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Thread: I get mad at my boyfriend because of my own expectations...HELP!

  1. #1
    expectationc

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    Exclamation I get mad at my boyfriend because of my own expectations...HELP!

    Recently my boyfriend of over 3 years moved in with me. We have lived together before. Currently he is going to college after getting out of the military almost 2 years ago. So he is home during the day, unless he has class, while I am at work from 7-5. Then when I get home I feel like I have to make dinner, feed the dogs, take the dogs out, clean the house, do laundry if necessary, etc. And lately he has been saying I yell at him and get mad at him all the time. I don't mean to but think it is because I am feeling like I have to do all of these things and pick up after him. Why can't he helpout cleaning or something while I'm at work? I don't want to be mad at him or yell at him or the dogs for nothing and I also don't want this to get so out of hand he leaves I love him and like living with him. Things that I yell at him for include tickling me while we are watching a movie, hanging on me hugging me while I am trying to do something like cook dinner, etc. Please help any advice would be great!

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    ghost69
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    do you spend all of your free time together?

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    Blue Skittles
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    I think you need to be more patient with him. He probably has no idea what is expected of him while you are away at work. And sometimes if there are a lot of chores to be done it can be overwhelming and he probably doesn't know what to do. Men can be like this, its a pain I know. I would leave him little lists on his days off. Thats what my mom used to do when we were home and she was going to work. Don't leave him a big long list but maybe like 2 or three things like doing the laundry, mowing the lawn, take out the garbage, whatever. Then he will feel like he is responsible for something and he will feel good that he is helping out in the house. Good luck. Try not to get snappy with him that will only push him away.

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    bijoux27

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    I think you two should both sit down and discuss who will do what chores. Some can be flexible but other chores are pretty routine. He may not know what you expect of him, so talk it out with him. You two are a team, work as a team.

  5. #5
    agent
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    Have you asked him for help around the house?

    Tbh, I don't think this is something that you should even have to ask for, but some people just really don't get it.

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    _Asti_
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    Just sit down and lay things out.
    Explain why you get frustrated, or mad. Explain why you're always mad and yelling, or whatever and set up a list of who does what. Not only will it make you feel better [which he will benefit from] but it will make the relationship and living arrangements go much smoother.

  7. #7
    Creative

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    These are some of the benefits of living with someone before marriage - to know what each other's habits are and see whether it's possible to deal with it.

    I've once heard someone said how you begin to delegate to chores is how it'll end up being for the rest of your life. So in this sense, you failed to set an expectation for him. Just as you don't know what to expect, he doesn't know how it'll unfold either.

    BUT, he may be the type who will do chores, but just don't see the need to do them unless it's piling up. Some people just don't have a "thing" with a room that's in a little bit of mess.

    And yes, you should lose your temper. It's a lot of trouble dealing with it. Keep this up, and eventually he'll feel an obligation to come home instead of actually wanting to.

  8. #8
    expectationc

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    Yes since he moved in we hangout from the time I get home from work until I go to bed then he goes down to the office to play video games

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    ghost69
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    i think you need a separate set of friends to do things with. it almost seems like you are sick of each other cause all your free time goes to each other.

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    thejigsup
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    Men are generally clueless about cleaning the house. I do believe they think the house cleans itself and you had nothing to do with it. Why should you be so tired and cranky? Didn't the house just clean itself for you? Didn't the clothes just hop in the machine? Do what I did, give up on him cleaning and hire a service to do it for you. Keeps me sane.

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