Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: I get mad at my boyfriend because of my own expectations...HELP!

  1. #1
    expectationc

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    2

    Exclamation I get mad at my boyfriend because of my own expectations...HELP!

    Recently my boyfriend of over 3 years moved in with me. We have lived together before. Currently he is going to college after getting out of the military almost 2 years ago. So he is home during the day, unless he has class, while I am at work from 7-5. Then when I get home I feel like I have to make dinner, feed the dogs, take the dogs out, clean the house, do laundry if necessary, etc. And lately he has been saying I yell at him and get mad at him all the time. I don't mean to but think it is because I am feeling like I have to do all of these things and pick up after him. Why can't he helpout cleaning or something while I'm at work? I don't want to be mad at him or yell at him or the dogs for nothing and I also don't want this to get so out of hand he leaves I love him and like living with him. Things that I yell at him for include tickling me while we are watching a movie, hanging on me hugging me while I am trying to do something like cook dinner, etc. Please help any advice would be great!

  2. #2
    ghost69
    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Desert
    Posts
    33,101
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    do you spend all of your free time together?

  3. #3
    Blue Skittles
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    33
    Posts
    1,547
    I think you need to be more patient with him. He probably has no idea what is expected of him while you are away at work. And sometimes if there are a lot of chores to be done it can be overwhelming and he probably doesn't know what to do. Men can be like this, its a pain I know. I would leave him little lists on his days off. Thats what my mom used to do when we were home and she was going to work. Don't leave him a big long list but maybe like 2 or three things like doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, take out the garbage, whatever. Then he will feel like he is responsible for something and he will feel good that he is helping out in the house. Good luck. Try not to get snappy with him that will only push him away.

  4. #4
    bijoux27

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,183
    Gender
    Female
    I think you two should both sit down and discuss who will do what chores. Some can be flexible but other chores are pretty routine. He may not know what you expect of him, so talk it out with him. You two are a team, work as a team.

  5. #5
    agent
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    England
    Age
    34
    Posts
    10,228
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1495
    Have you asked him for help around the house?

    Tbh, I don't think this is something that you should even have to ask for, but some people just really don't get it.

  6. #6
    _Asti_
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Age
    30
    Posts
    4,326
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3
    Just sit down and lay things out.
    Explain why you get frustrated, or mad. Explain why you're always mad and yelling, or whatever and set up a list of who does what. Not only will it make you feel better [which he will benefit from] but it will make the relationship and living arrangements go much smoother.

  7. #7
    Creative

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    1,014
    Gender
    Male
    These are some of the benefits of living with someone before marriage - to know what each other's habits are and see whether it's possible to deal with it.

    I've once heard someone said how you begin to delegate to chores is how it'll end up being for the rest of your life. So in this sense, you failed to set an expectation for him. Just as you don't know what to expect, he doesn't know how it'll unfold either.

    BUT, he may be the type who will do chores, but just don't see the need to do them unless it's piling up. Some people just don't have a "thing" with a room that's in a little bit of mess.

    And yes, you should lose your temper. It's a lot of trouble dealing with it. Keep this up, and eventually he'll feel an obligation to come home instead of actually wanting to.

  8. #8
    expectationc

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    2
    Yes since he moved in we hangout from the time I get home from work until I go to bed then he goes down to the office to play video games

  9. #9
    ghost69
    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Desert
    Posts
    33,101
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    i think you need a separate set of friends to do things with. it almost seems like you are sick of each other cause all your free time goes to each other.

  10. #10
    thejigsup
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Age
    60
    Posts
    7,644
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    406
    Men are generally clueless about cleaning the house. I do believe they think the house cleans itself and you had nothing to do with it. Why should you be so tired and cranky? Didn't the house just clean itself for you? Didn't the clothes just hop in the machine? Do what I did, give up on him cleaning and hire a service to do it for you. Keeps me sane.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Found pictures of my boyfriends ex in his wardrobe?
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We have our ups and downs but we love each other very much. We've both previously been in a long term
GF wants to fly accross the country to visit a guy I've never met before.
Should a guy be concerned if his gf wants to fly across the country to visit a friend of approx 20 years (of the opposite sex) for a week? She says
Will I ever hear from him again?
Hello, I'm I writing today because I need some advice on my current situation with my boyfriend. My boyfriend [26 male] & I [22 female] met at my
Can't stop thinking about my girlfriend's past
I am a 24 year old guy and I am currently dating a girl who is 23 and in her last year of university. We have been together for about 5 months now
Boyfriend is upset I want to get married before we have a baby
Hello, I am new to this site. I don't have any family and recently moved to a new state to live with my boyfriend. He is 31, I am 26. We have been
Help please!
I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I know what went wrong and what happened. My bf of four months started his MBA, and we went from seeing
Many things going on at once, needing advice or thoughts
Ok my boyfriend and I have been together about 4 years now. We have always had some communication problems. He never wants to talk about things -

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •