I am a deep and constant thinker!!! And yes I am solid with him, myself and my spirituality... Thanks for your comment however !! Link to comment
LynnA Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Hello Veronicax, I think I may be able to give you some information, if you would like, I went through the same exact thing you are, so I can relate. May I ask you if he has ever told you that he loved you in the same way you love him? Has he said "I love you" without you saying to him? Has he told you that you are the one, the love of his life and that you are in fact "twin flames"? Basically, does he completely and openly tell you he feels the same as you do? Link to comment
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