A novel

OK.....

I was married. I had a daughter. After she was born her father disconnected. We lived together for a year and a half after she was born but he showed no emotion. I tried to keep it together fr the sake of my daughter but there was nothing there.

I had a friend of 3 years that was always there for my and was my best friend. We started to like each other and got into a relationship. I moved out and separated from my husband and we moved in together.

The first 6 months of us living together were pretty great, but it stated going down hill. at this time it would be 1 year. We started fighting and it got very abusive... very. Now I am not going to say it was all him, but for the most part, anything I did to him was in defence or after he beat me and I fought back.

Honestly, he has done so much more damage to me. I have fought to, but I am naturally a quite peaceful individual. I can have a temper, but it has never been violent. I say these things because I do not want to say he is al of it.

So times goes on and I left him at one point, but then came the promises. I came back. Things were great for awhile but then it stated again. This has been going on for three years.

The last big blow up was on the 4th of July. I had a bracelet from a dead friend and he was taking a safety pin off it. I told him not to and he exploded. With not much from my end, it escalated and he pushed me down. i got up and we yelled. I came towards him to tr to be nice and he threw me down again and started to hit me. I tried to fight back and i got him a couple times but he was on top of me and i couldn't get him off. I was tried not to yell because we live in an area that is patrolled allot and i didn't want a cop to come. But then he started to chock me. I could not breath and when I could i screamed. A cop came and he was arrested. After much trouble everything was cleared ad he was back home.

He has very violent tendencies, Me has massive anger problems, I believe he is skitzofrinic, And he is definitely bipolar and a bit manic depressive. I don't even know why I am writing this because I know the general consesus will be 'GET OUT'. I think I just need to talk about it

He really is a great guy and can be most wonderful. But then there is the other side. He demeans me constantly. When he gets upset everything, no matter what we are talking about, is suddenly: He is smarter then me, better then me and i Will never be anything close to how great he is, I am a stupid , today he told me to find a to shove in my mouth ad shut up. I am uneducated, i am a gold digger (he can not drive, has no car, no job, no money...) the list can go on forever, just use your imagination for the worst thing you could be called and its worse. Plus I have had many bruises and cuts and scars from him.

I love him more then anything, but some times I think I am holding on to that person i knew, or I think things could get better... which they have so much.... OR..... the more real reason, i don't like being alone. Plus my daughter loves him, but she too knows how he can be. he has never hurt her.

See, I'm sitting here making excuses. I just don't know what to do. By all accounts i should leave. But i do not have anywhere to go. My parents live 11 hours away by car, I have NO family anywhere near me, I cant get a job easily because I have a piece missing in my back and I am going to ITT tech plus I have my daughter all the time, so I have no money. My friends can't put me up, and my family is pretty bad off. He brings money in every once in a while from his family, but i do not want to think i am here because of that, i am not a mooch.

One of the main things about this is that every time something bad happens he comes back and says sorry and is so sweet. i know that's the hook, but when you love someone it seems like enough. I want it to work and i know he really wants it to, but sometimes he just can't stop.

Blah, this novel has went on long enough, but i fell better saying it.

Pack up your car and drive the 11 hours to your parents. He hits you, when does he start to hit your daughter? When does he kill you and leave your daughter with no mother?

Stop thinking about yourself, you have a child, she is the one that can't leave, she is stuck watching her mother beaten, chocked and abused. She can't drive away, she can't say enough is enough. You have to do that for her.

Hi SR,

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you are here and that you shared. It must feel good to get that off your chest.

And you are right, the consensus is going to be that you leave. He's not a wonderful guy if he beats you, chokes you, threatens you and breaks you down.

I was where you are for 5 years with a guy who was much the same, and like you I hung on for those moments when he was 'sorry' and acted loving towards me. But they got fewer and farther between. In the end he nearly killed me and so I finally woke up and left. My guy could act nice and 'wonderful' at times too- but none of that negates the fact that he has been so abusive to you. You are showing your daughter that it is acceptable for a man to beat a woman- do you want her to find herself in a relationship like this when she is grown?

You already know what you have to do, and you've worked yourself up to make yourself think that you cannot do it. The first thing you can do is look up resources for battered women in your area. There are shelters where you can go if you cannot afford to go anywhere else. In addition, those shelters can teach you job skills and help you to find employment in order to support yourself. You can do some tasks with an injured back, and I urge you to complete your education- in fact the shelter should even be able to help with child care while you complete your degree.

When I left my ex I had nothing- I escaped with barely my own life. Afterwards I went to school and got my degree and now have gone back a second time and am making a great living. Women with less than you have have gotten away and started over- and you can too.

Here is a website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

link removed

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

I urge you to call them right now.

No matter how difficult things are, there's always a way out. If you start planning in advance and putting money aside, searching for alternative employment and somewhere to live, you should be able to find a solution. Alternatively, if you just document the abuse and report him, you could get him out of your hair altogether. Also, he may not physically abuse your daughter now, but what about when she gets a bit older? You think that she's going to be immune to his temper? Maybe now, while she's a cute, sweet kid, but think years down the line, when she's a mouthy teenager... Also, most women who are killed each year, are killed by partners who physically abused them. Think about what'll happen to your daughter if you end up dead one day.

I think you got some excellent advice from the above posts. Do you really want to waste another few years of your life being someone's punching bag? If you don't want to get out for your own well-being, think of your daughter. She is learning that this kind of behaviour from a man is acceptable and when she is an adult, she will end up with a man just like this guy. Do you really want your daughter to have boyfriends who beat her up and verbally and emotionally abuse her?

You had posted on my post about feeling the same way and I came over here and read your post. I want to tell you now that you should leave. If you have family to go to, GO.

I stopped making excuses (for the most part) about how my husband is. I now can admit to myself that he is abusive. Yesterday he got mad at me for messing up something on a video game we were playing together and he threw the controller at me. It left a bruise. When I told him that it hurt, he said "good, it was suppose to".

You are not stuck even though it feels like it! You have the means to get out. It is hard, any change is hard especially leaving behind what you know.

But do you really want to live like this for years to come? If he could choke you (even for a few seconds) whats to say he won't kill you eventully? Because he loves you...? No when he is beating you down, that is NOT love, it is pure hate. I am sure you feel it.

You already admitted it to yourself, you are holding on to what he "used" to be like before he got mean and hateful.

That person is gone.

Don't end up truly stuck like me. I am looking for a way out as fast as I can.

*lots of hugs*

Thanks guys! I do understand. It's just hard.

We have rarely fought in front of her, and when we did it was a long time ago. He does have a lot of anger issues but they really have gotten better. We just yell sometimes now and he hasn't really hit me in 6 months.

I do have my family but it's so far and they are in horrible financial issues. I don't think they would really understand. Plus I would be leaving everything behind.

I have told him so many times lately that if he wants to go then just go. His favorite thing to do is when he thinks he has won in the argument, usually by saying something far fetched or untrue, Then i come up with the reality and he cant take it, He threatens to cal his mom. I say call her! I love him but I do not need to be treated this way. At this point I wish things would work out but if he left, Yeah I would cry and be sad, But I know it would be good and I would be fine. The problem is that every time he gets to that point he chickens out.

I know he is using me. He can't cook, clean, drive, really do anything but sit on the computer.

Anyway, I told him today after the kid went to school and we had an argument, You want to go then go, I'm not stopping you. He called his mom and said i wouldn't let him leave.... He also said a bunch of horrible stuff to me and said he wanted to leave but wouldn't go, so i pushed him towards the door, when he called his mom he said I was hitting and beating him....

He came to me just a bit ago and said that he is ashamed of how he acted today and that he was sorry and had no right to say the things he did.

Oh yeah... funny story.... about a month ago, I took my keys out of the car while it was running so he could get into the house. I thought he had them. We get to the mall and I ask for them so i can turn the car off. He left them in the house. He gets mad at me for not being responsible to get the keys from him. I can understand that to a point if he said it a lot nicer. but no, it was a 2 hour argument. I really didn't think he could be that stupid or i would have made sure he had them... then he goes on to say that i ruined HIS night... Like I always do. We were having a blast till that happened. I was actually laughing when i found out he didn't have them, it was a funny situation. But he said I didn't care about what was happening, nothing was happening, it was funny and easily solvable. I didnt see any harm in just going back home for them or sticking something in there to turn it off but not to far to where it locks. But i never got to that part. he yelled and then walked into the mall to get his tape.

Blah... I guess you guys can see I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff, Thanks for listening ! ^_^

Wow, what you just wrote is what I could write to.

It is not just physical abuse but emotional to. That messes you up more then anything. It eats you away till you are just a shell, which makes it easier for them to have control over you.

He is not going to leave you, my husband does the SAME thing. He will say and act like he is, but it is only another form of tearing at your emotions.

This is a very unhealthy relationship for your daughter to see. If you can't do this for yourself, do it for the love you have for your sweet daughter. Just because you try not to fight around her doesn't mean she doesn't know. I am sure she hears you him fighting. Hearing how he puts you down.

The car key incident was his fault but he can't accept blame so he had to "turn" it around to be your fault. He then had to make you feel even worse by saying you ruined the rest of the day. My husband does this scenario a LOT.

He may not of hurt you physically for 6 months but he just traded it for emotional abuse. Don't think he won't lay his hands on you again. He will. And it will get more and more often.

I have already been through that stage of abuse.

Yes you may be leaving everything but it is for your happiness. You are afraid of being alone and being out of your "comfort zone".

Get away from him before he sucks everything that you enjoy out of you.

I know t feels like he loves you when he is his "sweet" other half. But he doesn't, not really. He loves controlling you.

A person that loves you wouldn't say all those hateful degrading things just to see the hurt on your face.

A person that loves you would not want to throw you on the ground and choke you to show you that he has the power.

A person that loves you would not lay the blame for everything on your shoulders because he is to much of a "man" to be at fault.

If he loved you he would NEVER do those things. You would feel loved and wouldn't be posting on here about the hurt you feel because of him.

It is my first post here, cos I jus registered, but I've read some threats already. Lord, it's so horrible to read it all and recognize my own story... I will defenately share it soon, but 4 now I jus wanted to say "Thank God" that this site is exist...