Emotional affair / Twin Flame

[lavenderdove]

>>Sounds like either you have been cheated on our are on the extremely man made religious side of things ??

 

Actually, i'm not religious at all, but i am altruistic in that i think you need to try to refrain from doing anything that hurts other innocent parties, and you are certainly ignoring the fact that he has a wife whom you are both deceiving. The first year of marriage is usually difficult regardless since you are adjusting to each other, and offering yourself eagerly to him when he is going thru that adjustment really isn't cricket. You're not interested in his welfare (nor his wife's), you're interested in bagging him for yourself.

 

This guy is not a prize if he is cheating within nanoseconds of getting married. If he is that incompatible with his wife within a moment or two of marrying, then he must be a ninny not to recognize she was wrong for him. Yes, you could eventually 'bag' him, but then he could well be doing the same to you in a few years if you hit a rough spot in the relationship. And you don't know all the intricacies of your father's second marriage either... perhaps he does cheat, but has just gotten better at not getting caught, or she tolerates it from him.

 

I don't think you want to be helped here, you want to be validated. Most people will not validate cheaters because they do so much harm to innocent parties, or may be so innocent themselves that they don't get that they're just being used as a temporary 'marital aide' to ease a transition between being single and being fully adjusted to a marriage, or because the guy is bored or likes the extra stimulation or attention.

 

So carry on if you feel it is right for you, but don't expect others to be sympathetic to you while you do it. I'm sure you wouldn't so sympathetic to some woman who is doing the same thing with your husband if you do marry. One of the other poster's is right, he's wishy washy and doesn't have much character or he'd be handling this differently, which means he may do the same to you (or more likely just float away from you eventually and not leave his wife)... good luck with that!

[Chicklet]

I agree. You're nothing more than a homewrecker and he just wants his cake and eat it too.

[abitbroken]

It is not for you to judge whether his marriage is happy or not, nor to justify your behavior with your perception whether it is or is not. Well, I understand your dad and stepmom are looking out, but maybe it gives you the perspective that its "okay" to interefere. I mean, you might look at your dad and stepmom as a success story, but what about your mom? I am sure she didn't give her blessing and you experienced many nights where she obviously had puffy eyes in the morning when she was helping you off to school. Who deserves that?

 

here's the thing - no matter what you say about how he looks at you, when he talks to you or is with you, he doesn't have to deal with any of the day to day troubles or mishaps or issues with you. With his wife, he has to think about the practical matters of money, house, and chores. And probably relatives. He can always put his best foot forward with you and likewise you with him.

Its an escape to him. It doesn't mean that your friendship is not real.

 

I think that you have an important decision to make. You can be selfish and can continue to communicate and flirt with him, or you can change the tide and decide that you yourself deserve a man who is available emotionally, physically and legally. You deserve no less. The only appropriate way to maintain a friendship is if you insist that you have dinner with him AND HIS WIFE and include her in your social interactions with eachother, but I doubt you would do it. Part of being "friends" and truly wanting the best for someone is to accept the person that he/she has chosen to marry. And remember - he wanted to marry her. He didn't have a gun to his head and really want to be with you instead. It wasn't an arranged marriage. It was his choice, as well as hers and you are doing nothing to honor that.

 

I would go away and leave this man alone. Let him work his own marriage out without you.

 

btw, as far as the nervousness, if he is your good friend, he won't be nervous around you. Sometimes people are nervous when they know they are doing something wrong.

[Chicklet]

 

btw, as far as the nervousness, if he is your good friend, he won't be nervous around you. Sometimes people are nervous when they know they are doing something wrong.

 

amen!!!!!!

[metrogirl]

One day you will be the wife who's feelings don't matter when another woman steps in and bags your husband.

 

That woman won't care that she is helping to destroy a marriage. Wife??? Who cares about her, he doesn't love her anyway. Sound familiar? It's called Karma.

[veronicax]

Thanks for you story, glad it worked out for you.

I just feel that he got caught up settled and married the wrong person and didn't realize it till it was "to late". I think he is just buying time and doesn't want to look like a complete failure so is going to stay awhile. I know for a fact that he didn't participate in his college graduation because he felt guilty about getting so many wedding gifts and didn't want any gifts for graduation. I feel he is guilty about recieving the wedding gifts because he knows it is not likely to work out !!

[veronicax]

First of all: My Dad never leaves the house alone so there is no way he is cheating and I do know that for a fact !! I do care about his welfare and thats why he needs to leave. He is struggling, not happy and is way to excited when he gets time alone. Scorn woman can not judge and put me or him in a box. Neiter one of us are typical or the type that fit into societal's little boxes. Float away from me ?? No you are just insane, I can tell you that is not going to happen ever..... Why do you even come to the infidelity section anyway ? Scorn is my guess !

[veronicax]

Nervousness is sexual tension and attraction, not guilt.. Give me a break..... The kind of nervousness your talking about is the rob the bank type..

[veronicax]

I believe in Karma so you are not saying anything new to me. Everything happens for a reason. If he eventually leaves her for me than someone more suited for her will come along. I have never been cheated on because I keep close attention to my partners needs unlike some people who are obviously so disconnected with what there husband needs are its insane...His wife may have some great qualities but giving him attention can not be one of them. With the amount of time we conversaite sometimes I wonder if she even is aware that he is alive

[metrogirl]

I believe in Karma so you are not saying anything new to me. Everything happens for a reason. If he eventually leaves her for me than someone more suited for her will come along. I have never been cheated on because I keep close attention to my partners needs unlike some people who are obviously so disconnected with what there husband needs are its insane...His wife may have some great qualities but giving him attention can not be one of them. With the amount of time we conversaite sometimes I wonder if she even is aware that he is alive

 

Well I would imagine it's kinda hard for her to give him attention when he spends all his time talking to you. You continue to make excuses for him but the bottom line is if he really wanted to be with you, he would divorce her and make you his but he hasn't.

[Huntress0527]

I suspect the OP will continue to make excuses for her cheater no matter what any poster says and was just looking for some sort of validation that was she is doing is not wrong. You and your cheater are hurting his wife in the end so you can kid yourself all you want. Hopefully this won't happen to you in the future. Good luck to you because this will blow up in your face when it comes to an end.

[metrogirl]

I'm sure the OP wants to believe in her heart that he wants a life with her and they will have this fairytail romance but the truth is, no matter how much time he spends talking to her, he is still with his wife. I am pretty sure he is where he wants to be.

[abitbroken]

First of all: My Dad never leaves the house alone so there is no way he is cheating and I do know that for a fact !! I do care about his welfare and thats why he needs to leave. He is struggling, not happy and is way to excited when he gets time alone. Scorn woman can not judge and put me or him in a box. Neiter one of us are typical or the type that fit into societal's little boxes. Float away from me ?? No you are just insane, I can tell you that is not going to happen ever..... Why do you even come to the infidelity section anyway ? Scorn is my guess !

 

It doesn't matter in this case what your dad does, but you are using what your dad did as an excuse or proof that what you are doing is okay - as justification. And unless I skimmed over it and missed it...you never mentioned your mother. You only mentioned how happy your dad and stepmom are..but what about mom???? Did she feel hurt? Did she deserve it? And did she have a hard time picking up the pieces? Or do you just hate your mom and you don't care that she had to go through that. It just seems you have no empathy for the wife here.

 

btw, your friend may never leave his wife. You just don't know. Don't you deserve someone who is legally and emotionally available???

[veronicax]

True.. but it is just a matter of time

[veronicax]

That is the BEST part...My mom met my StepDad and he is way more suited for my Mom. Actually my mom and stepdad have the better of the relationships. Oh he will eventually leave, I am very sure of this. Even if I died tomorrow his marriage is not right for him and will never last.. Just the truth, no sugar coating

[veronicax]

Argeed: Impossiable to give her proper attention when he is alway in contact with me. Just like you say he is "where he wants to be" his heart is also where it wants to be .

"

[teabee]

Forget how his marriage is or isn't (no one here really knows, not even you), what is it about you that is willing to settle for a man that is only half yours--and until next JUNE? That stands out to me. Do you realize how far away next June is? Ok, so you guys are twin flames and meant to be together and his marriage is only an obstacle that you two need to overcome, right? I don't know what I think about all that, but that's where you're at, so I will go with it since no one has changed your mind so far! But why are you being so patient? I do not believe that any woman who loves herself completely and knows her own worth would be in this situation as long as you have been, nor would she plan to allow it for so much longer. I think he needs to make his decision now-ish, or you walk. What does he need until next June for?

[metrogirl]

She doesn't get it or doesn't care. She's somewhere in LA LA land and one day her world is going to come crashing down around her, that is certain as the day is long.

[Huntress0527]

She doesn't get it or doesn't care. She's somewhere in LA LA land and one day her world is going to come crashing down around her, that is certain as the day is long.

 

Pretty much this. Your opinion of their marriage really has no bearing because you can be sure of what's going to happen all you want but you are not their marriage. You do not know what goes on between them no matter what he tells you of their relationship. You can try to validate yourself all you want but everyone sees you for what you're doing...being a homewrecker. I think you need to work on yourself and your self esteem because no one with a high self esteem would settle for a guy that cannot give all of himself despite being a 'twin flame'. I hope that you find someone that can give all of himself to you.

[Hopeless Love]

pleas dont become the other women. His wife may love him just as much as you or more. all marriages have ups and downs, let them work on it. how do u expect him to work on it, if you are constantly distracting him from it. If a man has a easy way out he is gonna take it. Leave him alone. u dont want to be known as a homerecker or be the reason they broke up. If he is for u, then it will work out. Let him leave his wife on his own, not becuase he knows about u. Just dont become the other woman, u should know the feeling of heartbreak, and think about what you are putting his wife thru

[veronicax]

Good things come to those who wait.. I 100% always plan on remaining single and Never ever look for love. If it finds me that it is what it is. So since that is how I feel why wouldn't I wait. I am on great terms with most of the people I have been involved with and many of them still wish we were still dating. Trust me I love myself, probably more than anyone I know.. That is why I will never settle for any less. He is everything in a person I could ask for with the bbonus of him understanding me so well and us being SOO similar. Besides I have many other things to work on though the summer and spring.

[veronicax]

You don't know me or him and you sure the hell can't make predictions !!

And i don't think that was meant for me but he does not have a FB, thank god.. Real me are facebookless for sure!!

[teabee]

I guess I have a really hard time understanding where you're coming from because, for one thing, I'm not good at sharing. I would be extremely torn up about my twin flame sharing a bed and a life with another woman. The only time I've let things slide that I wasn't comfortable with, regarding boyfriends and other women, was when I had low self-esteem and was afraid to rock the boat. I was more accommodating of the boyfriend than of my own comfort and needs, and I ended up burned very badly. So to me, saying you'll give him until next June means you must not have very high self-esteem. But kudos to you for loving yourself so much, as you say. I still doubt that you are as confident as you are putting out to all of us, but perhaps that's just my own bias.

 

I also can't understand where you're coming from because I can easily imagine myself in the wife's position, and I really feel for her. None of this is fair to her, and it would be better for everyone, in my opinion, to get this mess sorted sooner rather than later.

[Huntress0527]

Good things come to those who wait.. I 100% always plan on remaining single and Never ever look for love. If it finds me that it is what it is. So since that is how I feel why wouldn't I wait. I am on great terms with most of the people I have been involved with and many of them still wish we were still dating. Trust me I love myself, probably more than anyone I know.. That is why I will never settle for any less. He is everything in a person I could ask for with the bbonus of him understanding me so well and us being SOO similar. Besides I have many other things to work on though the summer and spring.

 

You already have settled for less. An unobtainable man that just got married. Seems like you see this all as a game. To see if you can get him to leave his wife for you. If that is the case, that's a really cruel and cold game to play. I sincerely doubt you have high esteem since you've settled for this guy and are stubborn to stay with this guy wanting to create that wedge between him and his wife.

[veronicax]

It's not a game at all. I truly love him and OUR bond is solid and intense. Why it happened right after he got married i really don't know. You can doubt my self esteem all you want but i know different. My mom says I was born with high self esteem so i don't know. He is not happy, he created the wedge not me. He started it, he is the chaser and he is the married one. Not my fault and I do not feel bad for the wife. If he leaves her she will be fine and find someone more suitable. I love my "married boyfriend" end of story !!